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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 296411"><p>I am very sorry for your pain. I do recall your mention of all the dysfunction within your family of origin. It seems you were stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of placing your son with your sister when there were difficulties with his behavior at your home.</p><p> </p><p>You are trying to trust your sister to help you with your son and your sister is not being forthright and your son doesn't seem to be either.</p><p> </p><p>It is a horrendous deal. I am so sorry.</p><p> </p><p>You said that the Christian Counselor has credentials. What is his degree and is he licensed? Can you ask him if he has formulated a diagnosis or at least a likely diagnosis? Would he suggest that your child see a psychiatrist (MD) for possible medication? Have you asked him yet for the name of a Family Therapist? </p><p> </p><p>Do you have any really good friends or perhaps a minister (or other religious person) who you can talk with about this? Someone who is trustworthy, whom you admire, who you feel would respect your confidence? Surely, these difficulties have got to be stressful. </p><p> </p><p>One book I really like (an oldie, but a goodie) is "What you think about me is none of my business," by Terry Cole Whittaker. You have every right to want your son to be a respectful, functioning young man. Your sister, should respect these wishes. If she would like to help you in this goal, that is a great and honorable thing. However, it would be only fair that she is honest with you.</p><p> </p><p>If you honestly do not want your son to come home and your husband feels strongly about this, I wonder if you guys could work out some sort of compromise. Perhaps he could stay at your home 1/2 time and your sisters 1/2 time until the age of 18 and then perhaps you can help him put a depost down on an apartment. All of this is just "out there." It's just an example. I wanted to let you know that sometimes we have found creativity works with- our difficult child and if we get her to do her part.....she actually learns a little in the process. NONE of this is EASY by any means...lots of weirdness and complications to be sure. But when these formulas work...they work well.</p><p> </p><p>Wishing you all good things...hugs, hugs hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 296411"] I am very sorry for your pain. I do recall your mention of all the dysfunction within your family of origin. It seems you were stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of placing your son with your sister when there were difficulties with his behavior at your home. You are trying to trust your sister to help you with your son and your sister is not being forthright and your son doesn't seem to be either. It is a horrendous deal. I am so sorry. You said that the Christian Counselor has credentials. What is his degree and is he licensed? Can you ask him if he has formulated a diagnosis or at least a likely diagnosis? Would he suggest that your child see a psychiatrist (MD) for possible medication? Have you asked him yet for the name of a Family Therapist? Do you have any really good friends or perhaps a minister (or other religious person) who you can talk with about this? Someone who is trustworthy, whom you admire, who you feel would respect your confidence? Surely, these difficulties have got to be stressful. One book I really like (an oldie, but a goodie) is "What you think about me is none of my business," by Terry Cole Whittaker. You have every right to want your son to be a respectful, functioning young man. Your sister, should respect these wishes. If she would like to help you in this goal, that is a great and honorable thing. However, it would be only fair that she is honest with you. If you honestly do not want your son to come home and your husband feels strongly about this, I wonder if you guys could work out some sort of compromise. Perhaps he could stay at your home 1/2 time and your sisters 1/2 time until the age of 18 and then perhaps you can help him put a depost down on an apartment. All of this is just "out there." It's just an example. I wanted to let you know that sometimes we have found creativity works with- our difficult child and if we get her to do her part.....she actually learns a little in the process. NONE of this is EASY by any means...lots of weirdness and complications to be sure. But when these formulas work...they work well. Wishing you all good things...hugs, hugs hugs. [/QUOTE]
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