WHAT is WRONG with people? (rant of sorts)

susiestar

Roll With It
Marg - you are NAUGHTY!! I LOVE the lipstickon the wiper blades, but worry that the smears in bad weather could cause a wreck.

But lipstick on the headlights? Genius.

I think I may do flyers also, though I rarely see anyone in handicapped spaces with-/o stickers. (I actually DID have someone challenge me on my sticker. I got one of the 5 year ones rather than the 6 month ones. The doctor insisted I get it. I offered to let the idiot who said I wasn't disabled chat with my doctor. I even dialed the phone - he left in a HURRY, but did mumble "I'm sorry" on his way.
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
I'm really surprised that so many of you see rude behavior. I am surprised often at the courtesy of strangers especially in NC. I have seen so many strangers go out of the way to help someone who is struggling with packages or doors. Maybe I don't see all the rudeness. I see it here and there and feel sad for someone who can't find a reason to do their job or live their life with courtesy.

I am surprised with the amount of thoughtfulness and common courtesy I see every day.

The handicapped parking thing is a peeve. Both my parents had a sticker and if they weren't in the car, it was not used. Not that it isn't tempting. I just figured that I could loose my ability to walk if I used that sticker. (old catholic school guilt rears it's head) Negative karma or something.

I believe we get back what we put out. Maybe not right away but eventually.
I'll keep looking for people to do the right and human thing and hopefully I won't see any of the chronic ugliness that you see. Of course, it has to start with me. Somedays I'm not as inclined to be polite as others but I try to keep my lips zipped and offer to do something kind to balance out my ugly mood.
 

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
I just want to say that while it's easy to avoid interacting with people, it is better if we do interact with others, especially rude people. The hope is that they will see what you are seeing and change their ways. The other hopes is that cheerfulness, helpfulness and pleasantries will spread and spread the more we put it out there.

Perhaps we are simply more sensitive to it due to living with or raising difficult child's or from living with certain debilitating illnesses.

It's so strange because at times I see people go over the top with trying to be politically correct or to help out that they actually go too far or hinder another person's goal. For instance, what is up with those "Parking reserved for parent with infant" parking spots that have a mobile sign that can be moved?? That irritates me a bit, I have to admit. I think it's over the top. I mean, c'mon already. Another example: there is a woman who is confined to a scooter in our work building. She obviously prides herself on maintaining her independence. If I wait a few minutes holding the door for her she will wave me to go and says, "I got it. Please don't wait." And one afternoon during an especially bad snowstorm last winter she was sitting in the foyer so I asked her if she needed anything and she complained that her village bus was stuck in snow and wouldn't be there for an hour. I knew where her village was located (nearby my office) and offered to take her home in my car. She seemed annoyed with me and instead of saying something like, "no but thank you for the offer" she just looked at me like I was nuts and said she'd rather wait for the bus. Okay.

I think we have to continue to do the right thing, offer our assistance, smile at strangers and occasionally point out to the rude people the error of their ways...but with caution.

I think leaving a note on a wrongly parked car in a handicapped space is enough. It lets them know they've been noticed doing something wrong. If that doesn't make them think twice about parking there next time, nothing will. They are simply ignorant. Hopefully, their family line will either evolve or die off.
 

muttmeister

Well-Known Member
I live in a part of the country where MOST people are nice MOST of the time....but we definitely still have our share of idiots and they do annoy me. I tend to be a little mouthy so it's a wonder I haven't been attacked by now. That's why I try to stay out of the stores between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I'd rather be home with my dogs.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
These days in our area, most people parked in disabled spots do have their permit up. I rarely see someone apparently able-bodied using a permit but I also try to remember that not all physical disabilities are immediately obvious. husband can LOOK perfectly physically capable but although he doesn't have a permit, probably would qualify. His lifestyle means he has little need of one except for the times when he's not at work. And at those times I'm usually with him so we get to use MY permit. He says he doesn't like going back to the car on his own to load shopping or to move the car (to come get me from wherever I've walked to) because people WILL speak to him. If they do he explains that I am the person for whom the permit has been issued and I am also with him, he's just helping me out.

Or it mightn't be me, it could be mother in law. But the photo of the disabled person is available to be produced and shown at any time (it is hidden at the back of the permit) so if a parking inspector challenges you for using a disabled permit, you have to produce it and verify your identity. It means that if husband is driving his mother around in our car, he has to make sure it's mother in law's permit and not mine that he has up.

As for people being nice - they generally are, here in Australia. But occasionally you find a real ratbag who can be very rude. I will speak up, I try to be polite, I will not swear at someone but I will chide them for swearing at me especially if I have difficult child 3 with me (or another child).

Another important point - disabled people often HAVE to seem independent. There are many reasons:

1) If you accept favours, then you are beholden to someone. You owe them a favour (or it could be seen that way). And sometimes you're not in a position to return a favour and that can be awkward.

2) If you accept favours for what you CAN do, you devalue your own efforts. You also lose a fragment of your hard-won independence. You begin to feel less capable, less strong. And sometimes we need every bit of out intestinal fortitude (aka "guts") to keep doing what we do.

3) Sometimes we have developed our own way of doing things, our own methods. I see it constantly - a doctor wants to examine me so I get up onto the couch. The doctor then tries to help me down - but seriously mate, you try to help me and we'll both end up on the floor. Much better to let me do it in my own way - I've got it down to a fine art.
Similarly, someone holding out a hand to help me down a rough bit of ground or some steps - thank you, but no. Your hand is not stable enough for me and it will not support my entire weight. I need to lean on something rigid like a stair rail or a walking stick. Or my crutches. if you REALLY want to help and nothing rigid is available, then let me lean on your shoulder. It is attached to your spine more closely ands that CAN bear my weight and will move less.

In the time it takes me to explain all this, it's quicker to say, "Thank you, but I need something more rigid. I have to do this myself." I know I have put some people off but when they get to know me, they do understand better.

We have our own way of doing things. Some disabled people will use you for everything possible and never say thank you (I have a friend like this). She has never learned these manners and would probably find them a drain, as she would ALWAYS be saying "thank you" and dragging herself down into a sense of helplessness every time. It is how she was raised, how she has lived. Life has been rough for her. Like a lot of disabled people, she was in a relationship with a man who sought out helpless people because they are easier to control physically and to abuse. Amazingly she isn't immediately suspicious of people; but a lot of her friends are.

All I can suggest, when offering to help someone with a disability, is to at first only offer to help as much as you would hep someone able-bodied, if it is a situation where nothing is out of the ordinary (opening doors, for example). Chances are in a commonplace situation, the disabled person has worked out their own very effective way of doing it (for example, I use the end of my crutch to prop the door. That way I'm actually BETTER equipped than most able-bodied people to hold open a door. The rubber stopper on my crutch grips the floor and the door really effectively AND I can stand back to let people through. So please, let me help YOU).
It is in an unusual situation that your help may be needed - a disabled person who drops their parcels, for example. You would help anybody, wouldn't you? Or trying to reach for something on the top shelf.

Jo, the person you're trying to help may simply have a chip on her shoulder where her own independence has a very high value. Let her see you offering to help able-bodied people, to make it clear to her that you are not extending her any special favours. It can take years to accept your own disability. Sometimes never. Every offer of help can be a reminder of your own frailty, which for a person previously active and independent, can be very painful.

If she were an Aussie I'd tell you to be rude to her with a smile on your face - tell her she's big and ugly enough to look after herself and you as well. Or next time she's stranded, tell her to get a long extension lead for her scooter and drive herself home. To billy-oh with the bus. Maybe she could offer to give the bus a tow when it breaks down next time?
But in your area - I don't know.

I am often out on my scooter at night, and meet some of the local thugs and ratbags. It can be scary. But if I show fear I am done. So I meet them with good humour and friendliness but keep moving. Once night I heard them in the trees in the park and a girl shouted, "Look at that! let's get it! I want a ride!"
As they came running over to me (much faster than my scooter can go) I stopped and waited, called out, "G'day!" and added, "You can get these things fairly readily. But I really don't think you'd want the disability that goes along with it!"

By making a joke out of it, I allowed the person who said, "Let's get it! I want one!" a chance to save face, so they didn't try to take the scooter from me but allowed me to go on my way. It also reminded them that I AM disabled and to beat me up would be no glory. By being friendly and polite, I was treating them with respect, which was unusual for them and which they valued (maybe not consciously). And now whenever I'm out and about, I get young kids, teens and young adults I don't recognise (because it was dark) calling out "G'day!"
I know some of them have beaten up friends of mine, but I don't know who. I will support my friends and help gather evidence where I can, but I also will protect myself when I have to. When you're disabled you can feel very vulnerable. It's not a nice feeling, so we do our best to try to FEEL and SEM independent and strong. Some of us are better actors.

Marg
 

gcvmom

Here we go again!
Bumper sticker has my vote, too.

For the most part, at least in my part of this county, people don't use the handicap spots illegally. And because of state laws, there are usually ample handicap spots available. Maybe it's in the water. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's all those happy cows...
 

Marguerite

Active Member
I get narky that hospitals and medical centres seem to have the same proportion of disabled spots as shopping malls. Administrators forget that you get more disabled people visiting hospitals and medical centres, yet there are never enough parking spots. And in hospital parking stations, we still get charged the same amount per hour even though the laws say that outside at parking meters we don't have to pay at all. So we drive into hospital parking stations and end up parking so far away from the exits or the elevators that it takes us MUCH longer to get to and from the car, and we end up paying more because of the extra time; we're getting penalised for the lack of disabled spots.

Airports are also bad - we have a technique for avoiding the really expensive (usorious?) parking fees at the airport. We arrange ahead of time for the person we're collecting to call our mobile phone (prank call) when they've collected their bags and are at the bus terminal. Then we leave our parking spot away from the airport (five minutes down the road) and drive trough, getting stuck behind a bus at the terminal. This gives our passenger time to jump in with their bags. We then drive just up the road a small distance to more carefully pack the car, fasten everything down, say g'day properly and work out our plans from there.

It's got so that husband & I have our favourite spots to wait when collecting someone from the airport. We pull up, park in the shade, drink our coffee and read a book while listening to the radio (or even watching TV on easy child 2/difficult child 2's little portable TV plugged into the lighter socket). We could be half an hour, we could be longer. But at $20 a half hour, we're saving big bikkies.

Marg
 
My boss is a quadraplegic, and the stories she can tell! Not only do people without tags or stickers park in the disabled spaces - they also park over the line of the spaces. Parking lots in our state have a certain percentage of spaces that are extra wide for vans with ramps. Countless times my boss has parked in such a space (her only choice) and come back to her van to discover an extra car squeezed into her ramp area or someone parked "over the line". Then she has to sit and wait until the person comes back in order to enter her vehicle - regardless of the weather - rain, shine, hot, cold. She tells me it runs about 50 -50. Some people are very embarrassed, swear they didn't understand that was one parking space, apologize, and slink off. Others have flipped her off - even using obscene gestures. Occasionally the police spot her, stick around, and give tickets. One enterprising policeman even went store to store to find the offending party. What a gem!

People with disabled tags can be deputized to give tickets in our state. Unfortunately, if you write the tickets, you have to take the time to go to court if the offender decides to go there. My boss says she's much too busy to fool with that - so she has become very philosophical about the issue. Through all of this, she doesn't miss a beat. She just keeps on living her life. She's truly an amazing woman!
 

maril

New Member
This is why I don't leave my house. People svck.

If I can, I set out to run errands and shop at times when I can avoid crowds. The shopping online idea is a good one, too. I used to get so irritated with rude people but am getting a bit desensitized to the behavior lately. I do try to be polite. Also, I never park in handicapped spaces.

I would like to live in a place like meowbunny, Fran, or susiestar!

Nomad mentioned getting good service - almost 100% of the time, whether it is a fast-food place or restaurant, the service has been fairly good and we have been served by some very polite people, including young ones.

difficult child is learning to drive (actually has been at it for nine months) and it is very difficult, as far as teaching him to properly deal with road rage and blatantly inept drivers. I already yanked his driver's permit for awhile a couple of times for different reasons, including that he had lost his temper and control of himself while driving. I am determined to "train" him to be a defensive driver and to drive to survive. Big task for me. :faint:
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Here's the proof on the bumper sticker -

I PARK ILLEGALLY IN HANDICAPPED SPACES
I ENJOY HAVING EXPENSIVE DAYS IN COURT

MY CAR HAD IT'S PHOTO AND TAG TAKEN FOR
PARKING ILLEGALLY IN A HANDICAPPED SPOT
BAD CAR - THIS IS GONNA COST ME!

PARKED ILLEGALLY IN HANDICAP SPACE
WALKED INTO THE STORE
SHOULD CRAWL INTO TRAFFIC COURT

STILL LIKE #1 THE BEST DONNA - THANKS

working on the note - using Witz':tongue:






 
N

Nomad

Guest
Fran...
I have visited NC.
It is like a foreign country to me! It is so DIFFERENT than my area...and I mean this in a GOOD way. In my area, if you say hello to a stranger, it means you are 1) From North Carlolina 2) Want to 'hook up' or 3) Are about to get pick pocketed.

Many folks around my area have retired there (NC)after visiting just once.
I feel my blood pressure go down just going through the airport...which one would think would normally be a stressful experience.
 
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