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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 756830" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Wise,</p><p></p><p>When my youngest son was at home with us (before the divorce and family split up) I've mentioned before he smoked pot like it was his full time job. I kid you not when I say he smoked it, in the house, in the basement, in the garage, on the porch, on the side porch...he smoke it anywhere and everywhere without any concern that our whole house stunk or that it bothered us so much. I was to the point where all my cloths and coats were permeated with the smell of it. It was about every 1/2 hour throughout the day. I truly think it damaged his brain cells. He was defiant and didn't care how much it bothered us. He just did what he wanted. </p><p></p><p>I felt so out of control and miserable. I've mentioned, before that at the time there was a lot of other "things" happening in my home and it was insanity. But I felt I couldn't stop it. What could I do except involve the police...again?</p><p></p><p>It hurts me, as I've also mentioned time and again, that he's homeless and living in his car but I tell you I will never, ever have him back home again. He still does what he wants, when he wants and if he wants. I have at least through all my therapy and Al anon been able to get healthy enough to know that's a boundary for me that has to stay in place.</p><p></p><p>I'm tired of trying to get my sons to respect me and listen to me. I do drive to where he parks to check on him and pick up his chargers for his phone but if I'm in conversation with him and I can see he's not listening to a thing I'm saying, I just simply stop talking and nicely say...see you later and drive off. I can mutter and sputter to myself as I drive off but by the time I've arrived to my home where I have peace and no one is threatening control over my domain, I am so grateful for this firm unwaivering boundary I have kept.</p><p></p><p>I don't think you're going to change your daughter, For you, in my humble opinion, I think the best thing is to encourage this "move-out". Let her then be as dependent as she wants and should be and deal with the consequences of her choices, good or bad.</p><p></p><p>I think that's the only way you're going to get control back over your home.</p><p></p><p> Don't beat yourself up about woulda, coulda, shoulda...you are smart and "wise" and thoughtful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 756830, member: 23405"] Wise, When my youngest son was at home with us (before the divorce and family split up) I've mentioned before he smoked pot like it was his full time job. I kid you not when I say he smoked it, in the house, in the basement, in the garage, on the porch, on the side porch...he smoke it anywhere and everywhere without any concern that our whole house stunk or that it bothered us so much. I was to the point where all my cloths and coats were permeated with the smell of it. It was about every 1/2 hour throughout the day. I truly think it damaged his brain cells. He was defiant and didn't care how much it bothered us. He just did what he wanted. I felt so out of control and miserable. I've mentioned, before that at the time there was a lot of other "things" happening in my home and it was insanity. But I felt I couldn't stop it. What could I do except involve the police...again? It hurts me, as I've also mentioned time and again, that he's homeless and living in his car but I tell you I will never, ever have him back home again. He still does what he wants, when he wants and if he wants. I have at least through all my therapy and Al anon been able to get healthy enough to know that's a boundary for me that has to stay in place. I'm tired of trying to get my sons to respect me and listen to me. I do drive to where he parks to check on him and pick up his chargers for his phone but if I'm in conversation with him and I can see he's not listening to a thing I'm saying, I just simply stop talking and nicely say...see you later and drive off. I can mutter and sputter to myself as I drive off but by the time I've arrived to my home where I have peace and no one is threatening control over my domain, I am so grateful for this firm unwaivering boundary I have kept. I don't think you're going to change your daughter, For you, in my humble opinion, I think the best thing is to encourage this "move-out". Let her then be as dependent as she wants and should be and deal with the consequences of her choices, good or bad. I think that's the only way you're going to get control back over your home. Don't beat yourself up about woulda, coulda, shoulda...you are smart and "wise" and thoughtful. [/QUOTE]
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