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When a terrific DEX turns into a difficult child x 10 (I'm gobsmacked)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 382316" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thank you again everyone.</p><p></p><p>Re: the boy's clothes ... I've spoken quite a lot this weekend with easy child. Most definitely it was a 'subtle' process that her father used and yes, she did enjoy the whole "tom boy" thing ... for a while. She was in hockey at age 4. It became a huge bond between her and her father. Three times a week at least they'd be at the rink and he volunteer coached each season. He also volunteered as the photographer for the entire league as well as throwing a end of the year team party including paying for ice team for a team skate before the party (to let them skate for fun before the season was officially over and the girls would all be on new teams the following season). easy child says she really has enjoyed those years doing this, and it seems normal for her to dress more tom boy'ish as she always bonded with boys and not much with girls, and she was always interested in the sports with boys at recess instead of dolls or skipping rope with girls etc. However she said that the past year or two she's tried to get her dad to recognize that she is no longer feeling that way, and that while she tried to become more girly, her father increasingly purchased more boys clothes etc. She said he clearly knew this was no longer her preference and she was embarassed to wear some stuff he bought her. She's pretty miffed about that and I don't blame her. </p><p></p><p>All the boys clothes are gone. I had forbidden (first time I stood ground) any back to school shopping that included boy clothes, and for the first time her father did buy her clothes in August that were girls clothes. But the past few weeks she'd wear girls clothes to his house, he'd bring her to school next morning and she'd come home wearing boys clothes he wanted her to wear. She and I are going out this coming weekend to do more girl clothes shopping. I put a sealed envelope in her school bag this morning for her father, since she will be picked up by her father after school tonight. In the envelope is a copy of a short email I sent him, to ensure he gets the letter but have email proof as well as to what was said. Basically it just stated that all boys clothes he'd purchased have been donated to charity and under no circumstances should easy child ever be given or asked to wear or at all implied she should wear, boys clothes. That he should never discuss this with her unless and limited to a brief conversation where he apologizes for not seeing her as the beautiful budding young woman she is, and i encouraged such a apology as easy child has been very hurt and deserves to know she is valued as his daughter and not required to meet any personal desires for a "son". </p><p></p><p>easy child had a good weekend. My mother in law drove down in her car from out of town Saturday along with S/O's aunt and uncle (who never travel so was a delightful gift almost to have them travel to see us). They followed behind my brother in law and nephew who drove down my new VAN that I purchased and brother in law was kind enough to transport since it came from his area. My first ever vehicle, at my age to boot. I'm quite thrilled to say the least! easy child enjoyed the visit and she is super excited that we'll finally have our own transportation. She asked me if this means we dont' have to "rely" on her dad for picking her up for swim classes on her nights home with me etc. I assured her that once I do the change of ownership, get my own plates, certify the van etc most definitely I will enjoy taking her to and from her activities. She then asked if she stands up to herself to her dad if things seem wrong during a visit, if I can pick her up, then she asked if she could get a prepaid cell phone for calling home if she needs to without having to ask her father to use the phone to call me. *Gulp* I picked up a cell cheap today at Walmart and put some minutes on it. </p><p></p><p>She didn't want to go to her fathers tonight. Problem is she has to. It is not his night as per our court order, this is a additional night among several we added in over the years. However since the precedent has been there for years, a judge will look poorly on me for stopping the visit if/when we end up in court. So I had to talk with her about going for the visit. She can call home if he crosses a line and we also discussed that she really should come to me when something feels wrong etc. That there is nothing she can't tell me and no problem I can't help her sort out so long as I know it is a problem. We have a understanding that I feel good about and she seems relieved to once again be assured she has a open line of communication with me. </p><p></p><p>I of course have had no response to either email I had to send DEX. I didn't expect one. I suppose I will know this week what he's planning but since its in the open with easy child anyhow, I have thought it out and really hope he files for court. I would appreciate a judge to speak to and a change to our court order. I plan to also limit his access to the court documents if we go back to court. Any additional days can be added as per easy child's wishes but not as a permenent thing that must happen each week and this way we can change our plans when we need to without this hassle. </p><p></p><p>I am fairly confident that there isn't much more going on that easy child isnt talking about. She did open up that she is concerned her father and his wife are struggling (relationship wise) and she feels tension when visiting there and it really bothers her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 382316, member: 4264"] Thank you again everyone. Re: the boy's clothes ... I've spoken quite a lot this weekend with easy child. Most definitely it was a 'subtle' process that her father used and yes, she did enjoy the whole "tom boy" thing ... for a while. She was in hockey at age 4. It became a huge bond between her and her father. Three times a week at least they'd be at the rink and he volunteer coached each season. He also volunteered as the photographer for the entire league as well as throwing a end of the year team party including paying for ice team for a team skate before the party (to let them skate for fun before the season was officially over and the girls would all be on new teams the following season). easy child says she really has enjoyed those years doing this, and it seems normal for her to dress more tom boy'ish as she always bonded with boys and not much with girls, and she was always interested in the sports with boys at recess instead of dolls or skipping rope with girls etc. However she said that the past year or two she's tried to get her dad to recognize that she is no longer feeling that way, and that while she tried to become more girly, her father increasingly purchased more boys clothes etc. She said he clearly knew this was no longer her preference and she was embarassed to wear some stuff he bought her. She's pretty miffed about that and I don't blame her. All the boys clothes are gone. I had forbidden (first time I stood ground) any back to school shopping that included boy clothes, and for the first time her father did buy her clothes in August that were girls clothes. But the past few weeks she'd wear girls clothes to his house, he'd bring her to school next morning and she'd come home wearing boys clothes he wanted her to wear. She and I are going out this coming weekend to do more girl clothes shopping. I put a sealed envelope in her school bag this morning for her father, since she will be picked up by her father after school tonight. In the envelope is a copy of a short email I sent him, to ensure he gets the letter but have email proof as well as to what was said. Basically it just stated that all boys clothes he'd purchased have been donated to charity and under no circumstances should easy child ever be given or asked to wear or at all implied she should wear, boys clothes. That he should never discuss this with her unless and limited to a brief conversation where he apologizes for not seeing her as the beautiful budding young woman she is, and i encouraged such a apology as easy child has been very hurt and deserves to know she is valued as his daughter and not required to meet any personal desires for a "son". easy child had a good weekend. My mother in law drove down in her car from out of town Saturday along with S/O's aunt and uncle (who never travel so was a delightful gift almost to have them travel to see us). They followed behind my brother in law and nephew who drove down my new VAN that I purchased and brother in law was kind enough to transport since it came from his area. My first ever vehicle, at my age to boot. I'm quite thrilled to say the least! easy child enjoyed the visit and she is super excited that we'll finally have our own transportation. She asked me if this means we dont' have to "rely" on her dad for picking her up for swim classes on her nights home with me etc. I assured her that once I do the change of ownership, get my own plates, certify the van etc most definitely I will enjoy taking her to and from her activities. She then asked if she stands up to herself to her dad if things seem wrong during a visit, if I can pick her up, then she asked if she could get a prepaid cell phone for calling home if she needs to without having to ask her father to use the phone to call me. *Gulp* I picked up a cell cheap today at Walmart and put some minutes on it. She didn't want to go to her fathers tonight. Problem is she has to. It is not his night as per our court order, this is a additional night among several we added in over the years. However since the precedent has been there for years, a judge will look poorly on me for stopping the visit if/when we end up in court. So I had to talk with her about going for the visit. She can call home if he crosses a line and we also discussed that she really should come to me when something feels wrong etc. That there is nothing she can't tell me and no problem I can't help her sort out so long as I know it is a problem. We have a understanding that I feel good about and she seems relieved to once again be assured she has a open line of communication with me. I of course have had no response to either email I had to send DEX. I didn't expect one. I suppose I will know this week what he's planning but since its in the open with easy child anyhow, I have thought it out and really hope he files for court. I would appreciate a judge to speak to and a change to our court order. I plan to also limit his access to the court documents if we go back to court. Any additional days can be added as per easy child's wishes but not as a permenent thing that must happen each week and this way we can change our plans when we need to without this hassle. I am fairly confident that there isn't much more going on that easy child isnt talking about. She did open up that she is concerned her father and his wife are struggling (relationship wise) and she feels tension when visiting there and it really bothers her. [/QUOTE]
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