Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. I had gotten that book a long time ago, just came upon it yesterday when clearing space here. I do not remember the gist of it at all, but.....I do know men and women often do think quite differently.
It can be possible for people to behave in ways where others think they may be not takeing medications, even if the person IS takeing their medications. medications can sometimes stop working or can cause problems instead of help. People can also seem to be drinking or whatever even if they are not. And your own judgement and observations might be a little off, too, due to your own illness and medications.
The economy is downright scary out there. Maybe husband is haveing some fears, nervousness, anxiety related to money or job security? Maybe human mortality is striking and stoking undesired behaviors? Becuz of how the prednisone tapering and methotrexate is affecting youu, maybe husband is haveing a hard time coping and adusting to that? With the holidays coming up, maybe he is haveing internal difficulties brouht back to his surface re: loseing the idea of a perfect family." And maybe he is haveing a hard time talking to you about it becuz he feels it is a sign of weakness in him, or maybe he feels you are haveing a hard enough time on your own? If his behaviors have changed since what happened at school with kt, it is possible he is feeling like he should have been able to somehow keep her safe? Or he may be haveing a very hard time realizing that even tho kt should have been safe at school, it is a hard world, and maybe he is haveing to now face that reality.
Plan B could be just a way for him to say he cannot yet really verbalisze further?
When my husband began to be very mentally ill, very obviously so, it was so hard for me to accept.....then when he began to be physically unable to function, whew- that was hard, too. Then I became mentally unstable, due to bipolar, and then later when I was so very sick and a quadrilegic, it gave me time to lay here and observe differently. It is one thing to be the ill partner, it is another to have your spouse be so ill. Before I got ill myself, there would be many times I very much resented my husband mental and o physical illnesses, I felt so overwhelmed trying to financially support us myself, haveing to take care of all the neds of all 3 kids, home, hearth and finances alone and also all our social needs - all without the benefit of a physical partner to pitch in with chores, or be there emotionally or anything. Sure my head understood the magnitude of my DHs illnesses, but, that still did not help take away the feelings of being overwhelmed I had. THen when I got so ill, the whole family went akilter.
My husband has been ill a long long time, now. You would thinnk by now, I would be settled in. I'm not. I still have days or weeks when I still resent his illnesses, and how they affect our life. I still have periods of time where I think whew, this is not fair. I still have times where I do not know what to tell husband or how to tell him so he understands......times when I wonder what should I try to tell him? I do not mean we have "secrets" becuz we don't. Never have....
I maybe am not explaining things very well here.....um, when easy child was so sick at the beginiinning of this pregnancy.....husband of course knew she was preg and she was sick. He knew it was serious, but did he know HOW seriuos? One of the things his psychs decided was a trigger for his PTSD was simply becoming a father----by haveing children, he suddenly became vulnerable again like he had not been since combat. Now one of his children was in danger, and so was is grandchild to be. It was hard for me to know if should try and break thru my husband mental state to make sure he understood. He had the right to be made aware. And many would say it was his responsibility to be aware. But here we know he had neither the physical nor mental ability for that info to do little more than destabilize him and cause US even MORE difficulties here. So, on top of coping and dealing with easy child and the docs Easy Child.and my own emotions and difficult children emotions and our sons needs of the moment- I was agonizing over------1. the situation. 2. haveing to cope alone and my resentment tat my partner was unable to BE a "full partner" to me thru it, and my anger about it all. I do not think I said anything about Plan B, but.....I know my behavior was........"off" - and that was on top of my behavior related to the crisis at hand.
Your family has a lot going on. Your husband may be feeling overwhelmed. It does not necessarily mean he is drinking and or not taking his medications. And being male, he may be thinking, especially in light of your illness, that he has to work thru things by himself.
I WISh You luck, it is not easy.
