What to do about the school issue?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by STRESSEDTOMAX, Jan 17, 2013.



    Does anyone have any suggestions about getting difficult child back to school? He started again this afternoon about not wanting to go tomorrow. I'm praying for a snow day but it doesn't look like we're getting one. It's getting very close to bedtime and I KNOW this could easily bring on a meltdown, either tonight, tomorrow, or both. I just can't see this ending well if we try and force it.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What happens if he doesn't go? Q.generally wants to go no matter what, even if sick, but .....those few times he has had behaviors that make it so he misses the bus or school everything for him stops. No electronics during school hours and no leaving the house for the entire day. He hates that and avoids that ever happening but if that was me as the difficult child I would have just slept. The TV thing would get to me after a day though .....
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I have been having this problem for 2 years now. I finally just said enough. It is not allowed anymore. If she is refusing, I have had to physically put her into the car. I also have the guidance dept. on my phone, and the first hint of her refusing to go in, I dial them up and tell them to come out to get her. We are working in therapy about what her triggers are, and hopefully that will help.
    What happens if you force the issue? Does he rage, or just shut down? I understand wanting to avoid the fight. I hope things go well tomorrow.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Considering Storm is almost my size I simply tell her, "You can get on the bus or I'll call the police and you can arrive in a squad car to school. Your choice." So far there have been some close almost-missed-the-bus mornings, but she has yet to actually miss the bus.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I was also going to suggest the police, but I wasn't sure if you would be willing to follow through with that. It is definitely hard to make the call the first time. But it is something that you cannot use as a bluff. difficult child is almost my size and very strong considering she trains a 1500 lb horse daily. But, I do not play anymore when it comes to school. I made that mistake last year, and it isn't happening again.


    Thanks for all the responses. Buddy...taking everything away from him would be disastrous and would likely end with meltdown and aggression and police. For some odd reason, from the age of about 2 he has gone nuts when he's bored or has nothing to do. He cannot tolerate that feeling. He OBSESSIVELY calls friends and wants to go somewhere. But I agree that your way would be what SHOULD happen.

    SM - He would RAGE. We have had this school situation in varying degrees since kindergarden. He has actually spent very little time in a classroom. Many, many times we have had extreme arrangements made for certain people to meet him and bring him in. But the problem never ends when he gets into the building.

    HZ - I was not aware that the police could transport him to school. Here is my problem with all of this - and I say it over and over and over again - and probably will until I can understand it - IF these kids cannot control their behavior WHY would we be punishing them with the police? My son is in mainstream now - but I'm not at all sure he belongs there - and I think it may all be overwhelming for him. However, today he was up very early, in the shower - which led to a big meltdown yesterday - and went to school with NO problems. WHY? Because he was looking forward to handing out VALENTINES Day cards. We tried to tell him that he should wait to hand them out and that he might be teased but he refused to listen. I don't know what to say. I am SO confused.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Remind us... is he on the spectrum, by any chance?


    Yes...I just realized that's not in my sig...thanx for alerting me to that. They have him as either Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or Aspergers.
  9. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member

    From my limited experience the use of the police is in extreme cases. I don't see using them as "punishment" as much as using them as defense. With my girlfriend's son, he does not respond to her threats when he is in a meltdown. But when someone who has authority (not me, he has made it very clear he knows I cant do anything) like his father, his grandmother, or the police are notified he responds much, much differently. Those are people he fears and he does not want them involved. So, he has the ability to control his behavior to a degree, he just chooses not to use that control with certain people (mostly his mother). For us, the police are the last resort, when he has gotten violent or is making physical threats, and when they are called he immediately calms down, and is rational again by the time they arrive.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I hear you about the rage over losing everything. Its usually that way here too. I did actually have to do it once when he was young and he has remembered and I think thats why. If you ever decide to do anything like that I'd be very planful then, having husband home and knowing, today is the day.......have psychiatrist on standby in case you need 911. (Yup I've done that too and then er....fully knowing he's coming home but he can calm there and for a different problem I did it....wow did.that s#ck.........
    I did allow computer by the way for the school issue buthe only could go on educational sites ....I blocked the rest. He sat there most of the day. Asked me to take him to school too (I forgot abt. that lol) and I said no. At this size, I'd have a hard time starting this rule, I'd be stuck like you.

    One friend tried in home services, taking herself out of the morning loop.....a year later they pulled out of school, too much for her difficult child Autistic daughter.

    But its an idea.....
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    My daughter asked me the other day why I would call the police to take her to school and why they would do it. Truthfully I'm not sure they would deliver her there, but my response to her was "The law says you must go to school, it's their job to enforce the law." She took me at face value. Since she knows at this point I will call the police if she gets out of hand, she didn't push the issue.
  12. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    What does the school have to say about him missing so much? Are they offering any kind of help?


    CB - They are beginning the IEP process. They gave him a 504 on Tuesday. They say that if I bring a note from psychiatrist they can get absences excused and try and get home services for him.
  14. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    If school is that stressful, then your child is simply not been supported in the school environment in a way that's right for her (unfortunately this simple fact is infinitely complex when trying to procure those supports). If she isn't supported at school, then she needs to be supported at home until the right supports are available at school.