T
TeDo
Guest
I don't remember if I posted about this some time ago or not but difficult child's Occupational Therapist (OT) (I'll call her One) left for another job a couple months ago. Her co-worker (I'll call her Two) went on maternity around the same time so there was no one for difficult child to see. One had just begun a very thorough assessment of sensory issues difficult child has. We only got to see her 3 times because of the tons of snow most every day all winter and the hour drive we had to make to get there. Anyway, so now Two is back from maternity leave so we made an appointment to get the evaluation resumed.
We got there RIGHT on time (I'm habitually early so this bothered me). Two took difficult child into the "gym" and said he had to brush 5 areas on his body before they could start. Now, One realized right away that brushing is one of difficult child's issues. He HATES the feeling. difficult child stormed out the door and wanted to leave. I sat there and explained to Two that difficult child HATES it so she finally went outside and told him he didn't have to do it. He agreed to come back in and they got to work. He was very cooperative with all of her requests for over 1/2 an hour.
As our time running out, she told him he had to do 3 kinds of exercises then they could play a game before we left. She said she gets to choose the first one, he gets to choose the second, and she gets to choose the last. He agreed. She told him to do sit-ups. He laid on the floor and she asked if he wanted her to hold his feet and he said no. As he was doing them, she asked if he could do them on "this ball" that she showed him. He said "I don't know" and continued his sit-ups. She said "you know you're going to have to do it if you want to play a game". He walked away from her and stood at the far end of the hall.
I went to talk to him and explained that she was doing some testing and needed to know if he could do it or not. He became very upset because "first she said I had to do sit-ups and then she changes it and says I have to do them on that stupid ball if I want to play a game. She didn't say that! She changed the rules! I'm not doing it! Let's go home!" and he stormed out again. This time, I tried to explain to her that I have to remember not to change my expectations midway, I have to go with what I said in the first place. She didn't address what I said but instead asked if difficult child is seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. I said yes but our next appointment isn't until August because of his vacations. She actually gave me the name and phone number of another agency to see if there was a psychiatrist we could get into sooner. It didn't matter to her that we are pleased with our psychiatrist and have no desire to change AND that his "meltdown" (she apparently has no idea what one looks like) was in response to her imposing a change midstream with a kid on the spectrum.
How much energy do I put into trying to "educate" her on working with difficult child? What more do I say to her? I know they work with many kids on the spectrum so this shouldn't have been such an issue. Obviously Two didn't read through One's notes so she set the tone of the appointment with the brushing thing. I am very proud of difficult child for going back and working with her.
And yes, I did talk to difficult child on the way home about taking a short "calm" break but then going back to tell her what he was upset about. This is one of his biggest issues. When he gets frustrated or feels unheard or misunderstood, he walks away. He won't try to speak for himself. That is one of the things I am working with him on since I am the only one even he says he feels comfortable enough to talk about this stuff with. I need for him to learn to advocate for himself and not rely on me ALL the time to do it for him but I also know the level of anxiety he feels when faced with these kinds of things. He's been unheard and misunderstood (because he can't put his thoughts into the "right" words) for so long that he gets extremely anxious just thinking about it.
Sorry this got to be so long. I just don't know what I should do to "teach" him AND her. Any ideas?
We got there RIGHT on time (I'm habitually early so this bothered me). Two took difficult child into the "gym" and said he had to brush 5 areas on his body before they could start. Now, One realized right away that brushing is one of difficult child's issues. He HATES the feeling. difficult child stormed out the door and wanted to leave. I sat there and explained to Two that difficult child HATES it so she finally went outside and told him he didn't have to do it. He agreed to come back in and they got to work. He was very cooperative with all of her requests for over 1/2 an hour.
As our time running out, she told him he had to do 3 kinds of exercises then they could play a game before we left. She said she gets to choose the first one, he gets to choose the second, and she gets to choose the last. He agreed. She told him to do sit-ups. He laid on the floor and she asked if he wanted her to hold his feet and he said no. As he was doing them, she asked if he could do them on "this ball" that she showed him. He said "I don't know" and continued his sit-ups. She said "you know you're going to have to do it if you want to play a game". He walked away from her and stood at the far end of the hall.
I went to talk to him and explained that she was doing some testing and needed to know if he could do it or not. He became very upset because "first she said I had to do sit-ups and then she changes it and says I have to do them on that stupid ball if I want to play a game. She didn't say that! She changed the rules! I'm not doing it! Let's go home!" and he stormed out again. This time, I tried to explain to her that I have to remember not to change my expectations midway, I have to go with what I said in the first place. She didn't address what I said but instead asked if difficult child is seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. I said yes but our next appointment isn't until August because of his vacations. She actually gave me the name and phone number of another agency to see if there was a psychiatrist we could get into sooner. It didn't matter to her that we are pleased with our psychiatrist and have no desire to change AND that his "meltdown" (she apparently has no idea what one looks like) was in response to her imposing a change midstream with a kid on the spectrum.
How much energy do I put into trying to "educate" her on working with difficult child? What more do I say to her? I know they work with many kids on the spectrum so this shouldn't have been such an issue. Obviously Two didn't read through One's notes so she set the tone of the appointment with the brushing thing. I am very proud of difficult child for going back and working with her.
And yes, I did talk to difficult child on the way home about taking a short "calm" break but then going back to tell her what he was upset about. This is one of his biggest issues. When he gets frustrated or feels unheard or misunderstood, he walks away. He won't try to speak for himself. That is one of the things I am working with him on since I am the only one even he says he feels comfortable enough to talk about this stuff with. I need for him to learn to advocate for himself and not rely on me ALL the time to do it for him but I also know the level of anxiety he feels when faced with these kinds of things. He's been unheard and misunderstood (because he can't put his thoughts into the "right" words) for so long that he gets extremely anxious just thinking about it.
Sorry this got to be so long. I just don't know what I should do to "teach" him AND her. Any ideas?
I stand corrected.
