Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
What works for you? Help with lying/manipulative teen needed.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="TargetPractice" data-source="post: 699279" data-attributes="member: 20771"><p>We do something a little more general with the screen time. In our house, its not even an option until all chores and homework are done, and we don't really have a time limit. Other than boy, they usually keep it reasonable on their own. It can be lost for the day for backtalk/defiance/bullying etc. as well. The screen is probably his number one, but he also hates bedtime, so if he's already lost the screen I make bedtime earlier by 10 minute intervals (I do these things with all the kids, my gut says it would just be more confusing if he had a different set of rules. He already has expressed feelings that his sibs are favored because he gets disciplined more often than they do (they do not have any serious behavioral issues--typical kid stuff here and there, so they require less correction). Those are his biggies, but he fails to see his behavior as a problem, so any and all consequences are unjust in his eyes.</p><p></p><p>Our time outs are not so much a disciplinary consequence as a cool-down period. Once he gets angry, there is no chance of reasoning with him until he calms down. Once that has happened we talk and he can either correct himself or have a consequence. </p><p></p><p>I also try to find tempting "carrots" to dangle in front of him. Before school started this year he asked if he could start bringing an mp3 player to school for the bus. Since he was starting hs, I agreed, on the condition that the privilege would be gone the first time I heard from the school about any problems with him. He understood and agreed. I hoped it would motivate him to do right at school at least. Unfortunately, he has already lost his mp3 player. Money doesn't matter to him, the prospect of a guys night with his stepdad, who he actively likes and somewhat listens to, didn't do it. He wants to play baseball this spring. I agreed on the condition that he spends the year until then showing me he can handle the responsibilities he already has and maintain good grades. Even that and he's already slipping in 3 core classes. Not due to difficulty, just not doing assignments, many that were supposed to be done during class. He insists he's trying. He seems to really believe he is trying. </p><p></p><p>I have, many times, wanted to throw my hands in the air and send boy to his dad's, Praecepta. Problem is, that's what he thinks he wants. Dad has been grooming boy to think he wants that by letting him do whatever he wants, use language, watch inappropriate movies while subtly bashing me. It's not so much that boy turns his dad against me. His dad was already against me, has always actively worked against me and will believe any wild story boy tells him without question. Boy has figured this out and just uses his dad's hatred of me to his advantage. Its not a good environment, for many reasons, or I may well have already sent him. His dad admits he's "relaxed", but claims he would be different if he wasn't just a weekend dad. I managed not to laugh in his face, maturity points to me! So if I put that out there as a potential consequence, he will put all his energy into achieving just that. I'd like to avoid sending him there also in the hope that he can still change his behavior. With his dad, that will not happen. I'm as concerned about the man boy will become as I am about the boy he is now. That's my last resort option for him. </p><p></p><p>For now, I'll keep watching for "currency" and digging carrots. There's got to be SOMETHING that matters to him</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TargetPractice, post: 699279, member: 20771"] We do something a little more general with the screen time. In our house, its not even an option until all chores and homework are done, and we don't really have a time limit. Other than boy, they usually keep it reasonable on their own. It can be lost for the day for backtalk/defiance/bullying etc. as well. The screen is probably his number one, but he also hates bedtime, so if he's already lost the screen I make bedtime earlier by 10 minute intervals (I do these things with all the kids, my gut says it would just be more confusing if he had a different set of rules. He already has expressed feelings that his sibs are favored because he gets disciplined more often than they do (they do not have any serious behavioral issues--typical kid stuff here and there, so they require less correction). Those are his biggies, but he fails to see his behavior as a problem, so any and all consequences are unjust in his eyes. Our time outs are not so much a disciplinary consequence as a cool-down period. Once he gets angry, there is no chance of reasoning with him until he calms down. Once that has happened we talk and he can either correct himself or have a consequence. I also try to find tempting "carrots" to dangle in front of him. Before school started this year he asked if he could start bringing an mp3 player to school for the bus. Since he was starting hs, I agreed, on the condition that the privilege would be gone the first time I heard from the school about any problems with him. He understood and agreed. I hoped it would motivate him to do right at school at least. Unfortunately, he has already lost his mp3 player. Money doesn't matter to him, the prospect of a guys night with his stepdad, who he actively likes and somewhat listens to, didn't do it. He wants to play baseball this spring. I agreed on the condition that he spends the year until then showing me he can handle the responsibilities he already has and maintain good grades. Even that and he's already slipping in 3 core classes. Not due to difficulty, just not doing assignments, many that were supposed to be done during class. He insists he's trying. He seems to really believe he is trying. I have, many times, wanted to throw my hands in the air and send boy to his dad's, Praecepta. Problem is, that's what he thinks he wants. Dad has been grooming boy to think he wants that by letting him do whatever he wants, use language, watch inappropriate movies while subtly bashing me. It's not so much that boy turns his dad against me. His dad was already against me, has always actively worked against me and will believe any wild story boy tells him without question. Boy has figured this out and just uses his dad's hatred of me to his advantage. Its not a good environment, for many reasons, or I may well have already sent him. His dad admits he's "relaxed", but claims he would be different if he wasn't just a weekend dad. I managed not to laugh in his face, maturity points to me! So if I put that out there as a potential consequence, he will put all his energy into achieving just that. I'd like to avoid sending him there also in the hope that he can still change his behavior. With his dad, that will not happen. I'm as concerned about the man boy will become as I am about the boy he is now. That's my last resort option for him. For now, I'll keep watching for "currency" and digging carrots. There's got to be SOMETHING that matters to him [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
What works for you? Help with lying/manipulative teen needed.
Top