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Substance Abuse
When do you start random drug tests?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 635305" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Go with your gut, regardless of what ANYONE else says. You have gut instincts for a very powerful reason. They are the first line of defense against ANYTHING wrong with your child - meant to help ensure the survival of the species. The most important lesson I ever learned was to follow my instincts no matter what. The biggest mistakes I have made for myself and for my kids have ALL, every last one, been the result of not following my gut instincts. </p><p></p><p>I would attack the mental health issues, the depression and whatever else is in there, because often people turn to drugs because they are medicating a problem. Sure, they say it is fun, esp as kids, but many are really crying out for help. Mental illness is NOT a weakness any more than strep throat or heart disease are. It is an actual illness caused by something wrong in the body and it needs treatment just like any other illness. If your son had a broken ankle and was using a tree branch to keep his weight off of it, you would not just insist he walk without the branch. You would take him to the hospital for xrays and a cast and you would have him use crutches or a wheelchair. Depression is the same thing, only he is using marijuana instead of a tree branch, and he needs to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist rather than an orthopedic doctor and maybe a physical therapist. If you fix the depression, chances are the use of illegal drugs will stop.</p><p></p><p>It won't be easy to get him to a doctor and get him to cooperate. It can take time to find the right medications and the wrong ones can have side effects and cause other problems. He needs therapy in addition to medications and that can also be hard to accomplish. You have to keep making him take his medications and go to therapy, even if he refuses to talk for a while. You have to listen to him about how the medications make him feel, and make adjustments if he is miserable from side effects, but you have to make him keep trying until th right one is found.</p><p></p><p>How do you do that? Make it non-negotiable if he wants ANYTHING at all. If he gets hardcore in his refusal, you can strip his belongings to only the bare minimum mandated by the state - mattress on floor, pillow and blanket, 7 outfits (NOT his favorites, not new, basic serviceable, used if he outgrows them), and one pair of shoes. Food for meals but again, NOT his favorites or really even ones he likes. NO CASH, no matter how he spends it, no phone, no electronics. He can earn his things back by taking his medications and going to /participating in therapy.</p><p></p><p>You should only strip all that stuff if he forces you to. This is the BIG gun, not the first one you use. If you know what motivates him, use that rather than cracking down super hard, esp at first. </p><p></p><p>Given his age, I would start to address one issue now. That is his privacy. Even at 16, many tdocs will refuse to discuss his therapy with you with-o his permission. You have to find a therapist that both you and your son can work with and part of that is negotiating this issue. Let your son know that refusing to allow his docs to speak with you will end many of the good things in his life. Why? He is still a child, and his mind is not yet ready to understand the ramifications of his actions. He also does not have the grasp of his medical history, so if you cannot work with the doctor, scary things can happen. You know him better than anyone, and even better than he does sometimes (don't EVER tell him that!!) and it takes a whole TEAM to help him. I let my kids all know that as long as they live in my home, I will have access to their medical records, docs, everything. No exceptions. I will do all I can to respect their privacy and to not push if they ask me not to, but if a major issue comes up, I WILL speak to their doctors and they WILL allow it. None of my kids have ever fussed about this, largely because I do what I can to understand and respect their wishes unless it is a major issue and they will be hurt badly if I let it go. One example was my difficult child wanting to make his own medication decisions, but a doctor talked him into trying a medication that he had taken years before. This medication caused serious side effects that required a trip to the ER, but the docs thought that since ten yrs had passed, it was somehow okay to try it again. I freaked. Luckily he hadn't taken it when I found out, because he is severely allergic to it and we had been warned that each future exposure would be far worse than the one before. his doctors thought that by 'allergic to' we meant it made him sick to his stomach, NOT that it gave him breathing problems and a bad rash. </p><p></p><p>I hope you can help with the depression and that it will end the need and desire to self medicate. that would be the route I would take. If he wants to not take drug tests, then he can comply with a psychiatrist and therapist Refuse those and a full drug test panel might be needed. Esp as many kids will admit to pot when they are doing MUCH more - even the really hard drugs are often used by kids even younger than your son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 635305, member: 1233"] Go with your gut, regardless of what ANYONE else says. You have gut instincts for a very powerful reason. They are the first line of defense against ANYTHING wrong with your child - meant to help ensure the survival of the species. The most important lesson I ever learned was to follow my instincts no matter what. The biggest mistakes I have made for myself and for my kids have ALL, every last one, been the result of not following my gut instincts. I would attack the mental health issues, the depression and whatever else is in there, because often people turn to drugs because they are medicating a problem. Sure, they say it is fun, esp as kids, but many are really crying out for help. Mental illness is NOT a weakness any more than strep throat or heart disease are. It is an actual illness caused by something wrong in the body and it needs treatment just like any other illness. If your son had a broken ankle and was using a tree branch to keep his weight off of it, you would not just insist he walk without the branch. You would take him to the hospital for xrays and a cast and you would have him use crutches or a wheelchair. Depression is the same thing, only he is using marijuana instead of a tree branch, and he needs to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist rather than an orthopedic doctor and maybe a physical therapist. If you fix the depression, chances are the use of illegal drugs will stop. It won't be easy to get him to a doctor and get him to cooperate. It can take time to find the right medications and the wrong ones can have side effects and cause other problems. He needs therapy in addition to medications and that can also be hard to accomplish. You have to keep making him take his medications and go to therapy, even if he refuses to talk for a while. You have to listen to him about how the medications make him feel, and make adjustments if he is miserable from side effects, but you have to make him keep trying until th right one is found. How do you do that? Make it non-negotiable if he wants ANYTHING at all. If he gets hardcore in his refusal, you can strip his belongings to only the bare minimum mandated by the state - mattress on floor, pillow and blanket, 7 outfits (NOT his favorites, not new, basic serviceable, used if he outgrows them), and one pair of shoes. Food for meals but again, NOT his favorites or really even ones he likes. NO CASH, no matter how he spends it, no phone, no electronics. He can earn his things back by taking his medications and going to /participating in therapy. You should only strip all that stuff if he forces you to. This is the BIG gun, not the first one you use. If you know what motivates him, use that rather than cracking down super hard, esp at first. Given his age, I would start to address one issue now. That is his privacy. Even at 16, many tdocs will refuse to discuss his therapy with you with-o his permission. You have to find a therapist that both you and your son can work with and part of that is negotiating this issue. Let your son know that refusing to allow his docs to speak with you will end many of the good things in his life. Why? He is still a child, and his mind is not yet ready to understand the ramifications of his actions. He also does not have the grasp of his medical history, so if you cannot work with the doctor, scary things can happen. You know him better than anyone, and even better than he does sometimes (don't EVER tell him that!!) and it takes a whole TEAM to help him. I let my kids all know that as long as they live in my home, I will have access to their medical records, docs, everything. No exceptions. I will do all I can to respect their privacy and to not push if they ask me not to, but if a major issue comes up, I WILL speak to their doctors and they WILL allow it. None of my kids have ever fussed about this, largely because I do what I can to understand and respect their wishes unless it is a major issue and they will be hurt badly if I let it go. One example was my difficult child wanting to make his own medication decisions, but a doctor talked him into trying a medication that he had taken years before. This medication caused serious side effects that required a trip to the ER, but the docs thought that since ten yrs had passed, it was somehow okay to try it again. I freaked. Luckily he hadn't taken it when I found out, because he is severely allergic to it and we had been warned that each future exposure would be far worse than the one before. his doctors thought that by 'allergic to' we meant it made him sick to his stomach, NOT that it gave him breathing problems and a bad rash. I hope you can help with the depression and that it will end the need and desire to self medicate. that would be the route I would take. If he wants to not take drug tests, then he can comply with a psychiatrist and therapist Refuse those and a full drug test panel might be needed. Esp as many kids will admit to pot when they are doing MUCH more - even the really hard drugs are often used by kids even younger than your son. [/QUOTE]
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