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<blockquote data-quote="cakewalk" data-source="post: 296299" data-attributes="member: 7060"><p>Thank you to everyone for reminding me that my husband and I are a partnership, that we are the parents and in charge of our family and our home, and that easy child deserves the happy home we've been able to enjoy since February!</p><p></p><p>I just called my sister... I'm calling her Pollyanna on this thread. I told her I was calling about the recent change of events. She said ever so sweetly, "I'm not sure what change of events you are referring to." </p><p></p><p>Pollyanna's take... this was everybody's hope was that this "break" or "separation" would eventually bring difficult child and my immediate family back together. He's been an absolute joy to have in their home. He's funny, respectful, and pitches in when asked. He has not taken one dime from them, insisting to pay his own way all the time. The only thing they've really provided for him is a ride because he doesn't have a car. (My husband sold the car days after he ran away.) She said he seems to really respect and enjoy the time he has with his counselor and that counseling has been good for him. She said she wasn't sure if I was pushing for him to come back home or if he just came to that conclusion on his own, but he was adamant that he's ready. difficult child told her on Monday that he was homesick, that he missed his mom and brother, and really felt he needed to go home. He wanted his family back. She said she supported his decision completely and is very proud and happy that this is all working out so well.</p><p></p><p>I told her (and I grabbed an entire wealth of information from all of your posts) that before he comes home, before anything else, he needs to make amends with my husband. My husband is the foundation of our home (after our HP, of course) and things that have happened must be addressed, not swept under the rug. easy child deserves the happy, productive, functioning household he has come to experience since difficult child left. Rules will be spelled out in contract format. Consequences will be spelled out in detail. Expectations (everyone's, including difficult child's) need to be addressed so there is no misunderstanding. Counseling will absolutely continue between his counselor and him. We will also find a family counselor that is separate from his personal counselor. I told her I haven't pushed for him to come home at all. In fact, I was shocked when he discussed it with me on Wednesday. I told her it starts with a meeting between the four of us (husband, me, difficult child, and easy child) and if difficult child isn't able to do that, or feels ganged up on, or set-up, or whatever, than obviously he's not ready yet. I told her that even though difficult child told me that nothing happened or that he wasn't forced out of the house, I am still a parent and do not apologize for checking with "an adult" to confirm or deny his version. </p><p></p><p>My husband is willing to meet with my difficult child, as is easy child, in an effort to eventually bring him home. I sent an email to my difficult child and also told Pollyanna that the first step we take is a family meeting to make sure we are all on the same page and heading in the same direction. I invited him over this evening. He's working this afternoon so I won't hear back from him until early evening.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="cakewalk, post: 296299, member: 7060"] Thank you to everyone for reminding me that my husband and I are a partnership, that we are the parents and in charge of our family and our home, and that easy child deserves the happy home we've been able to enjoy since February! I just called my sister... I'm calling her Pollyanna on this thread. I told her I was calling about the recent change of events. She said ever so sweetly, "I'm not sure what change of events you are referring to." Pollyanna's take... this was everybody's hope was that this "break" or "separation" would eventually bring difficult child and my immediate family back together. He's been an absolute joy to have in their home. He's funny, respectful, and pitches in when asked. He has not taken one dime from them, insisting to pay his own way all the time. The only thing they've really provided for him is a ride because he doesn't have a car. (My husband sold the car days after he ran away.) She said he seems to really respect and enjoy the time he has with his counselor and that counseling has been good for him. She said she wasn't sure if I was pushing for him to come back home or if he just came to that conclusion on his own, but he was adamant that he's ready. difficult child told her on Monday that he was homesick, that he missed his mom and brother, and really felt he needed to go home. He wanted his family back. She said she supported his decision completely and is very proud and happy that this is all working out so well. I told her (and I grabbed an entire wealth of information from all of your posts) that before he comes home, before anything else, he needs to make amends with my husband. My husband is the foundation of our home (after our HP, of course) and things that have happened must be addressed, not swept under the rug. easy child deserves the happy, productive, functioning household he has come to experience since difficult child left. Rules will be spelled out in contract format. Consequences will be spelled out in detail. Expectations (everyone's, including difficult child's) need to be addressed so there is no misunderstanding. Counseling will absolutely continue between his counselor and him. We will also find a family counselor that is separate from his personal counselor. I told her I haven't pushed for him to come home at all. In fact, I was shocked when he discussed it with me on Wednesday. I told her it starts with a meeting between the four of us (husband, me, difficult child, and easy child) and if difficult child isn't able to do that, or feels ganged up on, or set-up, or whatever, than obviously he's not ready yet. I told her that even though difficult child told me that nothing happened or that he wasn't forced out of the house, I am still a parent and do not apologize for checking with "an adult" to confirm or deny his version. My husband is willing to meet with my difficult child, as is easy child, in an effort to eventually bring him home. I sent an email to my difficult child and also told Pollyanna that the first step we take is a family meeting to make sure we are all on the same page and heading in the same direction. I invited him over this evening. He's working this afternoon so I won't hear back from him until early evening. [/QUOTE]
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