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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622065" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I have felt this way too, COM. I have not consciously acknowledged it. Now that I see it, I will try to work with that. It becomes a habit, that wariness. The opposite of wariness would be trust. What would it feel like, what would it look like, to trust that I will care for, take care of, and defend myself?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>These are difficult questions to ask, are hard truths to see. A whispered prayer, COM, for the hurt of it.... </p><p></p><p>We can love unreservedly. That is our choice. It has nothing to do with the nature of the affection we receive in return. Though I need to go back, in my memory, to before all this happened, I love my son unreservedly from that place because it makes me happy to do that. Like you, I am learning new skills for interacting with him. Like you, I am acknowledging that I need and claim the right to, defend myself from him, from my daughter, from my mother ~ I am learning to trust myself to take care of myself. I suppose I must be learning to defend and to cherish myself.</p><p></p><p>This is very new.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am going to take some concrete action to make self care a real, concrete thing that I do, not just a concept, a mindset.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This thought applies to all of us here. What if we lived for those we love and care about as we do our difficult children? That seems impossible, with the amount of time it takes to assimilate the chaos and the hurt of the difficult child lifestyle. But...what if we made that concept of living for those we love and care about a goal, a practice. There is such strength in that concept, such happiness and rightness in it.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622065, member: 17461"] I have felt this way too, COM. I have not consciously acknowledged it. Now that I see it, I will try to work with that. It becomes a habit, that wariness. The opposite of wariness would be trust. What would it feel like, what would it look like, to trust that I will care for, take care of, and defend myself? These are difficult questions to ask, are hard truths to see. A whispered prayer, COM, for the hurt of it.... We can love unreservedly. That is our choice. It has nothing to do with the nature of the affection we receive in return. Though I need to go back, in my memory, to before all this happened, I love my son unreservedly from that place because it makes me happy to do that. Like you, I am learning new skills for interacting with him. Like you, I am acknowledging that I need and claim the right to, defend myself from him, from my daughter, from my mother ~ I am learning to trust myself to take care of myself. I suppose I must be learning to defend and to cherish myself. This is very new. :O) I am going to take some concrete action to make self care a real, concrete thing that I do, not just a concept, a mindset. This thought applies to all of us here. What if we lived for those we love and care about as we do our difficult children? That seems impossible, with the amount of time it takes to assimilate the chaos and the hurt of the difficult child lifestyle. But...what if we made that concept of living for those we love and care about a goal, a practice. There is such strength in that concept, such happiness and rightness in it. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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