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What works for you? Help with lying/manipulative teen needed.
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<blockquote data-quote="TargetPractice" data-source="post: 700454" data-attributes="member: 20771"><p>Otto, thanks for sharing your story and your ideas. While his IQ is in the upper half of the average range overall, his logic/reasoning categorical score is barely in average range. He is capable of learning facts, but struggles to put facts together to form a conclusion, idea or solution. My son doesn't seem to understand that the things he does are wrong, or why they're wrong, and shows no remorse or desire to improve himself. Whether that's because of poor reasoning skills or because he sees his bio dad acting the exact same way and is validated by that I may never know. </p><p></p><p>Consequences don't really matter to him, he usually sulks, sometimes retaliates with more bad behavior. We have tried rewards, with pretty much the same results. He will know and claim to want the reward, do well initially, but ultimately fail to earn the full reward (we acknowledge any sign of effort, even if the end result is failure). Then he is resentful and hostile because he feels he should get the reward whether he earned it or not. Above, I told about how he wanted to play baseball in the spring, and how I was going to allow it if he made responsible choices until then. He did well the first few days of school, then fell into his usual habits. I reminded him that baseball would be off the table if it continued. A few weeks later, he announces he doesn't want the play baseball anyway, because freshmen mostly sit on the bench while older more experienced players get most of the playing time. So he is failing one class and close to failing two more. He's unwilling or incapable of putting in the effort to achieve or earn what he wants. The moment something gets difficult or uninteresting, he stops trying, and his expectations regarding rewards are unrealistic, so if he does earn a reward or experience a positive result, he feels it wasn't worth his effort.</p><p></p><p>I'd love to be more detached, the stress is definitely affecting my health. Any advice on how to get to that place? I'll think I've done it, only to be set spinning the next time he acts out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TargetPractice, post: 700454, member: 20771"] Otto, thanks for sharing your story and your ideas. While his IQ is in the upper half of the average range overall, his logic/reasoning categorical score is barely in average range. He is capable of learning facts, but struggles to put facts together to form a conclusion, idea or solution. My son doesn't seem to understand that the things he does are wrong, or why they're wrong, and shows no remorse or desire to improve himself. Whether that's because of poor reasoning skills or because he sees his bio dad acting the exact same way and is validated by that I may never know. Consequences don't really matter to him, he usually sulks, sometimes retaliates with more bad behavior. We have tried rewards, with pretty much the same results. He will know and claim to want the reward, do well initially, but ultimately fail to earn the full reward (we acknowledge any sign of effort, even if the end result is failure). Then he is resentful and hostile because he feels he should get the reward whether he earned it or not. Above, I told about how he wanted to play baseball in the spring, and how I was going to allow it if he made responsible choices until then. He did well the first few days of school, then fell into his usual habits. I reminded him that baseball would be off the table if it continued. A few weeks later, he announces he doesn't want the play baseball anyway, because freshmen mostly sit on the bench while older more experienced players get most of the playing time. So he is failing one class and close to failing two more. He's unwilling or incapable of putting in the effort to achieve or earn what he wants. The moment something gets difficult or uninteresting, he stops trying, and his expectations regarding rewards are unrealistic, so if he does earn a reward or experience a positive result, he feels it wasn't worth his effort. I'd love to be more detached, the stress is definitely affecting my health. Any advice on how to get to that place? I'll think I've done it, only to be set spinning the next time he acts out. [/QUOTE]
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What works for you? Help with lying/manipulative teen needed.
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