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General Parenting
When is enough, enough?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 276637" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>YOu have every right to be concerned. husband should also be, but when you live with something like this for a long time, it begins to become part of the "background noise". Your youngest shows great resilience, I feel, in her responses. Your older daughter is more patterning her responses on you. PLus there is always that sense in the oldestchild of feeling they need to keep their younger siblings safe, and to also look after their parents. </p><p></p><p>I haven't got long at the moment, I have a lot to do right now.</p><p></p><p>But here is a quick grab bag of suggestions:</p><p></p><p>1) He needs to be re-evaluated. What you describe doesn't fit under the ADHD or the ODD umbrella. The total self-centredness and utter lack of personal responsibility - doesn't 'feel' right. I'd be getting him a neuropsychologist evaluation as a matter of highest priority.</p><p></p><p>2) The boy is going to be stealthy about trying to beat your security and scrutiny. husband should not go away, not without the boy going into respite for each duration. He needs to made clear on this. UNless he plans to take his son on the road with him? Why wouldn't he do this? Surely it's not unreasonable to ask husband to do this, it's no more unreasonable than husband expecting you to wear it all. Or failing that, send the boy back to his bio-mum for the month each time.</p><p></p><p>3) Get yourself, your older daughter and probably your younger daughter, into counselling. NOW. Separate counsellors if necessary. Even if nothing is going on now, you all have some baggage to deal with, in order to help you all move forward. husband should be supportive of this, if you express it that way.</p><p></p><p>Others will be along with more experience in this.</p><p></p><p>Adults often forget or get dismissive of abuse perpetrated by another child. It can be just as damaging. Your daughter told immediately, which is a good sign. She needs to have it reinforced tat she did the right thing, because difficult child will be doing his utmost to reinforce the opposite.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 276637, member: 1991"] YOu have every right to be concerned. husband should also be, but when you live with something like this for a long time, it begins to become part of the "background noise". Your youngest shows great resilience, I feel, in her responses. Your older daughter is more patterning her responses on you. PLus there is always that sense in the oldestchild of feeling they need to keep their younger siblings safe, and to also look after their parents. I haven't got long at the moment, I have a lot to do right now. But here is a quick grab bag of suggestions: 1) He needs to be re-evaluated. What you describe doesn't fit under the ADHD or the ODD umbrella. The total self-centredness and utter lack of personal responsibility - doesn't 'feel' right. I'd be getting him a neuropsychologist evaluation as a matter of highest priority. 2) The boy is going to be stealthy about trying to beat your security and scrutiny. husband should not go away, not without the boy going into respite for each duration. He needs to made clear on this. UNless he plans to take his son on the road with him? Why wouldn't he do this? Surely it's not unreasonable to ask husband to do this, it's no more unreasonable than husband expecting you to wear it all. Or failing that, send the boy back to his bio-mum for the month each time. 3) Get yourself, your older daughter and probably your younger daughter, into counselling. NOW. Separate counsellors if necessary. Even if nothing is going on now, you all have some baggage to deal with, in order to help you all move forward. husband should be supportive of this, if you express it that way. Others will be along with more experience in this. Adults often forget or get dismissive of abuse perpetrated by another child. It can be just as damaging. Your daughter told immediately, which is a good sign. She needs to have it reinforced tat she did the right thing, because difficult child will be doing his utmost to reinforce the opposite. Marg [/QUOTE]
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