What kind of kid says he hopes you die?

[Robinboots]

The cancer diagnosis was almost a year ago. I really doubt he's "coping", I think he's just being an azz, Know what I mean?? Or a difficult child...I don't know anymore, hard to tell. He could have "coped" at any other time; this was just plain hurtful because he's made HUGE mistakes, can't get back to where he might want, OR doesn't want to.

 

[DammitJanet]

Ok...take a peak at anti social personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. Might explain things.

I will tell you this. My son can have little to no empathy about a lot of things but he gets very upset when it is something concerning the health and safety of his family so that is one of the "hallmarks" of ASPD that he just doesnt hit which is why he gets just the personality disorder-not otherwise specified label. Actually my son is a very caring kid when it comes to people he knows. Now world events...those he gets a little iffy on.

 

[Robinboots]

I've suspected ASPD for going on two years.... He's diagnosis with CD, natch, with some possible comorbidity - we just aren't sure on specifics, due to his taking off, skipping appts, etc. He'll be 18 in 9 months and 2 days, which is one of the nuttier parameters of ASPD....

I should also add that he has no problem with lying about other family members either, most esp. me, of course, but also husband, DS12, his aunt, his grandmas, etc. Or friends. Or, really, anyone.

He talks constantly about "family" and how he doesn't feel like a part of ours, and tells everyone these outrageous things we've done or said. He makes zero effort himself to be part of the family.

Here's one example: he told his DJO that he wanted nothing to do with his family - us - and doesn't want to live here or see us or anything. Period. He was quite vocal and positive about that. THEN he asked if he could have permission to go to TX in May - with us - to see his sister graduate.

WTH??

 

[BusynMember]

Here's a forum about ASPD...it's pretty informative. Check out narcissistic too. If you read the posts by the antisocials you'll see that they were kind of born without feelings toward others...that includes peers too. They are kind of emotionally dead inside. Narcissistic are a lot like them, but they do crave attention and adoration from people even if they despise them. I think the first site is better...more info. I looked at it out of morbid curiosity one day.

http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/

http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=78

 

[Wiped Out]

I've heard from my difficult child more than once as well. I get so much garbage from difficult child-most days I have on my rhino skin and it rolls right off-other days it stings even after all this time. Hugs to you.

 

[KJsMama]

Oh, Sweetie. I'm so sorry to read about your morning. Your difficult child sounds so much like mine. The lies, manipulation, not wanting to be part of the family, saying that he would be better if we just didn't check on him, etc. I haven't heard those exact words - yet - but I'm sure they're coming at some point. My heart breaks for you. I'm tired of it already and I've just begun the hardest part of this journey (those teen years). Youre not alone. ((((hugs))))

 

[Robinboots]

Thanks everyone. I'll check out both sites....

 

[Robinboots]

Oh, yeah - the teen years. Doesn't help, I'm sure! But like I told husband today - this is NOT NORMAL. I know plenty of teenagers who are respectful, do what they're supposed to do (most of the time!), and so forth. My blog today was, of course, on this very topic. Normal vs. not.

Personally, we should go back to the old days where kids got married at 15 or 16. Fine by me!

 

[DammitJanet]

lol...you are assuming a girl would want to marry someone who acted that way!

 

[KJsMama]

I completely agree - NOT NORMAL. I'm just coming to grips that my difficult child's "issues" are abnormal and not just regular teen stuff. "Normal" teens don't rob convenience stores (at 14) just because they're frustrated that they have no money or run away from a comfy, peaceful house to live in an abonded house by themself. Definitely not normal. I feel for you...Ya, lets marry them off. Maybe wife can do something...

 

[Robinboots]

LOL Janet! Sometimes we just have to laugh, nothing else to be done.... T minus 7 days! I did mention to the DJO that perhaps the judge didn't order a pickup re his probation violations either because A) he wanted to see how difficult child would handle things or B) to let difficult child hang himself, so to speak, by doing more stupid things.

(As you can see, I still struggle with whether difficult child is being a butthead or is indeed mentally ill. So I sometimes vacilate between anger and sadness...or both at once!)

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

Personally, we should go back to the old days where kids got married at 15 or 16. Fine by me!

Uh, well... in my state they can. Mine did. Dunno about your state. Maybe you should consider moving....

 

[Robinboots]

We ARE considering moving. Just not telling "anyone". Ha.

Seriously, we've been moving toward buying a house for a while now...we're renting, and I have tenants in our TX house, but in here in MO you have to be 18 or have parental permission. I might consider giving that permission, if only to emancipate him, but like Janet said.....

 

[KTMom91]

Mine has said that. Many times over the years. And she hates me, hates my Hubby, hates living here...you know the drill.

Still unpleasant to hear, though.

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

...here in MO you have to be 18 or have parental permission. I might consider giving that permission, if only to emancipate him, but like Janet said.....

Yes, that's what I did. I gave permission. My difficult child has wished me dead over and over and has said so. Yes, I know what Janet said, but all it takes is one.... Mine found one. Yours can too if that's the goal.

I see her situation as incredibly sad...not at all what I would have wanted for her. However... I would not have been able to keep her here much longer. Marriage or state custody? What an impossible choice. I think what she got was "as good as it gets" under the circumstances.

 

[Robinboots]

Yes, I know it well - hates everything but his cell phone...ha.

The permission is what I was faced with too - my difficult child was in state custody for 6 months, because he accused husband of abuse and his DJO, who knows all, sees all, lol, was out-of-town, long story. Since I was going crazy dealing with his antics, and trying to keep up with his issues, and he was throwing everyone in constant turmoil, I finally had enough. Thankfully, I'd known since he was about 5 that you could drop this kid anywhere, any time, and he'd survive just fine. I was always rather proud of this perceived ability of his. Ha. And ha again.

So I said: you can choose to follow the rules, bide your time, save up money - which I was holding for him, as per a budget we drew up - and move out at 18 or go to the University as you say you want; or you can leave now. Choose wisely, make an adult decision and show me you have what it takes.

So he left. I didn't know where he was for quite a few days, altho I had my suspicions which did pan out. He'd left town. He's back, after a week, was here for 90 minutes and is supposedly saying with a friend about half a mile or so from home. No real idea, but since he dropped by today I know for sure he's alive and looks fine. Could use a haircut. Tried to get money for that too.

 

[Robinboots]

Also meant to add - sorry, brain seems to be on hold tonight - that yes, there probably IS one out there. Like his last "girlfriend" who was the ONLY one in his circle who wasn't aware of all the issues. Pretty sure she is now....I mean, he's known her for several months already.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh there is always someone for everyone! Heaven knows, I found Tony and he saved my sorry behind. Trust me, I could have rivaled some of the best of the difficult child's on this board.

 

[TerryJ2]

I'm so sorry, Robin.
They always hit where it hurts.
You've gotten some great advice here.
I can only imagine that difficult child will regret saying those things someday, when he's about 50 ...

But, crummy housekeeping skills? Sheesh.

 

[Robinboots]

Yeah, you didn't know? Dusting is my priority in life these days, lol!

Let's see, when he's 50 I'll be 78. Yikes.