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When Grandparents get Angry with difficult child Autism Behaviors
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 368803" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>"It's tough. Does my dad's swearing in the presence of my difficult child rise to the level of abuse? How about severely scolding him and huffing around? Where should the line be drawn?" </p><p> </p><p>As the parent only you can decide that. I really feel for you and am trying hard to offer support and still remain as neutral as possible. It's hard to be neutral because I do have strong feelings about your situation because of my own experiences. It is YOUR situation though. I feel that when trying to support you it is good to encourage you to have your own feelings, you know? I don't want to be another assertive voice in your head...know what I mean? I sense a sort of sadness in you but it really is something you have to process for yourself. I read your posts and I get such string feelings from you but you quickly try to dismiss them and seek opinions that maybe sound good or mirror your desires perhaps?</p><p> </p><p>I don't know. I'm not a pro. Just been down the hard road long enough to know what works for me and it isn't always the easy way out. In my case growth through these trying things comes with a huge effort and huge step that can be scary. In my case I needed to assert myself, all situations are different though. It scared the heck out of me. After I did it I was filled with such a sense of peace, invigoration and felt like a lifetime of something lifted off of me. I was scared I may hurt, anger or run off people who were a part of me but it actually improved my relationships with them. If they had ignored my boundaries they would still be hurting me or I would have had to make some hard choices to cut the pain loose. That's just me though.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I know when I read things like this "I'm quickly bullied into my place", I have to wonder how that must be for you and your difficult child. So maybe I can help you more by asking you your own question.</p><p> </p><p>"Does my dad's swearing in the presence of my difficult child rise to the level of abuse? How about severely scolding him and huffing around? Where should the line be drawn?" </p><p> </p><p>Take a few days to think about that, no rush because you don't visit often. Think about how you feel before, during and after visits. I am confident you have the best answers to your own questions for yourself and your difficult child. You are capable of making your own decisions and you deserve for people to respect those regardless of what they think about it. It's all about you baby and no one else...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 368803, member: 8617"] "It's tough. Does my dad's swearing in the presence of my difficult child rise to the level of abuse? How about severely scolding him and huffing around? Where should the line be drawn?" As the parent only you can decide that. I really feel for you and am trying hard to offer support and still remain as neutral as possible. It's hard to be neutral because I do have strong feelings about your situation because of my own experiences. It is YOUR situation though. I feel that when trying to support you it is good to encourage you to have your own feelings, you know? I don't want to be another assertive voice in your head...know what I mean? I sense a sort of sadness in you but it really is something you have to process for yourself. I read your posts and I get such string feelings from you but you quickly try to dismiss them and seek opinions that maybe sound good or mirror your desires perhaps? I don't know. I'm not a pro. Just been down the hard road long enough to know what works for me and it isn't always the easy way out. In my case growth through these trying things comes with a huge effort and huge step that can be scary. In my case I needed to assert myself, all situations are different though. It scared the heck out of me. After I did it I was filled with such a sense of peace, invigoration and felt like a lifetime of something lifted off of me. I was scared I may hurt, anger or run off people who were a part of me but it actually improved my relationships with them. If they had ignored my boundaries they would still be hurting me or I would have had to make some hard choices to cut the pain loose. That's just me though. I know when I read things like this "I'm quickly bullied into my place", I have to wonder how that must be for you and your difficult child. So maybe I can help you more by asking you your own question. "Does my dad's swearing in the presence of my difficult child rise to the level of abuse? How about severely scolding him and huffing around? Where should the line be drawn?" Take a few days to think about that, no rush because you don't visit often. Think about how you feel before, during and after visits. I am confident you have the best answers to your own questions for yourself and your difficult child. You are capable of making your own decisions and you deserve for people to respect those regardless of what they think about it. It's all about you baby and no one else... [/QUOTE]
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