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General Parenting
When he wants to hug me...
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 41480" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>Allan - unconditional love teaches our children nothing. To be honest many of our difficult children cannot connect the dots. So while the tweedles are raging & doing bodily injury it's less likely that I'm willing to accept a hug directly afterward. Parents need time to process as well - time to catch their breath.</p><p></p><p>I love my children - I don't withhold that love. I will however demand time to center myself before expressing my emotions or giving a hug. There are consequences to trying to hurt someone - that may mean physical distance for a bit.</p><p></p><p>Terry, it can be very hard for me to accept a hug from either kt or wm. Many times, wm's hugs are "icky" & painful. kt uses hugs as a manipulation.</p><p></p><p>I don't withhold hugs - I however ask kt or wm to wait. That I need to be calm before a hug. If that means waiting an hour, so be it. Frequently, if nothing else, I will offer a side hug. Again, to maintain my relationship with my children with-o feeding into manipulations or inappropriate choices.</p><p></p><p>kt is slowly learning that if you treat others with anger & rudeness you tend to receive in kind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 41480, member: 393"] Allan - unconditional love teaches our children nothing. To be honest many of our difficult children cannot connect the dots. So while the tweedles are raging & doing bodily injury it's less likely that I'm willing to accept a hug directly afterward. Parents need time to process as well - time to catch their breath. I love my children - I don't withhold that love. I will however demand time to center myself before expressing my emotions or giving a hug. There are consequences to trying to hurt someone - that may mean physical distance for a bit. Terry, it can be very hard for me to accept a hug from either kt or wm. Many times, wm's hugs are "icky" & painful. kt uses hugs as a manipulation. I don't withhold hugs - I however ask kt or wm to wait. That I need to be calm before a hug. If that means waiting an hour, so be it. Frequently, if nothing else, I will offer a side hug. Again, to maintain my relationship with my children with-o feeding into manipulations or inappropriate choices. kt is slowly learning that if you treat others with anger & rudeness you tend to receive in kind. [/QUOTE]
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