What would you do?

[llamafarm]

husband is scheduled to go on 200 mile bicycle ride over the next two days. He is depressed. Riding clears his head. difficult child is already losing it. Not because dad is leaving but just because. It is the weekend you know. I have him scheduled for respite tomorrow overnight until sun. 3pm. He heard that and lost it. Full tears meltdown. He had respite last night as well, but knowing husband would be gone I scheduled a second night. Not the best plan for him but the best for everyone else. I talked to difficult child and said I would talk with husband to decide on respite on sat. With that pressure off difficult child went back to the same old behaviors. No hitting me but banging on doors, yelling when things didn't go his way. So this eve. Sat him down and told him he will be going. Says he isn't. Dreading finding out how it will go tomorrow. Plus more complications with sitters if he doesn't go tomorrow...and work. Do I tell husband he needs to stay home? He said he is still planning on going (tomorrow at5am) unless I tell him to do otherwise. I think it is obvious. He should want to help. But he has really given up. It will be very hard to have husband being depressed around here too. And I'd difficult child goes willingly and husband stays home..that is not fun. I have a suspicion that another hospital stay is in difficult child's future because I don't know what else to do.

 

[keista]

Will husband be of much help is he stays home from race? If he goes to race will he come home and be more helpful?

I say if husband is in bad shape, let him go since this will be therapeutic for him. If he gets worse and worse, you'll have two family members in psychiatric hospital. Right?

 

[buddy]

Or will he go then come right back and still be detached? What if he stays and you go somewhere. Or do that each of you once per month?

 

[llamafarm]

This is an interesting development. difficult child just told me he wanted to talk. First he wanted to know if he should pack tonight or tomorrow a.m. for respite. (one concern lessened, it should be do-able tomorrow on my own). Second he wanted to talk about dad. He is worried that dad is so depressed. He gave me some examples (accurate ones) of husband's behavior and could not put into words his concern for his father. These kids can surprise you!

 

[Liahona]

Wow, I'm impressed. My kids wouldn't be able to tell if one of their parents was hurt unless we were bleeding. Glad difficult child is willing to go to respite.