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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 541154" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>BB I don't get in to General very often. (I'm trying to change that) So I can't comment on what others might have advised per consequences of behavior.</p><p></p><p>She can't control her frustrations (at least at this point), but she can control her actions. I never ever fault a kid for their emotions (even if I don't agree with them). They have a right to express how they feel, but they must learn the right way to do it. The right way being using their words, pounding a pillow, or whatever other way that is respectful, non violent, and non destructive. And yes, I totally agree that can be really hard to do. But it can and should be done. </p><p></p><p>I didn't really have the car rage issue, thank heaven. Well, ok, with MY kids I never had that issue. With katie's kids (my grandkids) I did........and I refused to move until they stopped. I told them once, normal voice raised just enough they could hear me. And we didn't move (for 10 or more mins) until it stopped. Rinse and repeat a dozen or more times......and they got the idea. And I'm old fashioned, put your hands on me and you <strong>will</strong> regret it. I don't tolerate it and I don't give a hoot what your diagnosis is. But my grandkids weren't going at it quite like your daughter was, for a rage like that, she'd have done the doctor visit and gone home. No VBS. I wouldn't have even threatened, I'd not said a word, just driven her home. (and yes, I've done this as well.) Once she finished the rage at home......because there would have been one........I'd have explained to her that if missing only an hour of VBS was enough to make her out of control then she is not ready to handle VBS yet, and she could try again the next day. Then if possible, talk about how she could have expressed her emotions in a more appropriate way which would show that she could handle going to VBS that day. It's ok for her to be upset because she was going to miss an hour of VBS, that's a normal response, her actions were what was inappropriate and out of proportion to the situation. </p><p></p><p>An immediate natural consequence for raging for missing an hour of the activity. </p><p></p><p>I tried to make consequences as immediate as possible, to relate to whatever they were raging about if possible. Like when she tore up the books, she would've had to not only clean up the mess, but earned the money by doing chores to replace the books. Natural consequences to her actions. This is not raging.....but Travis at about age 6 loved to pour contents out of bottles (thankfully into the toilet or drain), he drove me nuts because every time I reached for shampoo or dish soap it was empty. He was grounded to my side for an entire day. I mean seriously, he couldn't move a foot away from me for an entire day. Next day he got to try again. He did it again, and again he was grounded to my side for the day. Next he got another chance......and blew it. Another grounded day. And suddenly pouring the contents out of bottles was not appealing anymore. (he could play ect, he just couldn't leave my side to do it)</p><p></p><p>It's not something that is going to take hold overnight by any means. It will take time and effort, some thinking outside the box.....and it will be some time before she begins to realize that you're always going to follow through. (and it will take practice on your part too) </p><p></p><p>But not giving her consequences for inappropriate behavior is doing her no favors whatsoever. The world is a cold harsh place. Once she's grown and on her own no one is going to give a darn if she is diagnosed whatever or not, and the lessons then will be jail or worse.</p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 541154, member: 84"] BB I don't get in to General very often. (I'm trying to change that) So I can't comment on what others might have advised per consequences of behavior. She can't control her frustrations (at least at this point), but she can control her actions. I never ever fault a kid for their emotions (even if I don't agree with them). They have a right to express how they feel, but they must learn the right way to do it. The right way being using their words, pounding a pillow, or whatever other way that is respectful, non violent, and non destructive. And yes, I totally agree that can be really hard to do. But it can and should be done. I didn't really have the car rage issue, thank heaven. Well, ok, with MY kids I never had that issue. With katie's kids (my grandkids) I did........and I refused to move until they stopped. I told them once, normal voice raised just enough they could hear me. And we didn't move (for 10 or more mins) until it stopped. Rinse and repeat a dozen or more times......and they got the idea. And I'm old fashioned, put your hands on me and you [B]will[/B] regret it. I don't tolerate it and I don't give a hoot what your diagnosis is. But my grandkids weren't going at it quite like your daughter was, for a rage like that, she'd have done the doctor visit and gone home. No VBS. I wouldn't have even threatened, I'd not said a word, just driven her home. (and yes, I've done this as well.) Once she finished the rage at home......because there would have been one........I'd have explained to her that if missing only an hour of VBS was enough to make her out of control then she is not ready to handle VBS yet, and she could try again the next day. Then if possible, talk about how she could have expressed her emotions in a more appropriate way which would show that she could handle going to VBS that day. It's ok for her to be upset because she was going to miss an hour of VBS, that's a normal response, her actions were what was inappropriate and out of proportion to the situation. An immediate natural consequence for raging for missing an hour of the activity. I tried to make consequences as immediate as possible, to relate to whatever they were raging about if possible. Like when she tore up the books, she would've had to not only clean up the mess, but earned the money by doing chores to replace the books. Natural consequences to her actions. This is not raging.....but Travis at about age 6 loved to pour contents out of bottles (thankfully into the toilet or drain), he drove me nuts because every time I reached for shampoo or dish soap it was empty. He was grounded to my side for an entire day. I mean seriously, he couldn't move a foot away from me for an entire day. Next day he got to try again. He did it again, and again he was grounded to my side for the day. Next he got another chance......and blew it. Another grounded day. And suddenly pouring the contents out of bottles was not appealing anymore. (he could play ect, he just couldn't leave my side to do it) It's not something that is going to take hold overnight by any means. It will take time and effort, some thinking outside the box.....and it will be some time before she begins to realize that you're always going to follow through. (and it will take practice on your part too) But not giving her consequences for inappropriate behavior is doing her no favors whatsoever. The world is a cold harsh place. Once she's grown and on her own no one is going to give a darn if she is diagnosed whatever or not, and the lessons then will be jail or worse. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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