what next

[Suz]

I sure know how to pick 'em...

Don't assume any of this guilt. If Tink just turned 8, that means you "picked" him (most likely got "surprised" by this) almost 9 years ago. Besides, I don't know a woman alive who hasn't been captivated by a twinkle in the wrong person's eyes at one point or another.

I feel sorry for Tink. I hope she will learn to adapt as you have. She has a terrific role model in you. Hang in there and please give her a hug from me.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[DDD]

After raising three children who were regularly disappointed by their father I have some free advise.........advise that I did NOT utilize in raising the kids and wish that I had used.

BBK, although I completely and totally understand the pain you and Tink are experiencing due to your Ex., I really think you need to look at this as an learning opportunity for Tink. What lesson am I referring to??

Whether you are 8 years old or 80 years old every day you make choices.
Even though Daddy loves you with his whole heart (you don't have describe his heart compared to a great functioning Daddy heart ) he
evidently made a poor choice one day. Just like if you make a choice to eat nothing but chocolate all day, at the end of the day you will have a
terrible tummy ache....sometimes kids and adults make choices that later on hurt them or the people that they love. Daddy is not the only person who has made a poor choice. Most people do make some poor choices.
Now Daddy can't be here to see you but it does not mean he would not love to see you. It means..simply..that if "anyone" makes a "big" poor choice they have to be responsible for what happens to them.

SO....let's figure out Tink what "you can do" to make this better for YOU and for Daddy. What do you think? Do you think if you draw a pretty picture it will make Daddy smile? What about a letter? Or a school paper that shows how smart you are?

In other words, try to find a way to express the life lesson. Acknowledge
her pain BUT suggest steps that can be taken to make the situation better.

Yes, I remember the pain of rejected little children. I did my best. I know you are doing your best, too. You are a wonderful Mom. My suggestion
"may" make it easier for your little girl. I hope so. Hugs. DDD

 

[klmno]

I think DDD offered some wonderful advice! (I might like some input from her on how to help my son see some things about his father's decisions.)

I don't know a woman alive who hasn't been captivated by a twinkle in the wrong person's eyes at one point or another.

Oh, I've done this at one point and another...

Don't beat yourself up- I'm just thankful that Tink has you!

 

[gcvmom]

At least Tink has you as her rock, BBK. That will do wonders for her resiliency, and she will grow up to be stronger and wiser person because of you.

I HATE Chuck E. Cheese's too. With a passion. husband, however, loves to go there with the kids. It's the ADHD in him. He gets his sensory fix in a big way there!

(((HUGS))) and Happy Belated Birthday to Tink! She's so lucky to have you for her mommy!

 

[ML]

I think Tink has enough of her mom in her that she is going to be ok. I really like everyone's suggestions. You didn't cause this, can't change it, etc. One of those "give it over" things.

Thinking of you. Love, ML

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

You guys, this is killing me. Tink was an absolute mess this morning. Then tonight she had a winter program at the school. One of her songs was about having a wish list, but instead of asking for presents, wishing to see loved ones for the holidays.

And I lost it, right there in the gym.

Suz, I met Matt 12 years ago. Before we got serious, I knew that he had already done time for burglary once, and that he had 6 kids with 3 moms. That's what I meant about knowing how to pick them. But I saw good in him, blah blah blah...

DDD, thank you for the advice. I do like what you had to day about turning this into a lesson for her.

Thank you all for your kind words and support.