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What works for your oppositional & defiant child?
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<blockquote data-quote="navineja" data-source="post: 164868" data-attributes="member: 4278"><p>I am with Kjs- taking everything away and having N earn it back is working well for us, for now at least. She lost all her personal stuff from her bed and her wall on her side of the room last week. (This after months of weekly tantrums and daily defiance and disrespect- I had had enough!) I told her that her days would be divided into 3 segments. If she chose kind respectful behavior for that part of the day, she would earn back one item. A full day of treating people with respect and no defiance would earn a bonus item. (I figured this way she had quick success, leading to feelings of accomplishment and also that it wouldn't take her 6 months to get her stuff out of my room!) I have been soooo pleased with the effort that she has been making. I see her visibly trying to control herself, which is not something that I have seen in the past, even with reminders. She will still react unpleasantly, but with a reminder will actually change her tone and rein in her attitude. She did have a setback last night and had a tantrum. I removed the things that she had earned, but told her that if I saw a true effort today, I would assume that she was just having an off day and she could have them all back. I am so proud to say , she did awesome!!!!! Even with 6 of her cousins being here all day (which is usually just too much stimulation and she goes off the deep end) she had only one little spell of disrespect and got it under control quickly. </p><p>For J, when we have problems with her, it works best to send her to her room. "If you chose not to be ________(whatever anti-social behavior is going on) then you need to be by yourself. When you choose to act in a nice way, then you will be able to be with the rest of us." This usually quickly impacts her, as the social butterfly and little diva. (Doesn't work for N with her low self-esteem issues-she just feels rejected).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="navineja, post: 164868, member: 4278"] I am with Kjs- taking everything away and having N earn it back is working well for us, for now at least. She lost all her personal stuff from her bed and her wall on her side of the room last week. (This after months of weekly tantrums and daily defiance and disrespect- I had had enough!) I told her that her days would be divided into 3 segments. If she chose kind respectful behavior for that part of the day, she would earn back one item. A full day of treating people with respect and no defiance would earn a bonus item. (I figured this way she had quick success, leading to feelings of accomplishment and also that it wouldn't take her 6 months to get her stuff out of my room!) I have been soooo pleased with the effort that she has been making. I see her visibly trying to control herself, which is not something that I have seen in the past, even with reminders. She will still react unpleasantly, but with a reminder will actually change her tone and rein in her attitude. She did have a setback last night and had a tantrum. I removed the things that she had earned, but told her that if I saw a true effort today, I would assume that she was just having an off day and she could have them all back. I am so proud to say , she did awesome!!!!! Even with 6 of her cousins being here all day (which is usually just too much stimulation and she goes off the deep end) she had only one little spell of disrespect and got it under control quickly. For J, when we have problems with her, it works best to send her to her room. "If you chose not to be ________(whatever anti-social behavior is going on) then you need to be by yourself. When you choose to act in a nice way, then you will be able to be with the rest of us." This usually quickly impacts her, as the social butterfly and little diva. (Doesn't work for N with her low self-esteem issues-she just feels rejected). [/QUOTE]
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