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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 462500" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I think different things worked at different times. At 27 looking back is different that looking when difficult child was 15. </p><p>Patience</p><p>Patience</p><p>Patience</p><p>Medication</p><p>Redirection for unacceptable behavior. </p><p>As far as parenting, I think asking myself "what does my difficult child need from me?" and creating a way to parent using that information. </p><p>Remembering he wasn't the enemy and to avoid an advesarial relationship with him although there were days when I wasn't so good at it.</p><p>Remembering he isn't a diagnosis but a person and to give him his dignity especially as he is a dependent adult. There is a real danger of treating impaired adults as children. </p><p></p><p>Probably what gives me a sense of peace at this time in my life is to accept that he isn't ever going to be typical despite all the classes, tutoring, treatments and to accept that he is who he is. We continue to encourage him to learn better ways to deal with obstacles but accepting his disability and understanding it may never get any better. My goal at this point is to get him to be as independent as possible or to find a secure environment that will offer him a safe haven when I am gone. </p><p></p><p>I spent more than 25 yrs researching, reading, implementing and worrying about the outcome of my difficult child's life. When he was 12 yrs old the idea of him being a dependent adult seemed to be the end of the world. Now I accept that outcome as a real possibility. He doesn't break the law, he is acceptable in a social situation and has a loving heart. He isn't cured but I think we avoided the worst outcomes. Success is subjective. I feel I have moved on to not make our family difficult child centered. I am not intensely involved and chose to push back. </p><p></p><p>I wish I could have avoided so much worry and obsessive need to find a better treatment but I have no regrets. I know I did everything I could to give him every chance but in the end, he is affected by a "brain wrinkle" that I can't fix. The best I could do is help him build a bridge over that part of his brain that doesn't work so well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 462500, member: 3"] I think different things worked at different times. At 27 looking back is different that looking when difficult child was 15. Patience Patience Patience Medication Redirection for unacceptable behavior. As far as parenting, I think asking myself "what does my difficult child need from me?" and creating a way to parent using that information. Remembering he wasn't the enemy and to avoid an advesarial relationship with him although there were days when I wasn't so good at it. Remembering he isn't a diagnosis but a person and to give him his dignity especially as he is a dependent adult. There is a real danger of treating impaired adults as children. Probably what gives me a sense of peace at this time in my life is to accept that he isn't ever going to be typical despite all the classes, tutoring, treatments and to accept that he is who he is. We continue to encourage him to learn better ways to deal with obstacles but accepting his disability and understanding it may never get any better. My goal at this point is to get him to be as independent as possible or to find a secure environment that will offer him a safe haven when I am gone. I spent more than 25 yrs researching, reading, implementing and worrying about the outcome of my difficult child's life. When he was 12 yrs old the idea of him being a dependent adult seemed to be the end of the world. Now I accept that outcome as a real possibility. He doesn't break the law, he is acceptable in a social situation and has a loving heart. He isn't cured but I think we avoided the worst outcomes. Success is subjective. I feel I have moved on to not make our family difficult child centered. I am not intensely involved and chose to push back. I wish I could have avoided so much worry and obsessive need to find a better treatment but I have no regrets. I know I did everything I could to give him every chance but in the end, he is affected by a "brain wrinkle" that I can't fix. The best I could do is help him build a bridge over that part of his brain that doesn't work so well. [/QUOTE]
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