What reward do they get?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    The restraining order was lifted Monday so it was no surprise when the phone rang last night and it was Dave from gfgd home.

    It seems she needs my parents phone number and address and oh by the way she really needs her blades to get around with her friends.

    Huh? I told Dave my parents are uninvolved with my family and have been for a long time. In fact the last time I saw them was early 2001 and there has been only very limited phone contact at all. And only when I call them on holidays.

    He went on to say that she says they are her only family and she desperately needs them right now :slap:

    I said no I am not giving you the info...he kept pushing...so I finally told him my father molested me when I was 11 and 12 and that my mother, when I told her about it, beat me and said I encouraged it.

    Jess knows to some degree why I don't like my parents...they were never supportive of my choice in husbands, nor the fact that I have children. She knows they were abusive....they've told her they used to beat us and mom once smiled when she told Jess the story about breaking my nose!!!

    I don't understand why she wants to push this button...I was calm on the phone but lost it after hanging up. I just bawled for hours, trying to figure it out and I can't.

    As for the blades....well, she is too cowardly to call me directly to ask for them than she can't have them.

    Sorry for the long post but I honestly don't understand what she is expecting to get from this??

  2. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    What is it with that difficult child house? They seem to encourage them half the time. Good for you for not putting up with nonsense.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I wouldn't have given out the info either.

    Good for you for standing firm. As to the why?? Maybe she is trying to get your goat by doing this sort of thing. I would do what I could to ignore it.

  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    That house she is in amazes me. I would not accept phone calls from them anymore and let them do what they want.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I agree with Karen, Carolanne. Just because the restraining order is lifted doesn't mean you have to do anything. Don't answer the phone when that number shows up. No good ever comes out of it. :grrr:

  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    UG!!!! Who knows why our difficult child's do half the things they do. Detach, detatch detatch. (hugs) -RM
  7. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Ditto what Suz said :nonono:

    Just let it go to voicemail.
  8. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> carolanne, would they not renew the RO or did you choose not too?

    sadly i suspect that your difficult child is not trying to push your buttons but rather is on the verge of getting tossed from group home & looking for a new place to park.

    i agree with-the others. just don't pick up the phone. truthfully i wouldn't even listen if the left a message, but that would be tough to do. i sure wouldn't return any message left tho.

    </span> </span> </span>
  9. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Whoever the caller from the Group Home was, he had no business harrassing you until you broke down and provided information regarding traumatic events in your own past.

    I think that what this man did was disgusting. I am sorry you were put in that position.

    Each of us has vulnerabilities, times we were victimized, things we have survived ~ and each of us has the right to keep that information private.

    The only time we need discuss any past issue is with our OWN therapist, and only at our OWN discretion.

    It was both dangerous and unkind for this man to have pushed you into the emotional corner he did.

    I am glad you did not give the phone number. I am sorry you were harrassed and felt threatened enough that you had to defend your own decision by relating the terribly hurtful traumas from your own past to this victimizing stranger.

    It would have been enough, and you would have been totally correct, to have responded with something simple, like "I will not discuss this with you."

    Then, say nothing.

    Let the silence spin out until you hear what they are going to say next.

    You have the right to remain silent ~ even if it IS "Dave" calling.

    Are you seeing a therapist, or is there someone you could talk to about the traumatic memories this phone call has surely raised?

    You did just fine, Carolanne.

    Next time, you will know not to respond to "Dave" or to anyone from that facility until you have had time to think about how you want to frame your response.

    I am so sorry this has happened to you.

  10. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    After I hung up, I realized this man had pushed me into feeling like I owed an explanation for my decision not to give him the nuumber....he didn't need to know why, no should have been enough, especially after hearing there has been no contact since 2001 for pete's sake!!!!!

    I have a wonderful friend I can talk with about the rotten memories this has dragged up...you never forget but I did learn to live with it all and keep it pushed to the side most days...not back to square one but he did manage to push me a step or two...

    As for phone calls from the home....the RO will be back in effect come Tuesday and I have a new house rule...no one is to pick up when that number shows and the messages will be deleted immediately...no contact means no contact...

    She can't just call becuase she wants something and too bloody bad if she is on her last leg at that home. They convinced her they were better at parenting than me, they can deal with the fallout...so there!!!!! lmao

    ps and I didn't send a bloody thing for easter either, not even a card....ha!
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Good for you. I'm glad to hear you are detatching and the RO will be back in place. There is no reason for that home to treat you like that. They are supposed to be supportive and caring people who run these places, and they don't sound like any of that there.

    I hope you and the rest of your family enjoy a wonderful, carefree, stressfree Easter!!
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Good job, Carolanne. :thumbsup: