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When he wants to hug me...
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 41769" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>I have read this post with great interest as today was a day where this topic applied. difficult child had a really rough morning at school. Bonehead kept the kids out until about 10:30 and winding down took awhile.</p><p></p><p>He was in the principal's office, after having received a referral from the reading specialist at the school. He was calm but upset while in his office. </p><p></p><p>I went up and brought him home at 1:30 because he just couldn't take the rest of the day. The first thing he did when we got home was to actually ask for a hug. There must have been at least four times this afternoon he asked for a hug.</p><p></p><p>His need was not based on forgiveness or everything being made right or manipulation. It was his desire to be assured that even though he screwed up, I still loved him.</p><p></p><p>Someone made the comment that they didn't want their child to think that giving them a hug made everything they did alright. I have the perspective that, in a child's mind, getting a hug from the parent you love makes them alright - not the behavior, which most of us give consequences for - but that they are alright.</p><p></p><p>A wonderful woman said to me that every child deserves to be loved by someone whose eyes light up when they walk in the room. </p><p></p><p>Sure there are times I don't want a hug because I am mad, or disappointed, or stressed, or fed up. But I always give it anyway. I'm not going to assume what is in my child's heart when they ask for one. I know my child well enough to know that he in no way thinks everything is made alright by the hug. I know him well enough to know that a hug goes a tremendously long way in reassuring him that the love is there and he is worthy of it.</p><p></p><p>I did not grow up with unconditional love and I do my best to share what I missed with my children. I had some tough stuff happen in my life with my parents that I do not want to repeat with my kids.</p><p></p><p>I tell my children regularly that I love them more today that I did yesterday and I will love them more tomorrow than I do today. No matter what they do, I will always love them. I may be disappointed, angry, disillsioned with them, bt I will never stop loving them. That to me is unconditional love.</p><p></p><p>But, these are my opinions based on my life and my children. I understand we are all dealing with different diagnosis's, different personalities, different parent/child relationships. My way and my words may not be yours. I respect that. I wanted to share my opinion on this topic.</p><p></p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 41769, member: 805"] I have read this post with great interest as today was a day where this topic applied. difficult child had a really rough morning at school. Bonehead kept the kids out until about 10:30 and winding down took awhile. He was in the principal's office, after having received a referral from the reading specialist at the school. He was calm but upset while in his office. I went up and brought him home at 1:30 because he just couldn't take the rest of the day. The first thing he did when we got home was to actually ask for a hug. There must have been at least four times this afternoon he asked for a hug. His need was not based on forgiveness or everything being made right or manipulation. It was his desire to be assured that even though he screwed up, I still loved him. Someone made the comment that they didn't want their child to think that giving them a hug made everything they did alright. I have the perspective that, in a child's mind, getting a hug from the parent you love makes them alright - not the behavior, which most of us give consequences for - but that they are alright. A wonderful woman said to me that every child deserves to be loved by someone whose eyes light up when they walk in the room. Sure there are times I don't want a hug because I am mad, or disappointed, or stressed, or fed up. But I always give it anyway. I'm not going to assume what is in my child's heart when they ask for one. I know my child well enough to know that he in no way thinks everything is made alright by the hug. I know him well enough to know that a hug goes a tremendously long way in reassuring him that the love is there and he is worthy of it. I did not grow up with unconditional love and I do my best to share what I missed with my children. I had some tough stuff happen in my life with my parents that I do not want to repeat with my kids. I tell my children regularly that I love them more today that I did yesterday and I will love them more tomorrow than I do today. No matter what they do, I will always love them. I may be disappointed, angry, disillsioned with them, bt I will never stop loving them. That to me is unconditional love. But, these are my opinions based on my life and my children. I understand we are all dealing with different diagnosis's, different personalities, different parent/child relationships. My way and my words may not be yours. I respect that. I wanted to share my opinion on this topic. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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