When husband's

[mrscatinthehat]

insist on interupting when you read at night is it wrong to come up with a way to make them quiet.

He won't talk to me earlier when I am not reading he waits til I am comfortable in the bed doing my before sleep read to come in and have a conversation. I know I shouldn't complain as we are at least having the conversation but really when I am trying to relax to go to sleep isn't the time I want to talk about "things".

So tonight I got snarky and said let's play a game. He looked at me like really..... I said yeah let's see who can be the quietest the longest (haven't pulled that game out since one of the last car rides with all the kids). He fell for it.......

So now I can't speak cuz well I can't lose darn it. He is asleep and I am awake. He has no idea that I am afraid to sleep cuz if I wake up and forget to be quiet before he does he will win and I can't have that. Arghhhh. How did my plan backfire?

silently sitting here,
beth

 

[Abbey]

(Just whisper through the computer)

My H does the same thing. Typically it's when I sit down to do something that really requires concentration like computer coding or writing on my book. All of a suddent I'll hear, "Deb...come up so we can talk." Oh, geez.

I think you should poke your husband in the ribs, wake him up and say, YOU WIN. Let's chat. Yeah, it's the middle of the night but I want to talk.

Abbey

 

[tiredmommy]

 

[DaisyFace]

You know, I had the dumbest argument with my husband last night, too....

And same thing, no conversation while I was relaxing. Waited until I was nearly asleep and started hassling me about stuff that didn't even make any sense.

What is WITH these guys...?

--DaisyF

 

[Abbey]

Daisy...ONE word. MEN.

Abbey

 

[mrscatinthehat]

did I mention I won!!!!

beth

 

[Hound dog]

Hmmm. Is husband into sports?

husband used to do this to me all the time. Most especially if I was doing homework. husband is a big football nut. Soooooo, the next sunday game I walked in just as the game was getting interesting, stood in front of the tv and said, "Honey, we need to talk, we don't spend anytime together anymore" LOL He's left me alone since.

 

[Andy]

Good for you! Now you can go to sleep. Just have to come up with more boundaries for that "game". Maybe "Let's see who can be the quietest until breakfast - with extra credit given to whoever cooks the breakfast for the entire family."

Mine was that while I was watching the 5:00 news every night, no matter when the local news came on, husband would walk in the house talking. Now, you have to understand that my husband does not talk much so it is extra hard for me to shut him up when I just don't want to hear something. I really do need to listen once in awhile and those chances don't come often, just in the most illogical moments for me.

Remember, our boys will grow up to be men and that in itself should help us be more patient with them. Poor things!

 

[Lothlorien]

husband does that during tv time. Two things that have literally saved my marriage.....1)DVR and 2) A Garmin.

 

[Marg's Man]

I'm going to answer this from a man's perspective because I am guilty of this with Marg as well. I KNOW it annoys her but I certainly don't do it deliberately.

In my case those quiet times, when the bedroom door is closed, the kid (there used to be four of 'em) is in bed and asleep are the precious few moments when we CAN talk with a reasonable certainty of not being interrupted. It's as if the flood gates open and all the stuff I've been bottling up through the day because she was not available to talk to me comes pouring out.

I love my wife to distraction and resent any absence from her side. Saying Goodbye to her as I leave to be away from her 12 to 13 hours a day during the working week is a huge strain. Then I get home and difficult child 3's demands are such that we don't get any time to ourselves until he is safely tucked up in bed. Unfortunately he's now at that age all 15 YO's go through of staying up late, often later than our wearying bodies can cope with! Like all of you, I value her wisdom and support, even more than usual right now because I'm crook. Usually it's Marg who's sick and me looking after her.

That's where this site has been wonderful for us. I can scan her replies and know what's on her mind. We communicate better than any other couple I know of but the site adds a level of remote communication. It's several fewer things for us to catch up on when we do get together.

If your man is stopping you sleeping because he's is talking to you, listen for a minute (just one). It just MIGHT be important but, if it can wait, TELL HIM. Most blokes won't take offence, I know I don't when Marg tells me to shut up.

Marg's Man

 

[Marguerite]

OK, my turn.

Early on in our marriage, husband & I had to agree to NOT talk about anything likely to upset us, too close to bedtime, Classic example - no stressing about "How can we pay the mortgage this month?" just as we're about to go to sleep. Otherwise, we won't get to sleep!

The sort of problem we have now, with the "talking just as we're going to sleep" issue, usually revolves around either a book one of us is reading, or a TV show one of us is watching - and wanting to share it with the other. We have had to learn to tell one another (and take it from one another) if the person being told, really doesn't want to know because he/she is trying to go to sleep. Snarling is a last resort.

Something for both parties to always remember - if you try to talk about it right on bedtime, chances are too high that the sleepy partner will not remember in the morning, and so the conversation is wasted. Or alternatively, if you manage to successfully wake your partner to discuss something really vital - neither of you will get to sleep until much later than is good for you.

The best compromise is to plan ahead to "make a date" to talk. Give notice, as you would to a difficult child who has trouble task-changing. And teach your partner to do this as well. You say to the other person, "I need to talk, preferably with your undivided attention and without kids around. Let me know when you're available."
If you need to, arrange for an opportunity to talk, such as "let's go for a walk and get our exercise." It can be a good time to talk.

Something else to remember, when you're watching something pre-recorded - there IS a 'pause' button. Use it, if something has come up and you need to talk.

I tend to go to bed after husband, because if I go to bed before him, I don't sleep as well. I have finally begun to realise why - it's because I can be just falling asleep, and he will come back into the room and because I'm there, he talks to me (because as he has said, he does love talking to me). But if I'm just settling my mind to sleep, or dozing off, it wakes me up enough to stop me from going to sleep for another hour or more.

So I told him. He finally understood. Plus I have compromised - if I'm in bed ahead of him, I make an effort to stay awake until he is settled and anything likely to want talking about, is dealt with. However, most of the time it's nothing important, it's just "hey, you're here, you're awake, let's chat about anything."

Or you can settle for pre-arranged signals. Get one of those airline sleep masks and squishy earplugs. when you're ready to sleep, stuff in the earplugs and drag the sleep mask over your eyes. And warn him ahead of time - if the mask is down, consider you to be asleep, even if he knows you're not.

I guess the moral to the whole thing - be pro-active and communicate. Set boundaries and make mutual agreements.

Marg

 

[Abbey]

Sweet, Marg and Marg's Man.

Abbey

 

[DammitJanet]

I think this is one of the hardest things in the "couple" relationship. Getting that communication bit just right. I stay at home now and am always dying for some grown up talk with Tony when he gets home and we can be alone one on one. Unfortunately the only time that seems to actually happen is when we got to bed and he is so tired he conks right out. I start talking and he is fast asleep! Makes me so mad...lol.

We actually talk a whole lot more when he is out of town because we have mobile to mobile on the cell phones and we have a set aside period of time every night that we call each other and we talk for probably close to an hour. Isnt even really important stuff but we are just talking. Weird that we talk more when we are hours apart than when we are in the same house...lol.

 

[hearts and roses]

I can't even comment on this, it's so upsetting, except to say, I can't comment on this because it's so darned upsetting!!!!

H and I talk? About something other than work, difficult child, or what's for dinner? Ha! Schedule a time to talk? We tried that and he clams up and I end up feeling like a lunatic talking to a fish tank! Ha....too funny, this topic. H always wants to talk to me when I'm either reading or watching my ONE tv show a week. I am a night owl, have always been a night - H knows this. He's passing out just as I am coming to. We're just not in synch with one another. It's wierd.

 

[Marguerite]

Jo, only one thing can I say to you - did you ever see the movie "Shirley Valentine"?

Go find it. I think it will really hit home.

Marg