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What would you have done in this situation?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 301638" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You od need to sit and talk with her about this. Or maybe if there is something you can do to talk to her while she is doing something else with her hands but her mind is available (for example, she could be doing her nails) you could talk then.</p><p></p><p>Maybe the first things to talk about, are her own personal "to do" list (which should include planning her driving experience and oter necessary paperwork issues such as insurance). It's OK for her to also have on her "to do" list, doing her nails etc. But she needs to have, in her own mind, her reasons for putting things in a certain priority.</p><p></p><p>She needs to learn the difference between "urgent" and "important". For example, homeowkr due at the end of the week is important, but not so urgent on a Monday. An assignment due first thing in the morning us both urgent and important. A play date with her best friend for a sleepver on the weekend is obviously very important to her but not urgent on the previous Monday. However, with both the homework and the sleepover, there could be some planning needed, things to do regularly in preparation (such as find the DVDs she borrowed from her friend so she can take them with her on the sleepover). These are all things she neds to learn how to prioritise.</p><p></p><p>And of course, if she is planning a sleepover on the weekend, she needs to rearrange any other personal committments. Even the driving lessons - it's probably no skin off your nose if she chooses to not do her driving practice for a week. But it needs to be a conscious decision on her part, not simply something she forgot about in the excitement of everything else.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps part of what she needs is to get practice in this sort of personal time management. All YOU do in thie process, is act as a sounding board and help her remember what she had said about it. "Hang on, honey - if you go to Rachel's to study on Thursday, you have your therapy session on Wednesday, your piano lesson on Monday, then there is only Tuesday left for a driving lesson after school. Did you forget about your piano lesson? Or are you OK with skipping your driving lesson for this week? Maybe we could find a way to fit it in. Can you think of a way that would work for you?"</p><p>Don't tell her, let her think of what she is OK with. If it's unworkable you could try suggesting thta it could be a bit tricky, but if she wants to try for it, then you will support this. However, no tantrums permitted if it doesn't work out. Maybe a Plan B for the case of circumstances conspiring against her Plan A?</p><p>If SHE owns it, then it's not your fault. If she still blames you, wait until she calms down and gently say, "This was your plan. It was a good try, I'm sorry you're disappointed in it. Now how can the plan be improved for next time? What went wrong this time, that perhaps can be taken into account in the next plan?</p><p></p><p>THis is how we function as adults. Most kids pick this up easily. Some need help. All kids could benefit form assistance with this, but can only learn it when they're ready and capable. But continued exposure to this means that when they ARE ready, it's there for them to grab onto.</p><p></p><p>It's your starting point. From here, they can begin to make more serious plans, more long-term plans about things you feel are more vital in their lives.</p><p></p><p>But just as you did this time - you need to let her make her own choices, as far as possible. You can help by spreading out the range of choices she has (especially if it impacts on oter people, especially you - then of course you have a right to say, "I will allow this and this, but not that,") and with time and practice she should get a lot better at managing her time, her enegries and her responsibilities (to herself as well as to others).</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 301638, member: 1991"] You od need to sit and talk with her about this. Or maybe if there is something you can do to talk to her while she is doing something else with her hands but her mind is available (for example, she could be doing her nails) you could talk then. Maybe the first things to talk about, are her own personal "to do" list (which should include planning her driving experience and oter necessary paperwork issues such as insurance). It's OK for her to also have on her "to do" list, doing her nails etc. But she needs to have, in her own mind, her reasons for putting things in a certain priority. She needs to learn the difference between "urgent" and "important". For example, homeowkr due at the end of the week is important, but not so urgent on a Monday. An assignment due first thing in the morning us both urgent and important. A play date with her best friend for a sleepver on the weekend is obviously very important to her but not urgent on the previous Monday. However, with both the homework and the sleepover, there could be some planning needed, things to do regularly in preparation (such as find the DVDs she borrowed from her friend so she can take them with her on the sleepover). These are all things she neds to learn how to prioritise. And of course, if she is planning a sleepover on the weekend, she needs to rearrange any other personal committments. Even the driving lessons - it's probably no skin off your nose if she chooses to not do her driving practice for a week. But it needs to be a conscious decision on her part, not simply something she forgot about in the excitement of everything else. Perhaps part of what she needs is to get practice in this sort of personal time management. All YOU do in thie process, is act as a sounding board and help her remember what she had said about it. "Hang on, honey - if you go to Rachel's to study on Thursday, you have your therapy session on Wednesday, your piano lesson on Monday, then there is only Tuesday left for a driving lesson after school. Did you forget about your piano lesson? Or are you OK with skipping your driving lesson for this week? Maybe we could find a way to fit it in. Can you think of a way that would work for you?" Don't tell her, let her think of what she is OK with. If it's unworkable you could try suggesting thta it could be a bit tricky, but if she wants to try for it, then you will support this. However, no tantrums permitted if it doesn't work out. Maybe a Plan B for the case of circumstances conspiring against her Plan A? If SHE owns it, then it's not your fault. If she still blames you, wait until she calms down and gently say, "This was your plan. It was a good try, I'm sorry you're disappointed in it. Now how can the plan be improved for next time? What went wrong this time, that perhaps can be taken into account in the next plan? THis is how we function as adults. Most kids pick this up easily. Some need help. All kids could benefit form assistance with this, but can only learn it when they're ready and capable. But continued exposure to this means that when they ARE ready, it's there for them to grab onto. It's your starting point. From here, they can begin to make more serious plans, more long-term plans about things you feel are more vital in their lives. But just as you did this time - you need to let her make her own choices, as far as possible. You can help by spreading out the range of choices she has (especially if it impacts on oter people, especially you - then of course you have a right to say, "I will allow this and this, but not that,") and with time and practice she should get a lot better at managing her time, her enegries and her responsibilities (to herself as well as to others). Marg [/QUOTE]
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