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<blockquote data-quote="Dancerat" data-source="post: 627136" data-attributes="member: 14984"><p>SOC, I really needed to read what you wrote today. My 21 year old son was given until July 1 to move out. He broke the rules and snuck Psycho girlfriend into our house overnight and was caught. My husband moved his move out date until June 1. Maybe he wasn't expecting that. But this was last week, which gave him two weeks to find a place to move in.</p><p></p><p>Here's the thing. We explained that we will subsidize his rent for the first couple of months. So, yes, he has to move out, but he won't have to pony up the money himself. I gave him a few leads, one of which was perfect, two young guys looking for a third roommate, it looked awesome. Bachelor pad, fully furnished. He sat at the kitchen table this evening and cried because he can't move in because there is drinking ( the ad said, no heavy partying, which I guess means light partying, therefore SOME drinking) and his Psycho won't let him live in a place where there is drinking. Although she drinks. So he's prepared to go live in a tent to satisfy her requirements on HIS living situation. How abusive is that? It's not enough that she hits him and emotionally beats him every day, now he has to live like a dog in a kennel. He just got a good job as a security guard, looks so cute in his uniform, and yet, I wonder how long he'll keep it before she makes life so hard he'll quit or get fired. I just found out this afternoon that he pawned his favorite Nixon watch so that he could get a hotel room for ONE NIGHT with her. </p><p></p><p>So, as he cried, I thought, I've said no, but then turned around and said yes in the past. I'm not going to do that anymore. No means no. I am not doing him any favors by constantly not calling him on his BS. But it's so hard. But I can't get through to him with kindness and caring and empathy and love. He told me I don't love him because I'm kicking him out. </p><p></p><p>He's almost 22!!! </p><p></p><p>I am kicking him out BECAUSE I love him and I want him to be independent. He's choosing to not find some cool roommates his own age because he wants to,live with this Psycho chick, I told him I would help subsidize his rent with roommates, but not to live with a woman. If he wants to live a girl, as a couple, then mommy isn't funding "Lets Play House" so that can happen. He can pay his own rent. And he said he couldn't see the difference. Wow. Well, okay. </p><p></p><p>SOC, what do you tell yourself when you see your kids making choices that are bad for them? I can only tell myself that THEY are making these choices, that I have a door open that they can go through if they CHOOSE, but that for whatever reason, they want things to be this way, and I cannot change them. It's like become my mantra. </p><p></p><p>They are choosing this way of life. They are miserable, but they aren't doing anything to change, and they are adults, so therefore, nothing we can do or say is going to change their minds. </p><p></p><p>So, I'm listening to you. I'm trying something different. I drew a line in the sand, he crossed it, and the consequences fell. I can only hope he learns from this. I'm not sure what else I can do, but I don't want to be replaying this scene at 22, and 23, and 24...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dancerat, post: 627136, member: 14984"] SOC, I really needed to read what you wrote today. My 21 year old son was given until July 1 to move out. He broke the rules and snuck Psycho girlfriend into our house overnight and was caught. My husband moved his move out date until June 1. Maybe he wasn't expecting that. But this was last week, which gave him two weeks to find a place to move in. Here's the thing. We explained that we will subsidize his rent for the first couple of months. So, yes, he has to move out, but he won't have to pony up the money himself. I gave him a few leads, one of which was perfect, two young guys looking for a third roommate, it looked awesome. Bachelor pad, fully furnished. He sat at the kitchen table this evening and cried because he can't move in because there is drinking ( the ad said, no heavy partying, which I guess means light partying, therefore SOME drinking) and his Psycho won't let him live in a place where there is drinking. Although she drinks. So he's prepared to go live in a tent to satisfy her requirements on HIS living situation. How abusive is that? It's not enough that she hits him and emotionally beats him every day, now he has to live like a dog in a kennel. He just got a good job as a security guard, looks so cute in his uniform, and yet, I wonder how long he'll keep it before she makes life so hard he'll quit or get fired. I just found out this afternoon that he pawned his favorite Nixon watch so that he could get a hotel room for ONE NIGHT with her. So, as he cried, I thought, I've said no, but then turned around and said yes in the past. I'm not going to do that anymore. No means no. I am not doing him any favors by constantly not calling him on his BS. But it's so hard. But I can't get through to him with kindness and caring and empathy and love. He told me I don't love him because I'm kicking him out. He's almost 22!!! I am kicking him out BECAUSE I love him and I want him to be independent. He's choosing to not find some cool roommates his own age because he wants to,live with this Psycho chick, I told him I would help subsidize his rent with roommates, but not to live with a woman. If he wants to live a girl, as a couple, then mommy isn't funding "Lets Play House" so that can happen. He can pay his own rent. And he said he couldn't see the difference. Wow. Well, okay. SOC, what do you tell yourself when you see your kids making choices that are bad for them? I can only tell myself that THEY are making these choices, that I have a door open that they can go through if they CHOOSE, but that for whatever reason, they want things to be this way, and I cannot change them. It's like become my mantra. They are choosing this way of life. They are miserable, but they aren't doing anything to change, and they are adults, so therefore, nothing we can do or say is going to change their minds. So, I'm listening to you. I'm trying something different. I drew a line in the sand, he crossed it, and the consequences fell. I can only hope he learns from this. I'm not sure what else I can do, but I don't want to be replaying this scene at 22, and 23, and 24... [/QUOTE]
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