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What to do when my daughter hits me
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 517866" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Lanelly, you are totally welcome for the replies. I sometimes think I write way too much, so sorry if I overwhelm you with the quantity. Please feel free to ignore whatever isn't helpful to your situation. </p><p></p><p>You say that your daughter's intentions are not to hurt you but to feel powerful. I know it is confusing, but this is the goal of ALL abuse, including sexual assault. It is ALL about power and control, period. the method used is whatever will get that feeling. It is a HARD thing for a victim/survivor to understand, but it is the root of it ALL. This is exactly WHY you need to get this stopped NOW, and to help her find other ways to feel in control and powerful. It also may be why the strict, consistent traditional parenting style was a disaster with her.</p><p></p><p>I think lots of kids with a great need for control are that way because they feel out of control inside. Sensory and auditory issues can really make you feel that way. I still have times when I feel i am being bombarded with sensory input and I just can't cope. I get very snappish and combative and f I can't get OUT then I can get really nasty because I want someone to throw me out. I never acted out thsi way in school partly because I was afraid of what my aprents would do (they were NOT abusive but were strict) and because it didn't occur to me that it would make things better. Instead I got migraines and other stress related problems. I don't go into malls for long and thankfully my kids hate them, because the sounds and esp the horrible potpourri and perfumes that every store seems to use are more than I can cope with. My kids used to BEG to go in just to go to the candy store until I found th store that delivers to those candy stores, the ones wth all the junky candy that the kids go nuts over. I used to give them a certain amt of $ to spend there if they would just NOT make me go to the mall. I don't know how, but I have the only 16yo girl I know who works to get me to NOT go to a mall for any reason. She hates the sounds/smells/overload there too, plus she can't figure out why anyone would pay that much for the thigns they sell (my girl!!).</p><p></p><p>I do think your daughter may feel out of control and be hitting to exert control, make you do something, give her attention. It is a major reason to have the sensory and auditory/speech things tested thoroughly. If you can't help her learn to use other ways to feel that power and control, you may be faced with a very dangerous person in a few years. This is why I urge you to find out what is going on and the best ways to help her. </p><p></p><p>As for the good days, they don't mean the bad ones didn't happen. They are respite, a time for you to recharge so that you can continue to cope on the bad days. My mom once told me that the good days are there to keep us from doing what angelfish do and eating our young. seriously, she told me this when I was about 15. My bro is a total difficult child and I asked her why he was so great sometimes and so awful the rest of the time. She reminded me of this when I had my own kids. Probably a twisted way to look at things, but it gave me perspective.</p><p></p><p>I am proud of you for doing the parent report. Be SURE to put her photo in there. I actually put my son's photo at the beginning of every section of the report. It helps the reader remember this is a PERSON they are reading about, and helps them remember WHICH person too. Around here a lot of docs and hospitals are adding photos to charts for this same reason.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 517866, member: 1233"] Lanelly, you are totally welcome for the replies. I sometimes think I write way too much, so sorry if I overwhelm you with the quantity. Please feel free to ignore whatever isn't helpful to your situation. You say that your daughter's intentions are not to hurt you but to feel powerful. I know it is confusing, but this is the goal of ALL abuse, including sexual assault. It is ALL about power and control, period. the method used is whatever will get that feeling. It is a HARD thing for a victim/survivor to understand, but it is the root of it ALL. This is exactly WHY you need to get this stopped NOW, and to help her find other ways to feel in control and powerful. It also may be why the strict, consistent traditional parenting style was a disaster with her. I think lots of kids with a great need for control are that way because they feel out of control inside. Sensory and auditory issues can really make you feel that way. I still have times when I feel i am being bombarded with sensory input and I just can't cope. I get very snappish and combative and f I can't get OUT then I can get really nasty because I want someone to throw me out. I never acted out thsi way in school partly because I was afraid of what my aprents would do (they were NOT abusive but were strict) and because it didn't occur to me that it would make things better. Instead I got migraines and other stress related problems. I don't go into malls for long and thankfully my kids hate them, because the sounds and esp the horrible potpourri and perfumes that every store seems to use are more than I can cope with. My kids used to BEG to go in just to go to the candy store until I found th store that delivers to those candy stores, the ones wth all the junky candy that the kids go nuts over. I used to give them a certain amt of $ to spend there if they would just NOT make me go to the mall. I don't know how, but I have the only 16yo girl I know who works to get me to NOT go to a mall for any reason. She hates the sounds/smells/overload there too, plus she can't figure out why anyone would pay that much for the thigns they sell (my girl!!). I do think your daughter may feel out of control and be hitting to exert control, make you do something, give her attention. It is a major reason to have the sensory and auditory/speech things tested thoroughly. If you can't help her learn to use other ways to feel that power and control, you may be faced with a very dangerous person in a few years. This is why I urge you to find out what is going on and the best ways to help her. As for the good days, they don't mean the bad ones didn't happen. They are respite, a time for you to recharge so that you can continue to cope on the bad days. My mom once told me that the good days are there to keep us from doing what angelfish do and eating our young. seriously, she told me this when I was about 15. My bro is a total difficult child and I asked her why he was so great sometimes and so awful the rest of the time. She reminded me of this when I had my own kids. Probably a twisted way to look at things, but it gave me perspective. I am proud of you for doing the parent report. Be SURE to put her photo in there. I actually put my son's photo at the beginning of every section of the report. It helps the reader remember this is a PERSON they are reading about, and helps them remember WHICH person too. Around here a lot of docs and hospitals are adding photos to charts for this same reason. [/QUOTE]
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