What is your definition of a Disney Dad?

[BusynMember]

I was just talking to my sister about it and we disagreed. I said it's a divorced man who gives his kids a great time and every toy on earth when he has them. She says even a poor man can be a Disney Dad if he plays with them all the time and ignores the rules. I said I always thought it had to do with buying them stuff and taking them on vacations t hat Mom obviously can't afford along with the lack of forcing them to follow rules or do chores. What do you think? I have one more question too.

I live in a very middle class/working class town. My sister lives in a rich suburb and her boyfriend lives in a VERY rich suburb. According to her, it is commonplace for people in areas that have hockey as a big sport to have their own ice rinks built in their own back yards, and that you don't need to have money to have them. I said there are no ice rinks around here, except for the one that the kids play on for their games...and I chalked tha up to lack of money to build one???

We had the same g0-around about underground pools. She said you don't have to have money to build and maintain an inground pool. I said you do. Around here we have above ground pools, but maybe one very rich family has an in-ground pool. I think this family does have one. They also have a butler and a maid...lol. So am I just "out of it?" like my sister told me? I could be...One last question.

Do kids play LaCrosse in your area? I know it's big at college, but it isn't big for kids around her who are not in college. I am more inclined to believe that LaCrosse is maybe more common than I see, even in this working class area, but because my kids never played it, maybe I don't know.

So, good-naturedly (this is a fun thread) am I wrong? What do YOU think? It seems like my sister and I live in a different worlds and she is always trying to convince me that her world is the real world. But, truly, her suburb is very wealthy. Is mine just really poor and deprived? LOL.

Does a Disney Dad have to necessarily give his kids all the toys? That was our biggest disagreement

 

[AnnieO]

You're both right.

However, I lean more towards your definition, because... Well, when I met husband, he was all about buying the kids THINGS and amusement parks, entertainment. That first Christmas he bought the kids an Xbox. He was trying to make up for all the lost time with them. After we'd been dating long enough for me to insert my opinion, I pointed out that they'd rather spend time with him than get stuff. (GMIL did this to mother in law to get her out of her hair, then mother in law to husband, and... Yeah.)

So the expensive stuff started to dwindle, and stuff like camping and canoeing, a slip 'n' slide in the back yard, baking cookies, a backyard bonfire with s'mores... All ramped up. And despite all the koi that went on with bio... These are the things the kids remember from those years.

Playing WITH them - not so Disney, because kids want our time, at least when they're younger! At least in my opinion. I treasure some of the dumbest things my Dad brought me from his trips... But most of them are nowhere near as important as riding my bike with him, camping... Working on the car together...

 

[recoveringenabler]

I agree with Step in that you're both right about Disney Dads.

I live in No. CA. and in-ground pools are not the norm, but quite a number of folks have them and I think you could say that those folks are more affluent. However, my parents lived in Florida for quite some time, and almost everyone in their area had an in-ground pool, my parents did. It may be more dependent on climate. Putting in an in-ground pool in certain areas of Florida is a lot less expensive then it would be in other places. So again, you both may be correct, depending upon where you live.

 

[BusynMember]

She means in general. And we live in Wisconsin and Illinois. It is actually frivolous to put an inground pool in here. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

 

[witzend]

I think that a Disney dad doesn't necessarily have to have money. A Disney dad just gives the kid anything they want within their means. I don't think that they even have to be separated from mom.

 

[AnnieO]

What witz said! Exactly.

 

[Hound dog]

I agree with Witz. Money has nothing to do with it, it's the attitude. Nor does it have to be a dad either..........I've seen mom's married and unmarried that are just as bad.

As for hockey rinks in your back yard??? Holy moly! It would be less wasteful to have one in a central area the entire neighborhood could enjoy, more practical too. Pools........my bro has an in ground pool (eldest bro) and trust me, he's no where near comfortable....let alone rich. He just happened to be an idiot and buy a house with a pool. Nor does he have a clue how to maintain it so of course no one will go near the thing. lol I don't care for above ground pools.........and other than upfront costs, they're just as expensive to care for in my opinion. Give me a cheap plastic wading pool.....I'm happy. So were my kids, although pressed......Nichole used to swim in a large rubbermaid storage box for a few years. We weren't allowed pools at the HUD apartments.......but since it wasn't a "pool" manager couldn't do a darn thing and boy did it peeve her off.

I dunno. I'm sure it isn't all wealthy people, in fact I know it isn't, but it seems like the more money they get the more they get out of whack with reality and "normal". It becomes a I have the cash so why not thing instead of a Is this really necessary type thing. Know what I mean??

 

[BusynMember]

So if a man, who has no money, lets his kids do whatever they want to do and spends all his time with his kids playing board games, if that's what they want, that is also a Disney dad? Even if he doesn't buy anything? Sorry, I want to have something to tell my sister...either telling her I am wrong or....something....lol.

Nobody addressed the LaCrosse issue. I don't even know what LaCrosse is. It is my experience that LaCrosse is not popular in most neighborhoods in the US, but I could be wrong. I thought it was more of a college sport. Right? Wrong?

Anyone live in a town when many people have ice rinks in their back yards?

 

[AnnieO]

The disconnect is between "lets his kids do whatever they want to do" which is sort-of Disney - mostly it is neglectful in my opinion - and spends all his time with his kids (doing ANYTHING) - which is NOT Disney... I think.

I left lacrosse because I know nothing about it. Where's gcvmom? Hmmmmm will have to find her. I think she might know...

 

[BusynMember]

Ok,s o I assume most American parents are like me and don't even know what LaCrosse is, let alone have kids active in LaCrosse? Or am I wrong again?

 

[InsaneCdn]

LaCrosse... is a very Canadian sport! My brothers played it all summer, to keep in shape for hockey in the winter. It is NOT expensive to play - you need a rink without ice, running shoes, a lacrosse stick, and some nets. Some divisions require knee and elbow pads and helmets. Rules are similar to non-contact hockey.

So... while LaCrosse may be "exotic", I wouldn't consider it "over the top".

Disney Dad... doesn't do any of the "bad" stuff. It's ALL about having fun. SO... whether they spend bundles of money on the kids, or just spend bundles of time doing exactly what the kids want to do... there's no "rules enforcement", no "teaching", none of the heavy lifting. And yes, you can be married to a Disney Dad.

FWIW?
1) In our part of the world, if you have ANY pool, you're filthy rich. But having a pool doesn't mean the parents are Disney Parents... I know kids who's parents came up with the money for an INDOOR pool (here, a HUGE extravagance)... because 3 of their 4 kids were in competitive swimming, and it cut down the time and effort around practicing...
2) In our part of the world, back-yard rinks are NOT uncommon. Of course... we live in the land of hockey, so what else do you expect? You just need a big enough back yard... or a willing neighbor with no fence between.

 

[recoveringenabler]

LaCrosse is sort of like a cross between ice hockey and football. It is becoming more and more popular today. It is mostly played on the east coast. It is the fastest growing sport at the HS level.

I knew kids on the east coast who had ice skating areas on their property, I don't know that I'd call them rinks, but we could skate on them.

 

[Signorina]

LaCrosse is pretty big around here and it's huge on the East Coast. It's an expensive club sport- nowhere near as pricey as hockey but more expensive than soccer due to equip costs. Appeals to a lot of hockey and FB players due to the spring season and similar skill set. Also, its nowhere near as popular as hockey or football-yet college scholarship offerings are readily available. So-it's a great sport for HS hockey/FB players who are looking for an athletic scholarship or college sport.

 

[1905]

A Disney dad is a liar and bs'er. He would get my cousins' childrens hopes up, even going to BUY THEM A WHOLE CAMP, these kids believed it all. He just went from woman to woman scamming them all and never working. Getting his kids' hopes up -and they believed every word- only to be let down SO HARD. Meanwhile, my cousins heart would break because she worked 2 jobs to support those kids and the man never worked or paid. He had her remorgage the house before he left suddenly with the money. This was a pattern. The kids thought he was so great, even though he never did anything. That is my (probably wrong) definition of a Disney dad. The kids are grown now, one is a Disney dad himself and the other blames my cousin for all the woes in the world. The kids' think daddy is the best man alive, even though he has stolen from them.....etc....sorry. Disney dad def from me.

 

[Hound dog]

I know what it is.........and that is about it. I know in my area unless someone read about it in a book or stumbled across it on a sports network.......they would give you a blank stare. In my experience, it's popular in certain locations and with certain income levels.......high ones. lol Someone in the north east might know more about it........dunno.

 

[hearts and roses]

Well, hahahaha, my exh and biodad of my daughters is by no means a rich man. In fact, he's just about always on the verge of being evicted or homeless...has been forEVER.

How was he a Disney dad? He was never around for the difficult stuff, the laying down of the laws, the disciplining for poor behavior and bad choices, the lesson-teaching, the crying fits and meltdowns.

No, when our girls were with him, everything was honky-dory...it was lala land and he entertained them in ways that I could not because instead of sending his child support, he snorted it up his nose...and when the girls were with him, he spent his rent money to show them a good time at a water park or the arcade, local fairs and Italian feasts, breakfasts out, etc.

When difficult child was finally diagnosis'd and we finally, three years later, agreed to try medications (and they worked!), he wouldn't make her take them when she was with him. He would tell her that she is on vacation from 'real life' and that I was 'crazy' and make a funny face and tell her to leave her medications in her bag for the week. They were allowed to drink sodas and eat Mac-n-cheese just about every day, didn't have to brush their teeth and stayed up till all hours...we all know what happens to a difficult child when she is on a sugar high and up all night, don't we?

To me a Disney dad is a permissive dad, rich or poor doesn't matter...when the kids are with him, anything goes and it used to take about a week for them to settle back into 'normal' at home...and difficult child would make everyone's life a living hell. Oh and he would make empty promises over the phone and then when they showed up he would lie about them and distract them with something fun like horseback riding.

Just thinking about all that ancient history makes my blood boil.

 

[hearts and roses]

LaCrosse is like field hockey, except instead of the ball being on the ground, it's caught and 'thrown' using sticks that have small nets on the end. It's a scary, but fun, game to watch, very exciting! However, not too many moms I know allow their daughters to play anything except field hockey, basketball or softball around here. They are the best sports to earn scholarships to good colleges if you're from around these parts.

A LOT of people and town greens have ice rinks in their yards in the winter around here.

 

[klmno]

I agree with the others. In the simplest of terms that I've always thought of it: it's the guy (or grandmother or whomever) that reinforces to the kid that he/she is the one there to have fun with- Mom is the one who enforces rules and has expectations, routines, etc. After going thru the koi with my half-bro and mother and even a PO who couldn't get her rear out of her ***, I'm convinced it can be anyone who is just trying to always be "good and fun" guy for the kid and really, they are undermining the effectiveness of the responsible parent and yes, they know it- that's their point, in my humble opinion. No parent (or authoraty figure) who was responsible and really cared would approach parenting that way.

 

[SuZir]

1) In our part of the world, if you have ANY pool, you're filthy rich. But having a pool doesn't mean the parents are Disney Parents... I know kids who's parents came up with the money for an INDOOR pool (here, a HUGE extravagance)... because 3 of their 4 kids were in competitive swimming, and it cut down the time and effort around practicing...
2) In our part of the world, back-yard rinks are NOT uncommon. Of course... we live in the land of hockey, so what else do you expect? You just need a big enough back yard... or a willing neighbor with no fence between.

I'm with you here. Pools are for people who have a lot of money to burn. Or those unfortunate enough to buy a house that was build in late sixties and before 1973 oil crisis and which has not been renovated since.

Back-yard skating areas then again, totally common. No one of course have full-size rink, but many have a small skating area when their kids are small. That isn't expensive, all you need is flat space and some water. And let's face it, would you rather be comfortably in your own home and look out of the window every few minutes to check them or stand hours and hours in the side of your neighbourhood rink in freezing cold weather, while you kids try to learn to skate? Patch of ice in our yard, cross-country skiing route around the yard and nearby field in winter time and soccer goal and patch of flat lawn and basket in our garage wall saved my sanity when my kids were small

 

[BusynMember]

Suzir, no, she is talking about full size hockey rinks. I kid you not. Oh, yes. "With the goals too.