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What works for you? Help with lying/manipulative teen needed.
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<blockquote data-quote="TargetPractice" data-source="post: 699253" data-attributes="member: 20771"><p>Thanks to all for the support and ideas. I will try the "time-in", as I have not tried that yet, even though the idea makes me very nervous because of the way he lashes out, maybe have his stepdad do it since boy lashes out at me mainly, the others less often. We usually do go for the time out because of his temper, it became sort of a go-to since he cannot be around people without antagonizing them. He does not earn an allowance, his counselor agreed that since he does not have an age-appropriate level of responsibility in the household (his only non self-care chore is taking out the kitchen trash; we cut his other chore of dusting the living room once a week because he claimed the "expectations were too high" when he had another chore) that an allowance is neither earned or appropriate for him. We do remove privileges/ground him, but with caution, and only if its worth a fight because he will go to his bio dad and tell a wild story exaggerating the discipline and denying any wrongdoing. His father swallows it hook line and sinker, and in turn will freak out on me, threatening to go to court and cursing at me. He refuses to believe that my son could ever misbehave or lie, and definitely doesn't accept his conduct disorder diagnosis so I must be a monster. So any discipline I try is directly and deliberately undermined, and my son has learned that he can hurt me by unleashing his father as well. He smiles while his father yells at me. All the kids tell me their father said he hates me, among other things. Otherwise, he will make up stories about his home life at school, because he has learned that that gets cps called. He's already done it once this year, and did it 5 or 6 times last year. Never any findings, of course, but still a stressful situation to say the least, and it drags his siblings into it (he also lies to them about me)! Sometimes I almost hope they'll take him so it'll be over. He has stopped being physically violent for now, because of threats to involve the police, but his behavior has shown itself to be cyclical, so its only a matter of time. Next time, I will live up to my promise and report him. And I will be asking his counselor about next step options, because I'm no longer willing to allow this in my home, or to allow it to continue harming my health. Its time for boy to decide whether he wants to improve his relationships and be part of this family or not.</p><p></p><p>I hear you when you say it's hard to choose to love them; difficult to admit but also fair when you're being emotionally/physically abused. I won't offer advice, it's a learning curve for all of us. Just know that you are not alone and you do not deserve to be treated this way.</p></blockquote><p></p><p>Thanks, Thea, this made me tear up *hug*</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="TargetPractice, post: 699253, member: 20771"] Thanks to all for the support and ideas. I will try the "time-in", as I have not tried that yet, even though the idea makes me very nervous because of the way he lashes out, maybe have his stepdad do it since boy lashes out at me mainly, the others less often. We usually do go for the time out because of his temper, it became sort of a go-to since he cannot be around people without antagonizing them. He does not earn an allowance, his counselor agreed that since he does not have an age-appropriate level of responsibility in the household (his only non self-care chore is taking out the kitchen trash; we cut his other chore of dusting the living room once a week because he claimed the "expectations were too high" when he had another chore) that an allowance is neither earned or appropriate for him. We do remove privileges/ground him, but with caution, and only if its worth a fight because he will go to his bio dad and tell a wild story exaggerating the discipline and denying any wrongdoing. His father swallows it hook line and sinker, and in turn will freak out on me, threatening to go to court and cursing at me. He refuses to believe that my son could ever misbehave or lie, and definitely doesn't accept his conduct disorder diagnosis so I must be a monster. So any discipline I try is directly and deliberately undermined, and my son has learned that he can hurt me by unleashing his father as well. He smiles while his father yells at me. All the kids tell me their father said he hates me, among other things. Otherwise, he will make up stories about his home life at school, because he has learned that that gets cps called. He's already done it once this year, and did it 5 or 6 times last year. Never any findings, of course, but still a stressful situation to say the least, and it drags his siblings into it (he also lies to them about me)! Sometimes I almost hope they'll take him so it'll be over. He has stopped being physically violent for now, because of threats to involve the police, but his behavior has shown itself to be cyclical, so its only a matter of time. Next time, I will live up to my promise and report him. And I will be asking his counselor about next step options, because I'm no longer willing to allow this in my home, or to allow it to continue harming my health. Its time for boy to decide whether he wants to improve his relationships and be part of this family or not. I hear you when you say it's hard to choose to love them; difficult to admit but also fair when you're being emotionally/physically abused. I won't offer advice, it's a learning curve for all of us. Just know that you are not alone and you do not deserve to be treated this way.[/QUOTE] Thanks, Thea, this made me tear up *hug* [/QUOTE]
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