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What should she be doing? Is it AS? Advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 287091" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think you're on to something with your observation that daughter is fine and the others are not - stimulation (or lack of it) can make a HUGE difference.</p><p></p><p>My sister adopted a couple of kids as well as had three of her own. I was in my teens when she had her family, I remember both the adopted kids arriving. They were deferred adoptions, fosgtered first for a couple of years because they had problems. The boy was expected to be developmentally delayed, he was 10 months old and barely able to sit up; he needed to be propped up. He just sat and didn't respond. But with stimulation, he quickly made amazing progress; he was crawling within a week. He finally walked at 11 months, a couple of weeks earlier than my sister's natural child.</p><p></p><p>We made the switch to actively playing with him instead of just letting hi sit. Apparently his grandmother had custody of him and was just too busy to spend time with him.</p><p></p><p>The girl was 7 months when we got her. She refused to be held, wouldn't drink warm milk while being held, the only way she could be fed was with a cold bottle of formula in her cot. If you tried to cuddle her she would push you away. All the photos we have of her at the time, she was thin, pale and sitting away from the person holding her with stiff spine. She looked gorgeous because it gave her wonderful posture, but she never cuddled. However, her own children - no such problems. And she herself is a wonderful loving mother.</p><p></p><p>A classmate of easy child 2/difficult child 2's had a profoundly autistic younger brother. WHen the girls were 13, this boy was 8. He was non-verbal and totally wild, like Helen Keller (before Annie Sullivan) in the various movies. The mother had simply given up, even with her daughter (who increasingly obviously had BIG problems). The boy was allowed to do whatever he wanted and whenever she could, she put him in respite. I had the girl over a weekend or two to give the mum a break and quickly realised she was using me. easy child 2/difficult child 2 rapidly found the girl too difficult, but the mother kept asking if the girl could come and stay. I had to start saying no, the girls were not getting on well any more and also the mother was asking at times when it just wasn't convenient. I later found that she had put the boy in respite for that weekend and wanted her daughter gone too so she could go away with her boyfriend of the moment. </p><p>The woman dropped in on us a few times and would let her son wander round our house unsupervised and uncontrolled. Because difficult child 3 was so easily upset about his things being touched, I had to follow this boy around the house to supervise him, while the mother sat there and chatted to husband (who had a sprained ankle and was stuck in the armchair). In an effort to keep the boy from wandering, I got out an alphabet toy of difficult child 3's (I LOVE Leapfrog!) and whaddayaknow? This non-verbal boy knew his alphabet and could read simple words. His mother had NO idea he could do this, when I pointed it out to her she seemed to not care. I got a sort of "Yeah, can he? Well, perhaps, I hadn't noticed," then she went back to whatever she had been talking about.</p><p></p><p>She later lost custody of him and didn't seem to even mind that - she had a new baby to play with, her daughter got pregnant at 14. But she did tell me that in foster care, her son was learning to talk and to do things for himself, something she had never thought he would do. Well, of course he won't, if you don't ever teach him anything!</p><p></p><p>Some people make me so mad I could spit.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 287091, member: 1991"] I think you're on to something with your observation that daughter is fine and the others are not - stimulation (or lack of it) can make a HUGE difference. My sister adopted a couple of kids as well as had three of her own. I was in my teens when she had her family, I remember both the adopted kids arriving. They were deferred adoptions, fosgtered first for a couple of years because they had problems. The boy was expected to be developmentally delayed, he was 10 months old and barely able to sit up; he needed to be propped up. He just sat and didn't respond. But with stimulation, he quickly made amazing progress; he was crawling within a week. He finally walked at 11 months, a couple of weeks earlier than my sister's natural child. We made the switch to actively playing with him instead of just letting hi sit. Apparently his grandmother had custody of him and was just too busy to spend time with him. The girl was 7 months when we got her. She refused to be held, wouldn't drink warm milk while being held, the only way she could be fed was with a cold bottle of formula in her cot. If you tried to cuddle her she would push you away. All the photos we have of her at the time, she was thin, pale and sitting away from the person holding her with stiff spine. She looked gorgeous because it gave her wonderful posture, but she never cuddled. However, her own children - no such problems. And she herself is a wonderful loving mother. A classmate of easy child 2/difficult child 2's had a profoundly autistic younger brother. WHen the girls were 13, this boy was 8. He was non-verbal and totally wild, like Helen Keller (before Annie Sullivan) in the various movies. The mother had simply given up, even with her daughter (who increasingly obviously had BIG problems). The boy was allowed to do whatever he wanted and whenever she could, she put him in respite. I had the girl over a weekend or two to give the mum a break and quickly realised she was using me. easy child 2/difficult child 2 rapidly found the girl too difficult, but the mother kept asking if the girl could come and stay. I had to start saying no, the girls were not getting on well any more and also the mother was asking at times when it just wasn't convenient. I later found that she had put the boy in respite for that weekend and wanted her daughter gone too so she could go away with her boyfriend of the moment. The woman dropped in on us a few times and would let her son wander round our house unsupervised and uncontrolled. Because difficult child 3 was so easily upset about his things being touched, I had to follow this boy around the house to supervise him, while the mother sat there and chatted to husband (who had a sprained ankle and was stuck in the armchair). In an effort to keep the boy from wandering, I got out an alphabet toy of difficult child 3's (I LOVE Leapfrog!) and whaddayaknow? This non-verbal boy knew his alphabet and could read simple words. His mother had NO idea he could do this, when I pointed it out to her she seemed to not care. I got a sort of "Yeah, can he? Well, perhaps, I hadn't noticed," then she went back to whatever she had been talking about. She later lost custody of him and didn't seem to even mind that - she had a new baby to play with, her daughter got pregnant at 14. But she did tell me that in foster care, her son was learning to talk and to do things for himself, something she had never thought he would do. Well, of course he won't, if you don't ever teach him anything! Some people make me so mad I could spit. Marg [/QUOTE]
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