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What to say and what NOT to say about death
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 246570" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nine years ago when we lost our 18 year old - it was just like living in a fog. To recall anything that ANYONE said to me or what I may have said to someone else seems a million years away now. I vaguely remember the funeral home, and we'll be going back to the same little, out of the way, country funeral home by the rail road tracks again. </p><p> </p><p>Saturday we are going to bury our Steven. I've been in contact with Steven's Mom and she felt she would be able to let go better if Steven were buried. Then she added in a whisper - "Grandma is paying for the funeral." I said - "How about flowers?" and she started to cry. </p><p> </p><p>She said she had not planned for loosing a child, and the last payment for insurance was late. Of course they are going to contest a claim. We offered to do the casket spray - but I gotta tell you I hung up from the florist and for nearly $200 - I got what was pictured is a small, pathetic bunch of flowers. I couldn't afford this - but I couldn't afford what I saw and would have gotten. It just made me angry I'm poor. Like his Mom talking about putting her son away cheap - in a Steel brushed casket. She said it made her cry, that his final resting place was the low end casket. I know what she meant, and I also know that we both know it's just sematics because he's in heaven but WOW - the things you don't think about. Even just the plot and hole are nearly $5000.00 - We joked about digging it ourselves because we need to release the tension. Then that turned to crying - then I found out that a normal obituary 6" is around $200.00 and we couldn't even do that - so there was just a notice in Mondays paper. </p><p> </p><p>But my boss nabs the prize for biggest insensitive boob - </p><p> </p><p>Upon finding out that my son died....he said (and I quote) </p><p> </p><p>Bummer. </p><p> </p><p>I think that word will be used for EVERY single little downfall between the two of us for the rest of the time I manage to work here. </p><p> </p><p>I'll get over him in time - but right now I just want to find the right thing to say to his Mom. She calls me and asks how I'm doing and of course I'm supposed to be HER rock - and I'm more like sillyputty and I feel bad that I'm falling apart while she's being brave. </p><p> </p><p>I was hoping that if anyone has dealt with similar loss - could you please tell me something that someone said to you that was memorable, appreciated or kind? I just hurt and when I see her face to face again, and see his sisters, and look at Dude - I want to be able to take a pill that keeps me from crying - and say ...................</p><p> </p><p>Something caring......with meaning....and not fall apart. </p><p> </p><p>Suggestions welcome.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 246570, member: 4964"] Nine years ago when we lost our 18 year old - it was just like living in a fog. To recall anything that ANYONE said to me or what I may have said to someone else seems a million years away now. I vaguely remember the funeral home, and we'll be going back to the same little, out of the way, country funeral home by the rail road tracks again. Saturday we are going to bury our Steven. I've been in contact with Steven's Mom and she felt she would be able to let go better if Steven were buried. Then she added in a whisper - "Grandma is paying for the funeral." I said - "How about flowers?" and she started to cry. She said she had not planned for loosing a child, and the last payment for insurance was late. Of course they are going to contest a claim. We offered to do the casket spray - but I gotta tell you I hung up from the florist and for nearly $200 - I got what was pictured is a small, pathetic bunch of flowers. I couldn't afford this - but I couldn't afford what I saw and would have gotten. It just made me angry I'm poor. Like his Mom talking about putting her son away cheap - in a Steel brushed casket. She said it made her cry, that his final resting place was the low end casket. I know what she meant, and I also know that we both know it's just sematics because he's in heaven but WOW - the things you don't think about. Even just the plot and hole are nearly $5000.00 - We joked about digging it ourselves because we need to release the tension. Then that turned to crying - then I found out that a normal obituary 6" is around $200.00 and we couldn't even do that - so there was just a notice in Mondays paper. But my boss nabs the prize for biggest insensitive boob - Upon finding out that my son died....he said (and I quote) Bummer. I think that word will be used for EVERY single little downfall between the two of us for the rest of the time I manage to work here. I'll get over him in time - but right now I just want to find the right thing to say to his Mom. She calls me and asks how I'm doing and of course I'm supposed to be HER rock - and I'm more like sillyputty and I feel bad that I'm falling apart while she's being brave. I was hoping that if anyone has dealt with similar loss - could you please tell me something that someone said to you that was memorable, appreciated or kind? I just hurt and when I see her face to face again, and see his sisters, and look at Dude - I want to be able to take a pill that keeps me from crying - and say ................... Something caring......with meaning....and not fall apart. Suggestions welcome..... [/QUOTE]
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