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What is forgiveness?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 73808" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Witz, you were right about how much more difficult it is to maintain our balanced self in the face of someone we know would hurt us again without a second thought.</p><p></p><p>But that is what we are after. Nothing to do with the other guy, really. We want our balanced selves, our clear eyed selves, back. We refuse to give that person power over us in any way, ever again. </p><p></p><p>So, what needs to happen is that we somehow find the strength not to fall into victim mode where that person is concerned. </p><p></p><p>For me, the issue would not be forgiveness so much as quenching the lust of vengeance. </p><p></p><p>Because here's the thing. If I CAN take vengeance, then it is because the other person is weaker or less able than I am. So, if I DO take vengeance, what does that make me?</p><p></p><p>A bully and a coward.</p><p></p><p>As much a bully, and as much a coward, as the person who hurt me in my time of vulnerability.</p><p></p><p>It's not that any of us are permanent victims. It's that every one of us, at one time or another, has been vulnerable.</p><p></p><p>And in our time of vulnerability, instead of being strengthened and upheld by those we trusted, we were victimized.</p><p></p><p>So, for me at least, forgiving myself for having been powerless to stop the victimization could not occur until I had given up the lust of vengeance.</p><p></p><p>Here is something that helped me. It's from The Merchant of Venice. </p><p></p><p>The quality of Mercy is not strain'd</p><p>It falleth as the gentle rain from Heav'n</p><p>Upon the place beneath.</p><p></p><p>It is twice blest;</p><p>It blesseth him that gives and him</p><p>That takes.</p><p></p><p>Tis Mightiest in the Mighty. </p><p></p><p> ~William Shakespeare</p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm pulling for you, Witz.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 73808, member: 1721"] Witz, you were right about how much more difficult it is to maintain our balanced self in the face of someone we know would hurt us again without a second thought. But that is what we are after. Nothing to do with the other guy, really. We want our balanced selves, our clear eyed selves, back. We refuse to give that person power over us in any way, ever again. So, what needs to happen is that we somehow find the strength not to fall into victim mode where that person is concerned. For me, the issue would not be forgiveness so much as quenching the lust of vengeance. Because here's the thing. If I CAN take vengeance, then it is because the other person is weaker or less able than I am. So, if I DO take vengeance, what does that make me? A bully and a coward. As much a bully, and as much a coward, as the person who hurt me in my time of vulnerability. It's not that any of us are permanent victims. It's that every one of us, at one time or another, has been vulnerable. And in our time of vulnerability, instead of being strengthened and upheld by those we trusted, we were victimized. So, for me at least, forgiving myself for having been powerless to stop the victimization could not occur until I had given up the lust of vengeance. Here is something that helped me. It's from The Merchant of Venice. The quality of Mercy is not strain'd It falleth as the gentle rain from Heav'n Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest; It blesseth him that gives and him That takes. Tis Mightiest in the Mighty. ~William Shakespeare I'm pulling for you, Witz. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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