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When Grandparents get Angry with difficult child Autism Behaviors
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 369296" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Weary - I am very proud of you. I really hope you were able to think and feel freely because that is so important. This kind of moving forward in life is super scary. I hope processing some of this stuff has brought you some peace even though it has no solutions.</p><p> </p><p>Just a word of caution. Families have an odd way of getting very defensive when someone rocks the decades old boat. Interrupting the status quo has a way of getting people fired up and often it is not in the right direction. You aren't out of the woods yet sadly. I suspect that Mom and Sis will stay true to their assumed roles of telling you that everything is fine and that you are exagurating. They may even get angry and decide you are the bad guy. It seems crazy but it is so typical. Just don't want you to feel blindsided and even more let down.</p><p> </p><p>You don't have to spend hours explaining yourself or justifying yourself. You and your feelings don't need to go on trial. Sometimes the easiest answer is "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "These are my feelings, you are entitled to your own" etc. etc. and cutting the conversation short. People have a way of badgering and dead horse beating that really serves to undermine going against the grain or being your own person. People seem to get unerved when someone ventures away from the herd mentality. Happens everywhere in life. </p><p> </p><p>Do know that your relationship with your other family members does not have to revolve around or include Dad unless you want it to. Though I suspect they may pout there is no reason why others cannot be a part of your life in some way. There is no reason why Mom can't visit you without Dad. Though they be married they do not have to be a package deal. It rarely works out like that in these situations though...it hoovers but we all grow at our own pace and sometimes we have the regretable choice to make of moving on when others just haven't come up to speed yet, some never do.</p><p> </p><p>Just feel good knowing you are doing what is best for you and your child first and foremost. People will always find fault with something. You just can't please everyone anyway so why bother trying? If it isn't your parenting people knock it may be your job, the house you buy, the way you do your hair or goodness knows what else. In the end you are only responsible to yourself and your kids as far as pleasing people goes. Spouses come in at a close second but they can be replaced a lot easier than you or your kids.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>This really couldn't have come at a worse time for you. Have you considered some cancer support forums or groups? My mom had breast cancer and found the groups to be very helpful. It is a scary time and you sound like maybe you need some new and healthy systems of support on your new path. </p><p> </p><p>I'm sending you all the warrior woman vibes I can. I am confident you have everything you need to get through all of this even if you don't think so or feel scared. Being afraid is normal, fear won't stop you from getting through this though. I am rooting you on and I bet lots of people will along the way!!</p><p> </p><p>by the way - Just in case, difficult child may have behaviors due to the stress load in the family right now. Don't want to jinx you but these kiddos of ours are remarkably perceptive and show it in all kinds of exciting ways.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/whiteflag.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":whiteflag:" title="whiteflag :whiteflag:" data-shortname=":whiteflag:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 369296, member: 8617"] Weary - I am very proud of you. I really hope you were able to think and feel freely because that is so important. This kind of moving forward in life is super scary. I hope processing some of this stuff has brought you some peace even though it has no solutions. Just a word of caution. Families have an odd way of getting very defensive when someone rocks the decades old boat. Interrupting the status quo has a way of getting people fired up and often it is not in the right direction. You aren't out of the woods yet sadly. I suspect that Mom and Sis will stay true to their assumed roles of telling you that everything is fine and that you are exagurating. They may even get angry and decide you are the bad guy. It seems crazy but it is so typical. Just don't want you to feel blindsided and even more let down. You don't have to spend hours explaining yourself or justifying yourself. You and your feelings don't need to go on trial. Sometimes the easiest answer is "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "These are my feelings, you are entitled to your own" etc. etc. and cutting the conversation short. People have a way of badgering and dead horse beating that really serves to undermine going against the grain or being your own person. People seem to get unerved when someone ventures away from the herd mentality. Happens everywhere in life. Do know that your relationship with your other family members does not have to revolve around or include Dad unless you want it to. Though I suspect they may pout there is no reason why others cannot be a part of your life in some way. There is no reason why Mom can't visit you without Dad. Though they be married they do not have to be a package deal. It rarely works out like that in these situations though...it hoovers but we all grow at our own pace and sometimes we have the regretable choice to make of moving on when others just haven't come up to speed yet, some never do. Just feel good knowing you are doing what is best for you and your child first and foremost. People will always find fault with something. You just can't please everyone anyway so why bother trying? If it isn't your parenting people knock it may be your job, the house you buy, the way you do your hair or goodness knows what else. In the end you are only responsible to yourself and your kids as far as pleasing people goes. Spouses come in at a close second but they can be replaced a lot easier than you or your kids.:winking: This really couldn't have come at a worse time for you. Have you considered some cancer support forums or groups? My mom had breast cancer and found the groups to be very helpful. It is a scary time and you sound like maybe you need some new and healthy systems of support on your new path. I'm sending you all the warrior woman vibes I can. I am confident you have everything you need to get through all of this even if you don't think so or feel scared. Being afraid is normal, fear won't stop you from getting through this though. I am rooting you on and I bet lots of people will along the way!! by the way - Just in case, difficult child may have behaviors due to the stress load in the family right now. Don't want to jinx you but these kiddos of ours are remarkably perceptive and show it in all kinds of exciting ways.:whiteflag: [/QUOTE]
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