Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
What would you do?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 758264" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>I agree with the other comments here. They are spot on.</p><p></p><p>You must take the focus off your son and work on you. When I first started "detaching with love" I remember saying to my therapist, "but if I don't take care of my two (adult) sons, who will?" I felt the total burden of their lives was for me to run. How would they eat, where would they sleep, how would they work if they had no where to sleep and eat? etc. etc. </p><p></p><p>This detaching with love so that your son can have a chance at managing his own life someday will take a lot of work. It took you a long time to get this way (enabling) and it will take a long time to get better. I feel you have to take the focus off of him, little by little so that you can get stronger. If you don't, you may set boundaries but you will be too weak emotionally to stand by them and keep them. Remember, as you set the boundaries, if you fail, don't beat yourself up. You are not the bad guy here. Be kind and loving to yourself. You can do this with little baby steps that prove to yourself and maybe-possibly (but not for certain) to your son that you are getting stronger. It doesn't matter what he thinks, it's what you think.</p><p></p><p>I had to allow my adult sons to try to figure this out (which they're still doing) so that some day when I'm no longer around they can take care of themselves.</p><p></p><p>There's a saying..."give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 758264, member: 23405"] I agree with the other comments here. They are spot on. You must take the focus off your son and work on you. When I first started "detaching with love" I remember saying to my therapist, "but if I don't take care of my two (adult) sons, who will?" I felt the total burden of their lives was for me to run. How would they eat, where would they sleep, how would they work if they had no where to sleep and eat? etc. etc. This detaching with love so that your son can have a chance at managing his own life someday will take a lot of work. It took you a long time to get this way (enabling) and it will take a long time to get better. I feel you have to take the focus off of him, little by little so that you can get stronger. If you don't, you may set boundaries but you will be too weak emotionally to stand by them and keep them. Remember, as you set the boundaries, if you fail, don't beat yourself up. You are not the bad guy here. Be kind and loving to yourself. You can do this with little baby steps that prove to yourself and maybe-possibly (but not for certain) to your son that you are getting stronger. It doesn't matter what he thinks, it's what you think. I had to allow my adult sons to try to figure this out (which they're still doing) so that some day when I'm no longer around they can take care of themselves. There's a saying..."give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
What would you do?
Top