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When are we assuming too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 621593" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>I'm sorry if my raising this was upsetting-- I really wasn't pointing out anything to anyone in particular, just wanted to point out that it's something to think about...I've just been bothered by it and thought it was worth raising in case others (for example, the receivers of the posts-- who generally have been new members) were reading things the same as me...I just think it's worth thinking about and being mindful of what we say...I read that post and understood that 1) there had been a crisis that got the daughter in the ER; 2) they convinced her in the ER to sign herself in for p-treatment; 3) once there, she was manipulative but also had a legitimate physical issue- enough to be hospitalized; and 4) since she was a 'captive' audience so to speak, the poster was asking for help on what to do for her...I took some of the replies to imply there's no hope, she's an adult, nothing parents can do so let it go...I totally agree with that IF this is a daughter who's been in treatment before, and all those other lovely difficult child traits we know so well...but maybe there was hope that since she wasn't feeling good and in a vulnerable position (her boyfriend is going to kick her out-- that's a rock bottom moment if you ask me) the family could show her a united front to either get treatment or be on her own...that's what an intervention would have done-- get the family who she'd most likely try and live with to all say 'no'...you need help, you can get it here and if you don't, you can't come live with us (if she has a family willing to come together like that, god bless her! she's very fortunate)...that's all I was suggesting in my replies...as the mom of a 19yo difficult child who is mentally ill and been hospitalized twice when he was younger- and was kicked out of our house because he wouldn't get treatment (and attacked me), I know there's not alot we can do in what is often a hopeless feeling (if not actual) situation...but when they are at a place where they are at or near rock bottom, if my son ever gets there, I will do everything I can to show him how he's done this to himself and nothing will change if he doesn't get help-- and do what I can to get him that help if he's even open to the idea...it's sometimes the only way people can actually 'see' that the bulk of the issues are their own, not everyone else's...who knows if it would have worked but it was worth a try...to me it was...she's 20, not 30 or 40 with a long history of being an adult with her illness...I was just trying to say that maybe that situation is better than we were assuming...or what we've been through ourselves...and yes, it's true that people don't have to take advice from this site but having been in a crisis situation only ~3 months ago and desperate for advice from people who know/understand my situation, I'm pretty sure the new members feel desperate too and will grasp for advice as it comes...I know I did and do</p><p> </p><p>and I still believe that if someone is expressing suicidal thoughts and you don't know that person to tell if they are manipulating you, then you must take it seriously because you just don't know what that person is capable of...and as slsh noted, the potential outcome is worth avoiding even if in the end you feel used and manipulated...maybe that's just me but it was worth raising the issue I thought to generate some thinking about it...apologies again if I upset anyone-- that wasn't my intent</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 621593, member: 17503"] I'm sorry if my raising this was upsetting-- I really wasn't pointing out anything to anyone in particular, just wanted to point out that it's something to think about...I've just been bothered by it and thought it was worth raising in case others (for example, the receivers of the posts-- who generally have been new members) were reading things the same as me...I just think it's worth thinking about and being mindful of what we say...I read that post and understood that 1) there had been a crisis that got the daughter in the ER; 2) they convinced her in the ER to sign herself in for p-treatment; 3) once there, she was manipulative but also had a legitimate physical issue- enough to be hospitalized; and 4) since she was a 'captive' audience so to speak, the poster was asking for help on what to do for her...I took some of the replies to imply there's no hope, she's an adult, nothing parents can do so let it go...I totally agree with that IF this is a daughter who's been in treatment before, and all those other lovely difficult child traits we know so well...but maybe there was hope that since she wasn't feeling good and in a vulnerable position (her boyfriend is going to kick her out-- that's a rock bottom moment if you ask me) the family could show her a united front to either get treatment or be on her own...that's what an intervention would have done-- get the family who she'd most likely try and live with to all say 'no'...you need help, you can get it here and if you don't, you can't come live with us (if she has a family willing to come together like that, god bless her! she's very fortunate)...that's all I was suggesting in my replies...as the mom of a 19yo difficult child who is mentally ill and been hospitalized twice when he was younger- and was kicked out of our house because he wouldn't get treatment (and attacked me), I know there's not alot we can do in what is often a hopeless feeling (if not actual) situation...but when they are at a place where they are at or near rock bottom, if my son ever gets there, I will do everything I can to show him how he's done this to himself and nothing will change if he doesn't get help-- and do what I can to get him that help if he's even open to the idea...it's sometimes the only way people can actually 'see' that the bulk of the issues are their own, not everyone else's...who knows if it would have worked but it was worth a try...to me it was...she's 20, not 30 or 40 with a long history of being an adult with her illness...I was just trying to say that maybe that situation is better than we were assuming...or what we've been through ourselves...and yes, it's true that people don't have to take advice from this site but having been in a crisis situation only ~3 months ago and desperate for advice from people who know/understand my situation, I'm pretty sure the new members feel desperate too and will grasp for advice as it comes...I know I did and do and I still believe that if someone is expressing suicidal thoughts and you don't know that person to tell if they are manipulating you, then you must take it seriously because you just don't know what that person is capable of...and as slsh noted, the potential outcome is worth avoiding even if in the end you feel used and manipulated...maybe that's just me but it was worth raising the issue I thought to generate some thinking about it...apologies again if I upset anyone-- that wasn't my intent [/QUOTE]
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