What would you do differently? mini vent

[witzend]

thanks Witz - I understand your sarcasm. No harm done!

Susan, it's not sarcasm. Star and her husband got a case of the feel goods - because Dude had proven himself in some ways - and let their guard down too far too fast. They sat down and discussed it, and they are making a united front with a solid plan to not be taken advantage of again while also allowing Dude to have more appropriate with them. Star has figured it out, and is putting it into practice. She got good advice, and she went with it.

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{Big Fuzzy Hugs, Star.}}}

You let your guard down, you're human, not stupid. And now you and DF are back on track. There, situation resolved and you're ready for whatever comes your way next - good for you!

Whenever difficult child gets another job or seems to be doing okay, I relax a little. I am still guarded, but I actually force myself to relax a little. H is the one who is skeptical and negative enough for both of us. H has no hope in difficult child and views her as a total and forever loser just like her bio-dad. This hurts me. Perhaps as the optimist in our home, I tend to see things a little through those rose colored glasses and am always hoping for the best, believing in her ability to 'just grow up already' and get with the program.

Like you, I've practiced detaching, put into place some healthy boundaries, but it is in my nature to ease up and 'relax' a bit when difficult child is doing as she should...and that's when I get bitten in the behind. Not always, but sometimes.

I think it's normal for you to want to hope and expect that Dude will do the right thing, follow your house rules and respect your space. Now you know. Those boundaries are back in place and you're stronger for it. Hugs, Starmom.

 

[Star*]

Thanks all - I did get a lot of good advice here and I did take it to the discussion table and put it into a plan. I think that's the beauty of this board. I feel like I'm ON track, I waiver, get off track and then hear from other Moms their sublte suggestions, and absolute advice of what works.

I also hear that there are others out there like me that get off track but come here to have their caboose put back on track (woooo whooo) lol.

I had a talk with Dude last night - it was more of a "OMG i discovered even MORE things out of place." and started stewing over it. I was not a person to be near at all last night and then I remembered Trinity saying she is STILL finding things broken, taken, out of place. SO I knew I wasn't alone. Then I called him and confronted him about the things that were making me so mad it could have ruined my night - and then I thought 'WHY do I allow you to do this?" I won't. I'm not going to stew or fret....I'm angry NOW - I called....I told him what he did, I told him I KNEW he did it....and I told him :

From now on you will be INVITED.......if you call and want to come here to get away from where you are.....understand a few things IMMEDIATELY or stay where you are.
1.) There will be NO MORE use of my computer.
2.) ALL the doors will be locked when you get here.
3.) The shop is off limits until your Dad says OKay I trust you
4.) You & your car show up here untaged, unlicensed ? We call the police.
5.) YOU WILL start paying us back the money you owe us
6.) YOU WILL ask for soda, chips, snacks when you are our guest. I have NO problem feeding anyone - but we made stuffed peppers and mashed potatos for dinner -you said Not hungry - then we find a bag of oreos, a box of poptarts, a bag of doritos, 6 sodas gone - and 1/2 a dish of candy gone? FOOEY - no more. No more junk before a well planned dinner.
7.) YOU WILL NOT take gas from this house, our cans were empty - you wil go with your father to lift and fill all of them the next time you do come for a visit. It's hard for a disabled man to lift 40lb gas cans - and you just took the gas and left the cans laying all over. NOT happening any more. Stealing is stealing.

and the list goes on for minor things - But.....it's a start. And I will keep in mind those of you who posted with older kids that there is hope and remain hopeful. Thanks for sharing.

Many hugs.....
Thank you so much for the advice. We appreciate the jolt of reality. lol

Star & DF