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Parent Emeritus
When are you morally obligated to give in?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658067" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>No it wasn't. It got you through the night. Whether you did or did not order him food, that was not about him. That was about you, and what you needed to do to be able to meet your own eyes in the mirror, this morning.</p><p></p><p>There are no atheists in foxholes, and there is no right or wrong way to do this very, very hard thing we all are trying to learn, with every fiber of our beings trying to learn, to do.</p><p></p><p>You did a nice thing for your son. You did not send money. You did not enable. You are his mother and you saw to it that he had hot food.</p><p></p><p>Good job, mom.</p><p></p><p>We need to see how awful our situations are, JulieAnn. We really need to acknowledge that and comfort and console ourselves for that. Any good thing, anything that is not enabling and can give us a moment's peace ~ we get to bless ourselves and bless ourselves again and do that thing that is not enabling.</p><p></p><p>One pizza is not enabling.</p><p></p><p>You're good. Doing really well.</p><p></p><p>Don't be mean to yourself, okay? When you see yourself being mean to yourself? Then you need to cherish yourself instead. Right that minute, the instant you hear that badness toward yourself because you are his mother and he suffers and you did some little good something for him? Then you need to re-see. It takes courage to hear their voices, to hear the suffering and the begging and the places their addictions or their illnesses have brought our children to. You did that, Julie Ann. You were present for him in that moment and that might be the thing, now or ten years from now, that helps him know his mother loved him enough. Enough to hear and to see even this, even this so ugly thing that happened, to him.</p><p></p><p>And maybe that will be the thing that allows him to love himself enough, now or ten years from now, to change his story.</p><p></p><p>I think you did really well.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658067, member: 17461"] No it wasn't. It got you through the night. Whether you did or did not order him food, that was not about him. That was about you, and what you needed to do to be able to meet your own eyes in the mirror, this morning. There are no atheists in foxholes, and there is no right or wrong way to do this very, very hard thing we all are trying to learn, with every fiber of our beings trying to learn, to do. You did a nice thing for your son. You did not send money. You did not enable. You are his mother and you saw to it that he had hot food. Good job, mom. We need to see how awful our situations are, JulieAnn. We really need to acknowledge that and comfort and console ourselves for that. Any good thing, anything that is not enabling and can give us a moment's peace ~ we get to bless ourselves and bless ourselves again and do that thing that is not enabling. One pizza is not enabling. You're good. Doing really well. Don't be mean to yourself, okay? When you see yourself being mean to yourself? Then you need to cherish yourself instead. Right that minute, the instant you hear that badness toward yourself because you are his mother and he suffers and you did some little good something for him? Then you need to re-see. It takes courage to hear their voices, to hear the suffering and the begging and the places their addictions or their illnesses have brought our children to. You did that, Julie Ann. You were present for him in that moment and that might be the thing, now or ten years from now, that helps him know his mother loved him enough. Enough to hear and to see even this, even this so ugly thing that happened, to him. And maybe that will be the thing that allows him to love himself enough, now or ten years from now, to change his story. I think you did really well. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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When are you morally obligated to give in?
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