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General Parenting
What is forgiveness?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 71537" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Witz, it sounds to me that by my definition, you have already forgiven him - for stuff from the past. Because you've moved on, in your own way. Of course you're still afraid for what he might do - that's understandable and sensible. But that's another matter. The past is all anyone can ever forgive, you can't forgive what you don't yet know about.</p><p></p><p>Of course what he's done was not right. Never can be. And you're right, he does sound like he really doesn't care about anyone else. But you sound as if you accept this about him even as you reject any notion of ever having anything to do with him again.</p><p></p><p>But you don't sound to me as if you are obsessing about events from the past or letting your anger over them hold you back in any way. You sound as though you have let go and moved on, as far as your concern for what he might yet do will let you.</p><p></p><p>And really, what more can you do, that is appropriate?</p><p></p><p>Considering all you've had to deal with, in your own past as well as in this (now over) relationship, I think you're doing amazingly well. You might be feeling like it's a struggle, and right now perhaps it is, but you're doing everything right. Don't be so hard on yourself.</p><p></p><p>As you said, he is beneath your contempt, which tells me you are no longer giving him a second thought. If you hadn't in some way forgiven him (again, my definition) you couldn't do this.</p><p></p><p>You are a good person. It is OK to not trust him. This does not mean you are still bound by the past. It means you have learnt from the past and are using it in your current decisions.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 71537, member: 1991"] Witz, it sounds to me that by my definition, you have already forgiven him - for stuff from the past. Because you've moved on, in your own way. Of course you're still afraid for what he might do - that's understandable and sensible. But that's another matter. The past is all anyone can ever forgive, you can't forgive what you don't yet know about. Of course what he's done was not right. Never can be. And you're right, he does sound like he really doesn't care about anyone else. But you sound as if you accept this about him even as you reject any notion of ever having anything to do with him again. But you don't sound to me as if you are obsessing about events from the past or letting your anger over them hold you back in any way. You sound as though you have let go and moved on, as far as your concern for what he might yet do will let you. And really, what more can you do, that is appropriate? Considering all you've had to deal with, in your own past as well as in this (now over) relationship, I think you're doing amazingly well. You might be feeling like it's a struggle, and right now perhaps it is, but you're doing everything right. Don't be so hard on yourself. As you said, he is beneath your contempt, which tells me you are no longer giving him a second thought. If you hadn't in some way forgiven him (again, my definition) you couldn't do this. You are a good person. It is OK to not trust him. This does not mean you are still bound by the past. It means you have learnt from the past and are using it in your current decisions. Marg [/QUOTE]
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What is forgiveness?
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