When did you notice?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Aug 11, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Not sure why I'm even thinking about this but I have been so I decided to ask all of you Brilliant parents. How old was your difficult child when you first realized something was "not right" and what made you think that?
     
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Probably when she was about 7 and had a full meltdown and day long temper tantrum involving her Barbie doll going to prom first, before her sisters doll showed up. Sounds silly, but it was the first of many meltdowns when she didn't get her way. Also when they started learning the multiplication tables, and couldn't remember the same problem 15 minutes later. In fact, she has never been able to remember multiplication or division facts. and has to think long and hard about simple addition and subtraction problems. On the other hand, she can get the right answers with a calculator. She knows how to get the answers, just can never do it in her head. KSM
     
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I should have added that we had custody of her from age 6... KSM
     
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I suspected something along the lines of ADHD when manster was young, just a couple years old. He was so hyper and sensitive. I didn't understand why his behavior was so out of control at times. Looking back I now recognize that he was experiencing sensory overload. Even before that I knew I had a challenging child. He had colic and reflux and cried all the time. When he was bad he was very bad lol. But the same was true for happiness. His laughter could (and still does) light up a room.
     
  5. When he was about 2. He was the perfect baby -- a happy baby who loved everyone and everyone loved him, even though he spit up a lot. But he turned into a "terrible two" between 18 and 24 months and just stayed that way. There wasn't a single incident -- just the sweetest, happiest baby, having tantrum after tantrum, that didn't improve at the same rate that other children did. I cried because I realized that he was going to be just like me and I thought life as a difficult child was pretty hard.
     
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I don't remember much of Duckie's first day due to blood loss from hemorrhaging during childbirth, but she pushed away from me, was very fussy and couldn't nurse for more than a few minutes at time on day 2.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    The first week I had him. He did not feel "right" in my arms. He was agitated, grabby, and LOUD for a newborn. But I didn't want to go through the adoption ordeal again. We'd gone through two and the potential birthmoms changed their minds at the last minute. I thought I'd lose my mind.
    Guess I would have lost it one way or another.
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Kindergarten - when he started coming home with this blank look in his eyes. (we now know it was burnout)

    Looking back, there were other things before that, but not that really affected our lives or his... until school.
     
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    Son - when he started middle school. He hit depression HARD. Before that he had already had his Asperger's diagnosis, but in my opinion was perfectly normal. Most likely because my Dad is also an Aspie. To me it is a PERFECTLY NORMAL "personality".

    DD1 - at about 1 month. The child just would not stop crying! I had to keep her papoossed just so I could get basic housework done, but the papoose just wasn't enough. I had to have at least one hand around her as well. Sometimes I'd make a game of it, by taking away my had to see if she would start to cry, and sure enough, she did. EVERY TIME.

    DD2 - Um tonight. She had a 2 hour tantrum because the gumball machines did not have the kind of toys she wanted and she had to get a 'stupid' ball instead. Oh, sure, there were other things and signs in the past, but they still fell into my concept of "normal" Tonight was kind of like, REALLY???????????
     
  10. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    difficult child 1: age 4 He had hours of rages, throwing chairs across the room that were bigger than he was, hitting men where it'd hurt worst, chasing his aunt with a fire poker for the fun of it.

    difficult child 2: age 18 months The pediatrician had been telling us he was autistic for a year. We took difficult child 2 to an autism specialist to prove the doctor wrong and get him to stop hounding us. Took the specialist one look to tell he was very autistic. We're still going to that pediatrician.

    difficult child 3: age 18 months for JRA He stopped walking and spiked a high fever that wouldn't go down. He would scream when he'd put any weight on his legs. He was hospitalized for a week. Now its just off and on again arthritis.
    age 3 for autism difficult child 2's preschool teachers wanted to test difficult child 3 because they saw the signs. I didn't recognize it because he is higher functioning than his brothers. Now I have easy child's to compare with I see it.
     
  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    3 weeks. Just like Keista - non-stop crying, screaming rather, if I wasn't holding her. I couldn't do the papoose - I had to have both hands around her. My mom, however, could do the papoose. (Some things never change. She's 16 and still completely dependent on me - in every possible way.) She would fall asleep on my shoulder, I'd wait until her breathing changed, put her down, and she'd immediately wake up and scream. About every third day she did nothing but sleep, waking only long enough to eat - and just barely - because she was so exhausted from not sleeping the rest of the time. This is why I was back into my regular clothes within a month of delivery. I never got to eat or rest. She also screamed in the car anytime it wasn't moving, such as at a traffic light.
     
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Two and a half years old. For both difficult children. Their behaviors were very similar at the same times in their lives -- hyperactivity, auditory processing problems, sensory issues, attention problems, did I mention hyperactivity? We didn't start treating difficult child 1 until he was 5 1/2. difficult child 2 started getting some help at age 3 and was on medications by age 5.
     
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    As soon as I got her home from the hospital. She was SO INTENSE about everything that it completely exhausted me, and the kangaroo carrier for I don't even remember how long didn't help. The terrible twos were magnified, every problem was a major crisis, and it was all drama all the time.
     
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    For Billy I didnt realize he had anything wrong until he hit kindergarten when his teacher alerted me to the fact that she was noticing some learning disabilities. She picked them up very early because she had a Learning Disability (LD) son of her own and wanted me to get the ball rolling on his testing as soon as I could so he was tested and put on an IEP before he got into first grade for reading, writing and math. Other than that, I assumed he was a quirky and very good quiet boy who was easy to parent and followed rules well and wanted to please...lol. He was always inside and captivated by whatever his object of desire was at the time but I didnt know that was a sign at the time. He also didnt throw tantrums about it. He just became a little professor about things.

    With Jamie, he was almost the perfect baby (and if you ask his dad he was the perfect child always) until he hit about 15 months. That is when his true hyperactivity started showing but it didnt really become an issue until he was 4. Jamie was just hugely active. You couldnt corral him. In some ways that was okay because we were able to let him play outside and the first day care he attended was a very good place for him with LOTS of outdoor playtime. They were a place that truly believed in little kids needed to have lots of free time to be kids. When that place closed is when we really noticed a change in the worst. It was the first time I had someone come to me and tell me my kid was a terror...lol. They told me they thought he was psychotic...! This place had the policy of very structured playtime on a small playground at short times. Most of the time they kept them inside coloring, reading and watching movies and videos. Jamie hated it and started picking at the wallpaper. Thats the first time a doctor gave me the ADHD label. No medications though.

    We moved to a bigger city not long after that and he was happier because I wasnt working and he wasnt confined...but the damage was done. He was now showing real signs. When he started kindergarten he simply couldnt still for anything. Mental health was called in and a real evaluation was done and he was put on medications. He finally started to be able to sit down somewhat but he was miserable for a good two and a half years. Little boys werent meant to sit still in schools he said. He was never a behavior problem but he was hyper and had attention problems and was a class clown. And as athletic as the day is long. That is what saved him.

    With Cory he was a good baby but he had many health issues from the start. He was allergic to all the formula's that WIC would allow us to try. I really wonder if they would have tried some of the more expensive pre-digested ones if they would have worked but they have a set few and thats it. We tried the ones they allowed and even goats milk but he still got sick. He was so bad. He had such explosive diarrhea that nothing would stay down and his poor little bottom would be so raw. We really wondered if we would lose him at times. I had him on solid foods by two months with weird things for fluids in his bottle. Pedialyte, weak gatorade, weak tea, juice, sugar water. Whatever I could get him to drink. He also started showing signs of his shoulder by about 6 months I think...we noticed it looked odd. We thought someone had grabbed him wrong at daycare. Of course his feet had been noticed at birth. Then as he got old enough to tag along with his brothers to the playground at around 18 months...his ODD really kicked in. He would throw major tantrums if he couldnt do what they could do. I remember one major major tantrum when they were playing on the monkey bars and he simply couldnt lift his left arm up to grab that bar...even with me holding him up. His arm simply didnt move above his waist because of his condition. He sat there and tried to swing his body with everything in him while screaming until he was blue in the face, one right arm on the bar. He tried over and over again. I tried to explain. He just screamed back. NO...I DO IT! Talk about feeling bad for a kid. That kid would walk across hot coals to do what he wanted. He never stopped. Now if only that was to do the right thing...sigh.
     
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I wasn't there when the kids were really young, but I picked up on issues right away - first date type of right away. O clung to me through the haunted house like I was her BFF, and she'd met me half an hour before (age 8). J barely talked (age 5).

    husband said he noticed O at 18 months, when the tantrums started, and they had to restrain her. Apparently he would tell her pre-K, K and 1st teachers that she was manipulative and they'd blow it off - "Oh, I understand kids like that"... Then come the first P-T conference they'd shake their heads - "You were right... She's GOOD at manipulation."

    J - he didn't seem to hear anyone well, talked late (2 years from what I hear) and even then not much. I still think, in addition to the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), he's somewhere on the Autism spectrum, probably Asperger's, but hey, I'm not a doctor. When I first met him, he barely spoke. Still didn't, until I'd been with husband over a year and J was spending more time with us. I refused to do the baby talk everyone else used with him - and he would talk to me. Not O, or husband, or mother in law, or father in law - but he would talk to me - but strangely, only on the phone. Where I couldn't understand 90% of what he was saying because he talked SO FAST. But still, not MUCH talking.

    After a meltdown when he informed me that husband and I COULD NOT GET MARRIED because we would start fighting, he started talking more and more. And now he talks "to himself" - but only when someone else is in the room...
     
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As soon as we met Sonic at two years old in foster care, we knew. He was hyper, had delays, and didn't sleep. He would throw tantrums. We thought "autism." Took us many years to get that diagnosis., but we knew it right away.

    With Pastry Chef, my ex-drug addict, she was adopted at five months and nothing seemed too "off" except that she was a little bit sensitive and once in a blue moon had a tantrum. In fifth grade she told her friends that her father worked in for a candy company and that she could get candy for everyone. Then she's shoplift candy and hand it out. We realized she seemed desperate to impress her peers and the drug use started in seventh grade.
     
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    GFGmom was obviously hyper as soon as she learned to walk. We used to say "let's take her for a run" where the other kids were always "taken for a walk". Her hyperactivity was extreme but she never had (or has had) temper tantrums or violent predisposition. Just did her own thing with-o regard for rules. She's the same now at 46. Little difficult child was "off" by two. I'm still not sure how much was the result of early years with GFGmom. easy child/difficult child didn't have any problems until 13...later we learned he started drinking and smoking pot at that age. Sigh! Still has only had one tantrum and he's 24. Double Sigh! DDD
     
  18. lynnp

    lynnp New Member

    At birth. We brought him to the hotel and he slept for maybe 20 minutes the first night and I swear, didn't sleep again until he was about 5 years old LOL! He was a very happy baby, just never slept. Then at 2+ the rages started and lasted until 5th grade. Problem is that we're the only ones that see it! UGH.
     
  19. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    I didn't know until Kindergarten. In day care he was always a trouble maker but I figured it was just a kid/boy thing. In Kindy his teacher very nicely informed us that was not the case ;)

    When he was younger we were always so impressed with his ability to just sit and play with the same toy for hours on end, not the typical spinning, lining up, etc, but he'd play with the same toy over and over for hours. Funny to be diagnosed ADHD now, looking back, we always commented on how great his attention span was. I was so shocked to get the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but it makes sense now. He still hasn't grown out of the terrible twos/threes yet.
     
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I couldn't do the papoose - I had to have both hands around her.

    I used the front papoose AND both hands. I even had to hold him while I used the toilet, or put up with-his wild screaming. Talk about exhausting.
     
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