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What would be your punishment for this? (easy child)
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 318155" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>MWM, </p><p></p><p>I really had to walk away from this and come back to it because part of me just reeled from her cutting words and the other part of me could hear Dudes own voice uttering ugly things at me this weekend in response to what I felt was a casual discussion about the x that he felt the need to defend and in the process insult me to limits beyond my comprehension. </p><p></p><p>I think....nothing. You can't punish a hurtful word. You can't take a hole back out of a fence one a nail has been pounded in it. Unfortunately - this may be one of those things that you will remember that hurt and stung, unlike a lot of other things that our kids say that we forget exactly what they said but remember how they made us feel. You probably can't make her feel any worse than she does, and if she does not feel badly about it? Punishing her isn't going to make her feel anything you'd like her to. </p><p></p><p>Telling her with your husband present that you didn't appreciate the comment and that not only you but HE will not tolerate things like that being said in your home again should (should) stop further incidents, but if you go on and on about how sad or hurt you are? That's exactly the weapon she'll choose the next time she wants to hurt you or get to you. Kids are not dumb. </p><p></p><p>If (big IF) it happens again? Just look at her and shrug or ignore her. Cry in private - but not around her. Dude's little comment was outrageous to the point that if I could have gotten away with pushing him out of my vehicle? I would have pulled to the curb and given one swift kick. At that point however I just told him he was the most hateful and small minded person I had ever met - and his comments were as ugly as his mouth - then I told him his statement was not true, and if that's what he thought he could pack his stuff and get out...and rather I'd prefer it. </p><p></p><p>He tried to apologize - and I just put my hand up and said - DON'T....and then about a day later after I ignored him and told EVERYONE what he said to me....(and everyone's look was just shock and awe) he came to me in private and humbly apologized. I accepted but didn't look at him. Still haven't. Day 3. He called - I was busy. He asked me for something? I ignored him. And so it goes. And so it will go until I feel enough time has passed.......could be weeks. Who knows.....? </p><p></p><p>I wouldn't also - say "And there will be no punishment for your ugly remark." that's almost as bad. Just ignore her. Hard as heck I know....but it's like telling someone in an office where the one woman you think doesn't like you that your least favorite dessert is chocolate cake - and then every Friday she brings in chocolate cake - Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 318155, member: 4964"] MWM, I really had to walk away from this and come back to it because part of me just reeled from her cutting words and the other part of me could hear Dudes own voice uttering ugly things at me this weekend in response to what I felt was a casual discussion about the x that he felt the need to defend and in the process insult me to limits beyond my comprehension. I think....nothing. You can't punish a hurtful word. You can't take a hole back out of a fence one a nail has been pounded in it. Unfortunately - this may be one of those things that you will remember that hurt and stung, unlike a lot of other things that our kids say that we forget exactly what they said but remember how they made us feel. You probably can't make her feel any worse than she does, and if she does not feel badly about it? Punishing her isn't going to make her feel anything you'd like her to. Telling her with your husband present that you didn't appreciate the comment and that not only you but HE will not tolerate things like that being said in your home again should (should) stop further incidents, but if you go on and on about how sad or hurt you are? That's exactly the weapon she'll choose the next time she wants to hurt you or get to you. Kids are not dumb. If (big IF) it happens again? Just look at her and shrug or ignore her. Cry in private - but not around her. Dude's little comment was outrageous to the point that if I could have gotten away with pushing him out of my vehicle? I would have pulled to the curb and given one swift kick. At that point however I just told him he was the most hateful and small minded person I had ever met - and his comments were as ugly as his mouth - then I told him his statement was not true, and if that's what he thought he could pack his stuff and get out...and rather I'd prefer it. He tried to apologize - and I just put my hand up and said - DON'T....and then about a day later after I ignored him and told EVERYONE what he said to me....(and everyone's look was just shock and awe) he came to me in private and humbly apologized. I accepted but didn't look at him. Still haven't. Day 3. He called - I was busy. He asked me for something? I ignored him. And so it goes. And so it will go until I feel enough time has passed.......could be weeks. Who knows.....? I wouldn't also - say "And there will be no punishment for your ugly remark." that's almost as bad. Just ignore her. Hard as heck I know....but it's like telling someone in an office where the one woman you think doesn't like you that your least favorite dessert is chocolate cake - and then every Friday she brings in chocolate cake - Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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