What is it that I need to do to get more responses to my posts

Discussion in 'General Parenting Archives' started by -, May 27, 2002.

  1. Guest

    I am not sure if I have done something wrong, or if there was a fee I did not pay but when I post I get one to two people respond to me (thank you so much for those who have)

    I do reply to some folks here, not alot because when I have to some I had gotten the feeling I "stepped" on some toes.

    I am probably overly sensitive, I am living in a crisis for a long time now so that could be why.

  2. KimmieC

    KimmieC New Member

    You have done nothing wrong. You have posted on a holiday weekend which is usually slow, slow, slow...and I see a few people with similar problems have responded. I think those responses are heartfelt and supportive. I'll keep you in my thoughts but
    since I don't have those issues, I can't really give any good input! DDD
  3. Guest

    I am not only talking about this post from this weekend- it is a pattern with my posts.

    I agree that those who did reply are heartfelt and I am so thankfull for them.

    Every post I have done with in the last two months or so have only gotten either one or two people responding. This is what I am talking about.

    I don't really know why I am bothered by this, I do have bigger issues to worry about- but I have no where to turn for support, it is I am sure unfair I expected more support from here than my own family.

    Reading the posts on here has been a lifesaver to me, so that should be enough. Everytime I am asked what my support system is I say reading this board.

    Anyway thanks for letting me know there isn't a fee- I think it is best for me I just stay in the shadows and read, can't feel rejection that way.

  4. Guest

    I'm sorry you feel rejected.
    I have a tendency to only attempt advice to those things I have experience with. I do post on all birthdays and prayers needed posts etc.
    I have tried doing a "blurb" on topics I know nothing about, just to say hi and show support, but I didn't feel helpful doing that, so I've stopped.
    Maybe just a line to say hi and give hugs IS helpful when people are in their own crisis.
    Anyway, please never feel rejected on here. We're all in the same leaky boat

  5. Guest

    WE STILL LOVE YOU!! lol happens to me all the time. i usually dont get more than 3 or 4 but its just the way it is. hang in there
  6. EastCoastChris

    EastCoastChris New Member

    This comes up from time to time.
    Is there a minimium number of responses that would make you feel better?
    Is two heartfelt responses better than many that might be superficial?
    Also, want to ask you who don't feel they are getting enough responses, how many responses do you make a day? Are you giving as much or more than you are getting?

    I respond all day long to as many as I can,yet, I get few responses to my posts because my child is a little different than many. I understand this. I don't take it personally.

    Anyone have a suggestion what a minimium number of responses need to be made so someone doesn't have hurt feelings? I'm sort of tired of this subject and would like some solid suggestions.
  7. LyndaH

    LyndaH New Member

    Im gonna reply as an oldster to the boards. I have been here since march of 99 even tho that isnt what my lil thing at the bottom says.

    This has been something that has come up from time to time on this message board and also on others I belong to.

    There are times I get lots of replies and times I dont...normally more controversial posts get more replies. Sometimes so many you wish you had never posted in the first place...lol.

    I think it has to do with the ebb and flow of a living board. Kinda think of this place as a big meeting...where people are kinda congregating with cups of coffee. There are gonna be larger groups of people who have been attending the meetings for a long time and then there will be smaller groups of two or three fairly new people who are trying to form relationships. The older crowd tries to mix around and say hi to all the smaller groups but it takes time. And sometimes the older crowd gets their feelings hurt too if they dont feel accepted just like the newer ones are feeling.

    Yes I know us older folks should post more to the one or two reply posts. I always read them...just sometimes I dont know what to say or am feeling rather negative that day and dont want to say something that could be taken the wrong way.

    My feelings have been thoroughly smashed at times on the board...I think its just something that happens. We come here and post most of the time when we are really down and need not so much advice as acceptance and support and comfort...some hugs instead of "you should do this" type things. Or maybe that is just me and my perceptions. I dont need lots of advice...been doing this too long not to know what is the right thing...but getting the "hang in theres...I dont blame you for feeling the way you do's" are what I need.

    I promise to try and do a better job...just have had a period of being down and so havent been posting much.
  8. Steffy

    Steffy New Member


    I'm sorry that your not feeling alot of support right now.

    As for replies, well, I think it can be a very subjective thing, and I wouldn't take it too personally. I personally think it depends on the subject matter, and who happens to visit the board that day etc.

    Like, alot of times I'll really feel for someone. But I don't have any knowledge or experience with what they are going thru, so I don't really know what to say. I don't want to stick my foot in my mouth. LOL

    I'm glad to hear you did get some heartfelt responses to your post. I've been here 3 yrs. And I can say from experience, there are some posts of mine that didn't get but one or two responses, and others that seemed to get an overwhelming response.


  9. ahall

    ahall New Member

    Hope -

    No, you didn't not pay a fee, and no, no one is not answering posts on purpose. Weekends are definitely slow, and holiday weekends are even slower.

    On a regular basis, I think it just comes down to who is on and what kind of mood they are in. It doesn't matter if it's a newbie or an oldtimer ... it's just the way it is. My posts have generated many responses at times, and very few at other times. It depends on lots - the subject matter, time of day/week, who is on, what other subject matters are posted, etc.

    Please don't ever feel slighted - no one means to slight anyone. We're all here to help one another. I do try to answer those posts which I feel I can contribute something to. Sometimes I either don't know anything about the subject matter, or am having a pretty down time in my own life and don't have the ooompf to respond.

    Hang in there - try to reply to other posters as you'd want replies to your's. We all sometimes need to just send a few words of encouragement or a few hugs. It only takes a few minutes, and can mean a lot to someone out there hurting.

  10. Guest

    hi hope4kids. i, like you, am fairly new here and i do sorta understand what u are talking about. i know that i lurk more than i post for fear of looking totally uneducated, or saying the wrong thing and upsetting someone. however, i in turn do not always get huge responses om my posts. the ones i do get though are muchly appreciated and usually very helpful.
    i think that because of the large # of people on this board, it is really hard to connect, especially if we dont post alot. also, many of these people have been here for a long time, back when it was much smaller, so it was probably much easier to form friendships then.
    as corysmom said, even if you have no advice, or experiences to share, the "i am listening, and i feel your pain" or just "hugs" kinda replies will definately be noticed and also help you to meet others better.
    this post has kinda opened my eyes, and from here on out, i resolve to be a better poster and let others now that i do read them, and feel for them, cause we are all in this together. nobody else knows what we and our families and difficult child's live thru like the people here, and for tthem+ all, i am truly thankful.
    thanks for bringing this up, hope4kids. talk to you soon.
    del :laugh:
  11. Guest

    Please don't feel slighted -- I don't think anyone is intentionally avoiding posting a response.

    I too sometimes get a lot of responses and sometimes very few. I try to post to as many as possible, but due to time constraints it's not always possible to post to every one I'd like to. And sometimes, someone before me has posted so concisely I have nothing else to add -- not even a different perspective.

    Fran asked for suggestions on this. I don't think there is a specific number of posts that would be "the number." Perhaps, however, if someone needed or wanted more input, it'd be beneficial for the poster to start a new thread, ending the caption with something like "more input wanted/needed." Then copy and past the original message.

    Just a thought.
  12. Guest

    If I feel like I still need more input on a particular post, Understanding that it could be the time of day, the day of the week or even that time of the month (who knows??), I usually "UP" the post and someone a) either figures out that I'm looking for more input because the post has already gone by- but it's baaack, or b) someone who wasn't around who has suggestions or feedback sees it on the next go-round. Sometimes I see posts and think they've given realy thorough responses even if there are just two, I don't respond because they may have covered what I think the post was asking. If not we may need to ask for what it is we need. We seem to have a hard time doing that-us Mom's. :rolleyes: Hope this helps. Sonja
  13. Guest

    Just wanted to say "Hi!" I've been around this board for quite awhile now and I've had the same thing happen to me a lot of times. I think sometimes how many responses you get depends on the time of year and what is going on in the world and maybe the sign of the zodiac and how many sun spots there are. OK, the last two were just silly but I guess that's my way of saying that it's just one of those things that's a little hard to put a finger on. I don't think anybody is trying to slight you in any way. Sometimes I come here and I'm in the mood to write responses to almost everybody and other times I read and read and don't respond at all because I'm feeling down myself, or because the questions are things I really don't have any knowledge of, or sometimes even I have an opinion but I think it's one I'd be better off keeping my mouth shut about. (I probably don't do that often enough).

    Anyway, don't feel bad; we're glad you're here. Good luck!
  14. JulieD

    JulieD New Member


    Since I have been on this board for almost 4 years now this topic has come up very often. I must say I am probably guilty of not answering as many posts as I should lately, but I have been involved in family things and haven't had the time to get very involved in people's stories. I read many posts but I look for those that are dealing with the same sort of issues I am and feel that a few heartfelt replies are better than a lot of just thinking of you posts. I think you will find that the longer you are here the more you will react the same way. After telling my story zillions of times and giving the same advice I now look for those situations I can relate to better. It does not mean that I don't care about the people who I do not reply to. I actually read many many posts but just don't have time to reply to them all.

    I use to feel the same way you do about not getting many replies to my posts. I can assure you though that there is absolutely no conscious effort on anyone's part to ignore certain people, honestly. I am sorry you felt rejected.

  15. ck1992

    ck1992 New Member

    Just a suggestion, Hope...

    One thing that I did when I was new which really helped was that I emailed some members who seemed to be in similar situations and struck up friendships that way. There are lots of things that I don't mind our membership hearing but recognize that it's not just the members who read the board...but the WORLD! For those topics, or just when I feel/felt like being extra silly or extra whiney ;)f I would use email or IM instead.

    I am not suggesting that you abandon the board, just use the resources available here and the best resources are the members. No doubt about it.

    I've heard privately from lots of other members who have felt as you are feeling now...that they feel ignored. My first question back to them is always, "How many replies to others did you make today?"

    There is no doubt about it that the reply numbers are down lately. This happens, not only on weekends but also in the summer as families are busy doing other things. in my humble opinion, the success of this board- and all message boards- is the give and take of the entire membership, not just a few.

    Trust me---we have all been in your shoes before...look around--is there anyone whose advice you admire and/or you would like to know better? In addition to posting to the general population here- email the the people you connect with!

  16. LyndaH

    LyndaH New Member

    Suz is absolutely correct. When I think back on things, I know I feel more of a need to respond to people who I have formed a relationship with. Quite a few of them we have taken the friendship outside the boundries of this board. We email and IM together too. Its not that we form cliques but more that friendships form. The longer you are here and the more people that you meet on here, you will find people that you think are cool people that you would like to know more. Email and even IM them. Its alot of fun and more relaxing than just posting on the board.
  17. Guest

    Hi Hope,
    I am new here too. Please hang in there. I have found that at this point in time I get more out of reading other people's posts than I do from answering yet.
    I have answered a couple of posts that I felt sure about and I think yours may have been one of them.
    Anyway, hang in there and see if reading other posts doesn't help as much or more as the answers you get to your own.
    I don't mean this to sound like a bad thing, but if I read long enough, I always find someone with bigger problems than mine and it tends to keep my problems in perspective for me! lol
    Good luck!
  18. Guest

    I can only speak for myself, but I usually only post replies if I feel I can offer something of value, support or info. I have trouble coming up with something to say unless I can relate to a post in some way. Also, I don't come here every day, and when I do come here, I'm usually pulled away from the computer so many times I can't count because of my kids :rolleyes:

    This board has saved my sanity over the last few years. I've found that even if I don't get a lot of replies to my posts sometimes, I still get a lot of valuable info just reading others' posts.

    I hope you stay!
  19. Guest


    I'm sorry that this is happening to you! As it has been already stated, this happens to quite a few people, including myself. I know though, that it doesn't make it any less painful. But, it is not an intential snub.

    Everyone has done a pretty good job explaining the "whys" this is happening. The one thing that has helped me is if I indicate whether I want advice or whether I am wanting emotional support.

    When I am reading a post and I know that a person is just wanting advice and someone else has done a very good job of covering it, I won't post. But if a person is asking for emotional support (prayers, venting, etc.), I'll post even if there is nothing additional to say, if anything just to offer hugs.

    It sounds like it's been a downer time for you! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

  20. Guest

    I appreciate all who responded with ideas and suggestions.

    Fran- of course I would rather have heartfelt responses and there is no magic number either. I did a post a few days or more back- about something that I know many here have gone through, I got a response from one wonderful person- someone else did a post close to the same subject shortly after and they got at least 10 people comming to offer support. My post went to the second page- I deleted it. I honestly felt like I was slapped in the face. Most of my posts here are replies. I can see there are strong friendships here, and as an outsider or newcommer it is hard to fit in- unless you are outgoing which I am not. I was/am nervous to say the wrong thing to those who have been here for a long time- this is my own securities I know.

    I am sorry this has been brought up before and you are getting sick of it- maybe that means it is something that should get looked at- or on the other hand this board has been around and survived a long time before any of us felt "left out" and it will survive weather we stay or not.

    I can understand why some posts go left unnoticed- and yes I did feel that most of mine did like I had done something wrong.

    I am thankful for this place, and thankful for all that gave there support and knowledge on this thread.