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what should I do with H & closure
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 184696" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Steely, I don't know how you get to the point of closure. I think it takes a long time and I think in unresolved death's like your sister's it may not happen for even longer. </p><p>There are a few issues entwined here. 1)The stuff and why you can't have something. 2) you don't care for your parents, their attitude towards you and how they have decided to handle the estate 3) feeling left out and ignored. Feeling like your parents got preferential treatment by the law and you were left out of the mix. 4) thinking you know what your sister would want or if she would even care. </p><p></p><p>There is no way for you to take possession of the house or sister's things. Let it go. Ask for something to remember sister with and then let it go. It's stuff. Stuff comes and stuff goes. I'm not sure how long your sister's partner has been with her but if it was a bit of time, I can understand your parents wanting to give her a choice to buy out the house. It's actually quite kind. </p><p></p><p>There is more than one person suffering from the loss of your sister. You know everyone grieves differently but they suffer anyhow. Your parents, your son, sister's partner, you and probably all of her friends and co workers. It's not really a matter of who is feeling the hurt worse or how they express it. I would think just acknowledging that everyone hurts would help me understand others behavior. </p><p></p><p>I don't think you will feel any better in regards to your sister if you took possession of things, fought to get things or had a meltdown with parents over things. I think you will just feel rage, grief and shock. Hope your therapist can help you find away to express your rage that is more positive than you have found thus far. </p><p></p><p>There doesn't seem to be a magic bullet for closure. You will have to find something to soothe your soul. It's different for each of us. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 184696, member: 3"] Steely, I don't know how you get to the point of closure. I think it takes a long time and I think in unresolved death's like your sister's it may not happen for even longer. There are a few issues entwined here. 1)The stuff and why you can't have something. 2) you don't care for your parents, their attitude towards you and how they have decided to handle the estate 3) feeling left out and ignored. Feeling like your parents got preferential treatment by the law and you were left out of the mix. 4) thinking you know what your sister would want or if she would even care. There is no way for you to take possession of the house or sister's things. Let it go. Ask for something to remember sister with and then let it go. It's stuff. Stuff comes and stuff goes. I'm not sure how long your sister's partner has been with her but if it was a bit of time, I can understand your parents wanting to give her a choice to buy out the house. It's actually quite kind. There is more than one person suffering from the loss of your sister. You know everyone grieves differently but they suffer anyhow. Your parents, your son, sister's partner, you and probably all of her friends and co workers. It's not really a matter of who is feeling the hurt worse or how they express it. I would think just acknowledging that everyone hurts would help me understand others behavior. I don't think you will feel any better in regards to your sister if you took possession of things, fought to get things or had a meltdown with parents over things. I think you will just feel rage, grief and shock. Hope your therapist can help you find away to express your rage that is more positive than you have found thus far. There doesn't seem to be a magic bullet for closure. You will have to find something to soothe your soul. It's different for each of us. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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