what would you do if difficult child was easy child?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Jun 5, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I cherish the days when difficult child is easy child, but I know that it is only temperary and his gfgness will return at any given second. Seems like i have worked so hard, every day, year after year to become more informed, get good treatment, have resources available for him. it is on-going everyday. It is a way of life. I know my relationship with husband has suffered but that is also a way of life at this point. Just cannot imagine what it would be like without gfgness. I am not sure I could cope without gfgness. don't get me wrong. i would absolutely love difficult child to be easy child. What would I do with my life? Days have gotten better the last few weeks, which make be believe that the medication switch in Feb. and again in April really had him in a tizzy. difficult child was playing with neighbor kid. i was talking with neighbor, but overheard difficult child and needed to correct him. neighbor was amazed that I heard him since we were talking. i was asked if I always pay attention like that. I thought everyone did. Lol. I need to because his mood can flip in a second and I need to supervise when he is with others. This neighbor thought it was so strange that I supervise.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    It's kind of like when someone asks me what my hobbies are. I hate that question because I never have an answer. I work and I parent a teenager and a difficult child. It doesn't leave much time for anything else.

    I guess if difficult child suddenly became easy child, I would flounder for a bit wondering what to do with myself. But eventually, I would begin to recreate my identity - from the mother of a difficult child to just me.

    I did this when I got divorced a decade ago. I lost my identity as a wife and, in not living for someone else in that way, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't suddenly have an epiphany; it was little things over time. Like, I learned that I really like the fru-fru stuff - like lotions and scents from Bath and Body Works. I learned that I really love bubble baths by candlelight with celtic music playing. Little things. But they add up.
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Like Heather, I'd struggle - not be able to trust easy child in kt or wm.
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I think Heather said what I'm feeling. I would become ME again!!! I've lost touch with so much of myself over the past 16 years. My life revolves around difficult children issues. Over time, I've become somewhat socially isolated.

    I know at first this would probably be difficult. Just remembering that I don't have to hide my pocketbook with my credit cards, money and keys would probably take some time getting used to!!! Just being able to go to bed at night without worrying what difficult child 1 is up to would be so nice!!! I think, at first, I would just appreciate all the little things that parents of PCs can take for granted such as feeling safe and relaxed in your own home.

    Then, I would slowly begin to find myself again. I would slowly begin to enjoy all the little things that make me, me. WFEN
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I also can identify with what Heather said.

    I have a few things I can't wait to do but for now they are on the back burner.

    When my girls were young, before difficult child really started showing her strong difficult child-ness, I went back to school and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, even the homework! I had a perfect 4.0!! H was not very supportive and it seemed like he always worked later on the nights I needed him home on time. I had to hire a sitter for the gap between when I left and he arrived. As difficult child became more difficult child-y I had to cut my classes back and then eventually stopped going; I fell into a depression. H noticed and tried to encourage me to return, but I felt broken and resigned. School for me is still on the back burner for now (especially with easy child's college expenses!), but I am not resigned - I know it will always be there and I feel closer to it these days as difficult child is older and well, at some point, I will have to let her go.

    Things like knitting, kickboxing, and self pampering are the things I most look forward to. For now, my hobbies are gardening and cleaning, reading and, when I get the opportunity, writing. When difficult child is being easy child, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop because I know it's just a matter of time before difficult child comes back.

    Friday kicks off an *almost* difficult child-free week for me! difficult child is going to her dads Friday through Sunday. Monday is her last day of school and then her senior class leaves Tuesday through Thursday NIGHT on their senior trip. She will return Friday and then she graduates on Saturday (hopefully-still not sure, ugh).
  6. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    JoG-Kickboxing? Wow impressive. If I tried that I think I would throw something out and be stuck!!
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Haha - well, the idea is to get my abdomen muscles strong enough to handle it first! Seems my back has been going out a lot lately.
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Gosh, I can recall that life so long ago when I had hobbies and friends and time to spend on both....
    ahh...the memories.

    I'd be making more memories, that's what I'd be doing! Doing all those things again! I miss "me" so much!

    Like TL, when we had about 6 months of "remission" from difficult child 1, we spent the first 4 walking on egg shells. The remaining 2 were spent a little less tense, but still, every phone call made me jump. I don't know how long it would take for that to really go away.

    My ex-mother in law, who raised my ex (a major difficult child) still recalls brief periods in his life (like days, or even partial days) when life was "normal" with him - and cherishes them.
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My difficult child is still a difficult child, but hasn't lived home in almost 2 years. It takes a little getting used too, but now I can't imagine what it would be like living with a difficult child again. Even now sometimes I go to bed and realize I left my pocketbook in the living room and panic for a second, then I realize it doesn't matter because my easy child would never think to even go in it.

    Like I said, he's still a difficult child, but I don't live with it everyday anymore and I am a different person then I was 2 years ago.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know that I cherish each day of Nichole's stabilty. :smile:

    But for months I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    Probably will sound weird, but I was MORE on edge than when her moods were flipping and I had to deal with the rages and such. I was stuck in anticipation mode I think.

    It has eased off considerably recently. Even when Nichole and her b/f argue I don't position myself so that I can hear/see what is going on. God, that's so nice. (this used to be an extremely volitile situation)

    Still in the back of my mind I know there can come a time when Nichole slips over the edge and back into the chaos. And to not be realistic about that would be foolish. I've just learned over these months that I can't keep my life on hold dreading that possible moment.

    As far as Travis goes, he will never be a easy child so there is no point in dreaming of the "what ifs". But I can't say he's doing bad as a difficult child. He is who he is.