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What is your "true north"?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 661612" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Copa....related to your post above, when my father died, I was surprised how shook up I was for several months. For me, personally, I was comfortable with my choices with reference to how I helped him (limited with boundaries) as he approached death and then passed away. But, when he actually died, it came crashing down on me that this meant there would be no apologies ever for his abuses, no death bed apologies or awareness, no even remote acknowledgement from him that he wished he had done better...no nothing. In fact, one day he blurted out that he always loved me (I almost fainted) and literally seconds later he was angry, mean, ugly and vindictive. It was a different kind of grief than when my mother died. Grief that I never had a normal father, grief for all that I never acknowledged had to have caused me much damage and grief that my father never would apologize. Well, it took time, but I eventually came to terms with it. And similarly with my difficult child, I can't change her no matter how much I wish it were different. No matter how much it should be different. No matter how illogical. No matter how unfair. With my difficult child, I had to get down on my knees and ask my Higher Power to take this "burden" away. I learned that from AA...even though I'm not much of a drinker at all. I'm not even particularly religious. But, I realized that for one, the pain was too great for me to handle alone and secondly, in order for me to go forward and to be happy and strong, I HAD to let it go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 661612, member: 4152"] Copa....related to your post above, when my father died, I was surprised how shook up I was for several months. For me, personally, I was comfortable with my choices with reference to how I helped him (limited with boundaries) as he approached death and then passed away. But, when he actually died, it came crashing down on me that this meant there would be no apologies ever for his abuses, no death bed apologies or awareness, no even remote acknowledgement from him that he wished he had done better...no nothing. In fact, one day he blurted out that he always loved me (I almost fainted) and literally seconds later he was angry, mean, ugly and vindictive. It was a different kind of grief than when my mother died. Grief that I never had a normal father, grief for all that I never acknowledged had to have caused me much damage and grief that my father never would apologize. Well, it took time, but I eventually came to terms with it. And similarly with my difficult child, I can't change her no matter how much I wish it were different. No matter how much it should be different. No matter how illogical. No matter how unfair. With my difficult child, I had to get down on my knees and ask my Higher Power to take this "burden" away. I learned that from AA...even though I'm not much of a drinker at all. I'm not even particularly religious. But, I realized that for one, the pain was too great for me to handle alone and secondly, in order for me to go forward and to be happy and strong, I HAD to let it go. [/QUOTE]
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What is your "true north"?
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