When are you morally obligated to give in?

Scent of Cedar *

Well-Known Member
Well, he sent a 'before' and then he sent an 'after'.

My daughter did something similar. We were talking on the phone and I was practicing my detachment words and she zoomed me a photo taken of her face after the beating. I knew about the beating, had heard the words ~ but that picture, just BOOM threw me right into FOG. After picking me up and dusting me off, the other moms here noted: Your own daughter that you love to distraction and suffer FOG for did this to you on purpose and she knew what she was doing and she did it with malicious intent.

And you know? Once I had run through every denial possible, I saw they were correct.

That was a very hard thing.

I made an error when I started this, by getting the motel, worried about the health of his leg.

No you didn't. You're his mom. It's just that we are in situations where we cannot ever respond from our hearts to our children.

We have to be wise, and we have to be wary, and that sucks in a way. But we have the other moms' stories of their children turning things around once the moms responded differently.

So, we have hope.

And that is better than nothing, so we take it and make a life raft.

And then we look around and we see everyone else on the site, and they are all paddling their life rafts to beat the band, too.

So we say hello and get back to paddling our own.

Sometimes we say, "Could you pass me a bucket. I've sprung a leak." And everyone passes buckets and buckets, because we all have enough for ourselves and a spare.

We do, after we have been doing that, paddling our life rafts, long enough.

Yessss. He told me Eff you because I wouldn't get him another 2 nights. What is this sense of entitlement? I asked my daughter, you grew up in the same home, same way. So why? I worked my tail off to give them a good home and he looked at it as a never ending 'gift' and my daughter looked at it like 'this is what you do to have a good life'. I know, I know, brains work differently.

I am just a person, and have actually been wrong. On occasion, that actually happened. But I think, when you are interacting with what you believe is your son, you are actually interacting with Addiction. Addiction has no conscience, and it does not love its victims' mothers, because they are one of the few, good, committed sources of strength and lovingkindness that can help our hollowed out, addicted children make their ways back from it and reclaim their lives.

Once Addiction, which masquerades as my child and which I so detest, has been seen for what it is and dealt with appropriately, then there is only my child there, again.

This is a true story someone told me. She was at a rehab group therapy with her daughter. And one of the other rehab patients stood up and began berating his mother. And the counselor leaped up and got right in that young man's face and said: "When did you start using again!"

And the kid denied and denied that he was using again. Swore he was clean as a whistle.

But the counselor broke him.

And the kid admitted he'd gone back to using.

And the counselor told everyone that he knew it, the minute the kid began berating his mother. Because when the kids are not using? They are grateful, and horribly sad at what they've put their mothers through, and they feel so fortunate to know that she loved them enough to stick with them, to be there and to love them and to help them now, to come back.

Long before that, I had to Liquid Nail the windows shut in the kids rooms. I did it to his and then he started going out his sisters window - so I did that one.

Man, Julie Ann ~ you are good. I never even thought of doing that.

Cedar
 

Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
And then we look around and we see everyone else on the site, and they are all paddling their life rafts to beat the band, too.

So we say hello and get back to paddling our own.

Sometimes we say, "Could you pass me a bucket. I've sprung a leak." And everyone passes buckets and buckets, because we all have enough for ourselves and a spare.

Love this imagery!!
 

JulieAnn

Member
Yes. You're right. He knew what I would do when he sent the picture and like a trained monkey, I did. Then he sent the 'after' picture. "See? You got me a room and look what I did for you? I got my leg cleaned up. Look what I did for you".

I hope that some day and if I am lucky enough, he will know.
and they feel so fortunate to know that she loved them enough to stick with them, to be there and to love them and to help them now, to come back.

Regarding the windows......Ha! I thought it was a good idea at the time! Sort of a fire hazard, but got them replaced since.

Sometimes we say, "Could you pass me a bucket. I've sprung a leak." And everyone passes buckets and buckets, because we all have enough for ourselves and a spare.

And THAT is why I love this forum so much. It truly is a lifesaver. I hope that one day, I can contribute to the wonderful life preserver that you and so many others now provide.
 

Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
He knew what I would do when he sent the picture and like a trained monkey

monkeys-3.jpg
 

DoneDad

Well-Known Member
Long before that, I had to Liquid Nail the windows shut in the kids rooms. I did it to his and then he started going out his sisters window - so I did that one
.

Haha, I used SuperGlue. It was to keep Difficult Child daughter from having her jackass boyfriend climb in the window.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
As for the liquid nail / super glue fixes... my brother got around that very easily. He took out the screws, then kept the window set in place. He just lifted it out when he wanted to leave, and set it back in place so nobody knew how he was getting out.
 

JulieAnn

Member
As for the liquid nail / super glue fixes... my brother got around that very easily. He took out the screws, then kept the window set in place. He just lifted it out when he wanted to leave, and set it back in place so nobody knew how he was getting out.
He missed his calling! Should be an engineer. Wow......
 
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