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What is Rock Bottom?
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 725318" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>New Leaf,</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are here in this difficult part of the ebb and flow. You are an example of grace to me. </p><p></p><p>Earlier on, I had spent a lot of time steeped in dread about the dark possibilities of what was happening and what could still happen to my son. It was overwhelming. So I forced myself to squarely confront the rock bottom issue. As scary as it was, I found it helpful to let myself immersively contemplate all the possibilities, at least once, rather than constantly bat them away as they intruded into my consciousness. </p><p></p><p>SWOT comments from time to time about the many outcomes she has witnessed in her years on the board. She has observed that loving detachment always preceded positive change -- but did not guarantee it.</p><p></p><p>Iron Butterfly recently described the trajectory for a new member and about how this can go, both good and bad:</p><p></p><p><em><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">We too, were scared to take the first of many steps, set limits, give them many chances, find and get them doctor's, rehab. Then we get to the point of kicking them out of the house, then no money for phones, cars, drugs, etc. Some get to the point where they have to call the police and file charges. Then the parents who have Difficult Child's who are in jail for months to years. Then sadly, those parents who have lost the battle and had to bury their Difficult Child's. There are many success stories here as well. </span></em></p><p></p><p>I had to wrap my head around these ideas. It felt really hard to live, and difficult to give and love unconditionally, while I was waiting; whether for positive signs, the epiphany or for more shoes to drop. </p><p></p><p>I needed to sit in these scenarios to be liberated from the dread of them. And to answer the question: "How do I remain loving for that guy?" before a new wave of disbelief, anger and shame could infect my empathy. The risks they take, make it so I am keenly aware of the clock ticking on my own behavior. I have to stay in a loving place even though I am afraid. </p><p></p><p>I think it would be wonderful to give Tornado a chance to feel your love. Like your son did with the pizza. And even if there's hope behind the gesture, I know you can manage it. I just don't think it should be driven by the need to assuage dark thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 725318, member: 19290"] New Leaf, I am sorry you are here in this difficult part of the ebb and flow. You are an example of grace to me. Earlier on, I had spent a lot of time steeped in dread about the dark possibilities of what was happening and what could still happen to my son. It was overwhelming. So I forced myself to squarely confront the rock bottom issue. As scary as it was, I found it helpful to let myself immersively contemplate all the possibilities, at least once, rather than constantly bat them away as they intruded into my consciousness. SWOT comments from time to time about the many outcomes she has witnessed in her years on the board. She has observed that loving detachment always preceded positive change -- but did not guarantee it. Iron Butterfly recently described the trajectory for a new member and about how this can go, both good and bad: [I][FONT=Georgia]We too, were scared to take the first of many steps, set limits, give them many chances, find and get them doctor's, rehab. Then we get to the point of kicking them out of the house, then no money for phones, cars, drugs, etc. Some get to the point where they have to call the police and file charges. Then the parents who have Difficult Child's who are in jail for months to years. Then sadly, those parents who have lost the battle and had to bury their Difficult Child's. There are many success stories here as well. [/FONT][/I] I had to wrap my head around these ideas. It felt really hard to live, and difficult to give and love unconditionally, while I was waiting; whether for positive signs, the epiphany or for more shoes to drop. I needed to sit in these scenarios to be liberated from the dread of them. And to answer the question: "How do I remain loving for that guy?" before a new wave of disbelief, anger and shame could infect my empathy. The risks they take, make it so I am keenly aware of the clock ticking on my own behavior. I have to stay in a loving place even though I am afraid. I think it would be wonderful to give Tornado a chance to feel your love. Like your son did with the pizza. And even if there's hope behind the gesture, I know you can manage it. I just don't think it should be driven by the need to assuage dark thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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