What to do???

[neednewtechnique]

easy child has been in the hospital with pneumonia, and the miracles never cease. Another mother from down the hall who had her son in here works for our local CPS. We talked "unofficially" about the new trouble that difficult child 1 has found herself in, with skipping school and taking drugs. She gave me the "FYI" on the juvenile justice people, as far as the probation officers, the staff at the detention center, and the judge....I am getting rather excited to get to meet the judge... Apparently our county has our very own "DO NOT BS ME" Judge Judy...only ours works in juvenile court and her name isn't Judy.

Yesterday, as I left my 5 year old at the hospital with my husband long enough to run home and check on the other girls and get some things we needed at the hospital, I went upstairs to check difficult child 1's stuff before she goes to her moms (she has a habit of transporting illegal things back and forth from home to moms and moms to home) and her bag gets checked when she leaves and when she comes back. As I was looking through her bedroom, I came across some letters she had written her sister, where she talks about how I almost found her stash... So that, of course, prompts me to go looking. I was not able to find the "DRUG" stash, but I managed to locate the box where she keeps all the equipment. I have confiscated that and she is not being allowed back in her room until I locate the rest.
Have ANY of you ever been so at the end of the line that you are WAITING for them to do something illegal so you can call the police???
I feel AWFUL for being in that place, but I just...keep looking, waiting for something that I can turn in. And its not because I want her gone, or anything, but I just think that its time that someone who can enforce more serious consequences than we can gets involved. I mean, it does not matter what we say or do, it doesn't change anything...short of strip-searching her every time she goes up or comes down from her room, leaves the house, etc...I can't keep the stuff out! Other than LOCKING HER UP to MAKE her face things, I don't know what else is going to get her attention...
I have considered making her give me the password to her myspace, because I know there is a LOT in there that would give me some information, but I only have one shot with that, because as soon as I make her log in to it once...that will be the last time she puts anything on there that I could use, so I want to make sure that when I ruin that source, its WORTH IT....
And, oh...I am having some small ANGER issues because I have an asthmatic 5 year old with pneumonia in the hospital fighting to breathe...and I can't help but thinking that the 15 year old smoking WHO KNOWS WHAT in the next room might be partly to blame.....and thats very hard for me to be that angry at difficult child 1....

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

Yes, obviously it's an extreme move, but if you've exhausted other tools in your toolbox, this is another tool that might have a chance--but only if it's not been tried before. In my opinion, if the first arrest doesn't scare them into different behavior, the second or third won't do it either. If they're not "scare-able"--as mine was not--you've got a much bigger problem than the drugs. Not that you can ever ignore it though. I think you still have to call every time, but I think any real change will be a long-term process if the first arrest doesn't snap them into awareness.

Asking for the password? Check out spectorsoft.com. It will hand it to you, no matter how often it is changed.

 

[Robinboots]

Yes, I have. J twisted my arms, ran off, threatened us, skipped some classes, ran off, got violent, made false accusations, went on a hunger strike, etc., etc.

When he hit me on the arm, that was enough. Three weeks in detention. I was so relieved, I thought we'd get help, finally.

Sort of. After awhile.

He came home, started up again after ONE day, and made another false accusation. This time he went into foster care, still on probation, but there were NO consequences for any dayum thing.

Finally his DJO filed a violation, we had an expedited hearing, and the judge put the fear of God into him. AND ordered him to take the new medications and comply with treatment.

Took two years, plus. Good luck!

 

[Alttlgabby]

easy child has been in the hospital with pneumonia, and the miracles never cease. Another mother from down the hall who had her son in here works for our local CPS. We talked "unofficially" about the new trouble that difficult child 1 has found herself in, with skipping school and taking drugs. She gave me the "FYI" on the juvenile justice people, as far as the probation officers, the staff at the detention center, and the judge....I am getting rather excited to get to meet the judge... Apparently our county has our very own "DO NOT BS ME" Judge Judy...only ours works in juvenile court and her name isn't Judy.

Yesterday, as I left my 5 year old at the hospital with my husband long enough to run home and check on the other girls and get some things we needed at the hospital, I went upstairs to check difficult child 1's stuff before she goes to her moms (she has a habit of transporting illegal things back and forth from home to moms and moms to home) and her bag gets checked when she leaves and when she comes back. As I was looking through her bedroom, I came across some letters she had written her sister, where she talks about how I almost found her stash... So that, of course, prompts me to go looking. I was not able to find the "DRUG" stash, but I managed to locate the box where she keeps all the equipment. I have confiscated that and she is not being allowed back in her room until I locate the rest.
Have ANY of you ever been so at the end of the line that you are WAITING for them to do something illegal so you can call the police???
I feel AWFUL for being in that place, but I just...keep looking, waiting for something that I can turn in. And its not because I want her gone, or anything, but I just think that its time that someone who can enforce more serious consequences than we can gets involved. I mean, it does not matter what we say or do, it doesn't change anything...short of strip-searching her every time she goes up or comes down from her room, leaves the house, etc...I can't keep the stuff out! Other than LOCKING HER UP to MAKE her face things, I don't know what else is going to get her attention...
I have considered making her give me the password to her myspace, because I know there is a LOT in there that would give me some information, but I only have one shot with that, because as soon as I make her log in to it once...that will be the last time she puts anything on there that I could use, so I want to make sure that when I ruin that source, its WORTH IT....
And, oh...I am having some small ANGER issues because I have an asthmatic 5 year old with pneumonia in the hospital fighting to breathe...and I can't help but thinking that the 15 year old smoking WHO KNOWS WHAT in the next room might be partly to blame.....and thats very hard for me to be that angry at difficult child 1....

As far as MySpace.. you don't have to ask her for anything. Put a Keylogger on your computer and you can see all her keystrokes! Go to KGB Keylogger and download it on the computer that she is using. I am very sorry you are having to go through this. I know it is hard when you can't trust them to do what they are supposed to do. When it is a major issue, it is even harder.

 

[mstang67chic]

Have ANY of you ever been so at the end of the line that you are WAITING for them to do something illegal so you can call the police???

Yep...been there done that. However, in your case, she already has. Even without finding the drug stash, you found the paraphenillia (probably butchered that) and that is illegal too. Just something to consider.

 

[neednewtechnique]

That is true, we did find that stuff. But according to our local juvenile department, that stuff, without the "possession" of actual drugs is like the drug equivalent of a seat belt ticket. However, it has gotten me wondering if that is enough that they would at least do a drug test and when she tests + then they would have something more to go on I guess. And some how or another, she has yet to figure out that you have to CLEAN those things after you use them, so the amount of left over (my husband called it residue) would be enough to get her on something. And really, she doesn't KNOW that it would equal out to not much of anything by the time its all over, so maybe it would at least be enough to make her wake up a little and realize that she is headed down a bad road.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well...a seatbelt ticket is what got my son started on the long and arduous road of losing his license for the next umpteen years...so small things can end up into big things.

Here...a pipe or even papers without the accompanying REAL tobacco for use, can get you in real trouble. Though it is still a misdemeanor.

 

[neednewtechnique]

Well, husband and I are ready to turn this stuff in to the police, but I guess what I need now is some advice on how to do that. I already removed the items from her room (I probably should not have, but I didn't want her to have access to them. Should I take her, and her box of supplies to the police station? Or call the police to my house? I have little ones at home that I would rather not have see this stuff so I was hoping I could just drive her and her stuff to the station. And also would it be better for me to take her to the doctor and get an order for a drug test to be done FIRST, or should I just let them take care of all that after they see her stash?