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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622590" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It is true that the kind of honesty we are requiring of ourselves now seems really cold. And while we don't know how this new way of being with our kids will turn out, we do know that the other ways we have tried to help them only made things worse. Probably the worst thing about enabling is that pattern we get into of burying resentment. It seems like we tell the good story, the everything is going to be alright this time story, so much that the reality feels like a double betrayal.</p><p></p><p>It is harder to love them where they are from where we are. Before we can be honest with them, we have to face our own feelings about them, and about ourselves in relation to our difficult children. I find this to be really difficult. I get all tangled up.</p><p></p><p>It is a practice.</p><p></p><p>I am doing the best I know.</p><p></p><p>For today. I am doing the best I know, for today.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too. </p><p></p><p>It feels like I have been slipping into and out of detachment mindset while I wasn't looking. It is a really hard thing to keep the focus on what the right path is, to reach for healthy when all the old behaviors are automatic and feel right. Not risky, not mean. I too concentrate on the quality of a smile, on the flashes of my real son I see in the grown man.</p><p></p><p>********</p><p></p><p>I agree that part of the reason it is so hard to walk through this part is that the anger and resentment feel like an ocean held back by the thinnest, most transparent, membrane.</p><p></p><p>Recovering? You were right.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622590, member: 17461"] It is true that the kind of honesty we are requiring of ourselves now seems really cold. And while we don't know how this new way of being with our kids will turn out, we do know that the other ways we have tried to help them only made things worse. Probably the worst thing about enabling is that pattern we get into of burying resentment. It seems like we tell the good story, the everything is going to be alright this time story, so much that the reality feels like a double betrayal. It is harder to love them where they are from where we are. Before we can be honest with them, we have to face our own feelings about them, and about ourselves in relation to our difficult children. I find this to be really difficult. I get all tangled up. It is a practice. I am doing the best I know. For today. I am doing the best I know, for today. Me, too. It feels like I have been slipping into and out of detachment mindset while I wasn't looking. It is a really hard thing to keep the focus on what the right path is, to reach for healthy when all the old behaviors are automatic and feel right. Not risky, not mean. I too concentrate on the quality of a smile, on the flashes of my real son I see in the grown man. ******** I agree that part of the reason it is so hard to walk through this part is that the anger and resentment feel like an ocean held back by the thinnest, most transparent, membrane. Recovering? You were right. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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What's happening to me in detachment...
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