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Parent Emeritus
What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 622871" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>I have interpreted detachment as how I think about the situation inside my own head. It doesn't mean I don't have any contact with my son, but it has made the contact much healthier. I am able to deal with things by creating an invisible fluffy protective blanket around my worst sadness, fear and distress. It's not allowed to affect every aspect of my day-to-day life any more. I see the detachment as a metaphor for my mental separation rather than a physical separation. So I can listen to him and be objective with my responses. I can love him without conditions attached about the way he is living, because I can't do anything about that anyway and he doesn't want me to interfere. He just wants me to accept him as he is. So I have. But I also don't fund his lifestyle any more because he is a grown-up and I wouldn't expect him to fund my lifestyle. And I don't drop everything to run and sort out his problems, because he is a grown-up and I wouldn't want him to come and try and sort out my problems. Balance is the key to a lot of things in life, and I'm far more balanced now. He has to find his own balance, I was making that worse before I detached. I can see that now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 622871, member: 17650"] I have interpreted detachment as how I think about the situation inside my own head. It doesn't mean I don't have any contact with my son, but it has made the contact much healthier. I am able to deal with things by creating an invisible fluffy protective blanket around my worst sadness, fear and distress. It's not allowed to affect every aspect of my day-to-day life any more. I see the detachment as a metaphor for my mental separation rather than a physical separation. So I can listen to him and be objective with my responses. I can love him without conditions attached about the way he is living, because I can't do anything about that anyway and he doesn't want me to interfere. He just wants me to accept him as he is. So I have. But I also don't fund his lifestyle any more because he is a grown-up and I wouldn't expect him to fund my lifestyle. And I don't drop everything to run and sort out his problems, because he is a grown-up and I wouldn't want him to come and try and sort out my problems. Balance is the key to a lot of things in life, and I'm far more balanced now. He has to find his own balance, I was making that worse before I detached. I can see that now. [/QUOTE]
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What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
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