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When is enough, enough?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 276661" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'll go further. WE had an older adopted child who sexually abused my two younger kids. He had been doing it for three years, but we didn't find out the extent of it unitl he was caught and thrown out of the house for good. That was a behavior we would not tolerate or risk on our other children. </p><p>You don't know how much SS has offended against your daughter or if he still is. These kids who offend seem Godly powerful to their victims who are younger and feel they are powerless...our adopted son told them he'd kill us all if the younger two said anything. He would start little itty bitty fires and say "I'll burn the house down. I'll die too. I don't care." He would hold a stolen knife to them. And we didn't know this was going on. And I was a stay at home mom too.</p><p>After my experience, I would never allow a sexual offender around my kids. Ever. They are clever and know how to intimidate their victims, even if you are very close to your other kids. I would have called CPS on SS. Our adopted son was tried in court for "Sexual Assault of a Minor Child." He was also a minor, but the age difference at the time he was caught was 13 to 6. He actually got off easy. They only charged him with one count. This offense lead to him being put into a facility for young sexual offenders and he got a lot of help, but we cut ties with him. Our other children were terrified of him and we decided to stand by them. This child was frightening after we heard all the stuff he had done (and he had behaved like an angel to us). </p><p>My advice is the only advice I can give, considering my two younger kids went through the same thing--and we found out, in bits and pieces AFTER the other child was gone--how much more he had done to them than they'd said. First, did you ever take daughter for an examination? We did and were shocked and horrified to find out that daughter had been penetrated. Both kids had only admitted "He touched us down there." It was a humbling and horrifying moment. Based on my experience, you don't know everything. I would have left husband, no matter how much I loved him, if he hadn't put SS in a facility. I would have called CPS because without the kind of help our child got, he will keep doing it and get worse--and God knows if the help will even help--our child is over 18 now and out on the streets somewhere. We disrupted the adoption so we make sure our phone number and address are unlisted. </p><p>If you can't leave, I'd get a camera and alarm for SS's room in case he gets out at night and offends. You will have to watch his every move. Ugh...the only advice I have is to tell hub that this child leaves the home or you do. The possible consequences of not doing this are dire. If you get lax at any time, he could do something. As for husband being gone a month at a time, is he nuts? I'd plain out say, "If you take that job, you'll have to find another babysitter. I'm gone." But I'd leave anyway, in hindsight. The day we found out what this child did to the other kids, he was never in our house again. And, sadly, even if this had been one of my kids I'd raised from birth, I would have made the same decision to make him leave the home. He isn't safe. This child is beyond ADHD/ODD. He sounds like he is a psychopath in training. They have no consciences so they don't care who they hurt. But they can be very charming (see Ted Bundy). There are three signs of a budding psychopath: 1/killing or hurting animals 2/setting fires 3/peeing or pooping inappropriately.</p><p>We didn't know our child who offended was setting little fires or pooping all over (we thought it was our rescue dog who he ended up killing). </p><p>Good luck, whatever you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 276661, member: 1550"] I'll go further. WE had an older adopted child who sexually abused my two younger kids. He had been doing it for three years, but we didn't find out the extent of it unitl he was caught and thrown out of the house for good. That was a behavior we would not tolerate or risk on our other children. You don't know how much SS has offended against your daughter or if he still is. These kids who offend seem Godly powerful to their victims who are younger and feel they are powerless...our adopted son told them he'd kill us all if the younger two said anything. He would start little itty bitty fires and say "I'll burn the house down. I'll die too. I don't care." He would hold a stolen knife to them. And we didn't know this was going on. And I was a stay at home mom too. After my experience, I would never allow a sexual offender around my kids. Ever. They are clever and know how to intimidate their victims, even if you are very close to your other kids. I would have called CPS on SS. Our adopted son was tried in court for "Sexual Assault of a Minor Child." He was also a minor, but the age difference at the time he was caught was 13 to 6. He actually got off easy. They only charged him with one count. This offense lead to him being put into a facility for young sexual offenders and he got a lot of help, but we cut ties with him. Our other children were terrified of him and we decided to stand by them. This child was frightening after we heard all the stuff he had done (and he had behaved like an angel to us). My advice is the only advice I can give, considering my two younger kids went through the same thing--and we found out, in bits and pieces AFTER the other child was gone--how much more he had done to them than they'd said. First, did you ever take daughter for an examination? We did and were shocked and horrified to find out that daughter had been penetrated. Both kids had only admitted "He touched us down there." It was a humbling and horrifying moment. Based on my experience, you don't know everything. I would have left husband, no matter how much I loved him, if he hadn't put SS in a facility. I would have called CPS because without the kind of help our child got, he will keep doing it and get worse--and God knows if the help will even help--our child is over 18 now and out on the streets somewhere. We disrupted the adoption so we make sure our phone number and address are unlisted. If you can't leave, I'd get a camera and alarm for SS's room in case he gets out at night and offends. You will have to watch his every move. Ugh...the only advice I have is to tell hub that this child leaves the home or you do. The possible consequences of not doing this are dire. If you get lax at any time, he could do something. As for husband being gone a month at a time, is he nuts? I'd plain out say, "If you take that job, you'll have to find another babysitter. I'm gone." But I'd leave anyway, in hindsight. The day we found out what this child did to the other kids, he was never in our house again. And, sadly, even if this had been one of my kids I'd raised from birth, I would have made the same decision to make him leave the home. He isn't safe. This child is beyond ADHD/ODD. He sounds like he is a psychopath in training. They have no consciences so they don't care who they hurt. But they can be very charming (see Ted Bundy). There are three signs of a budding psychopath: 1/killing or hurting animals 2/setting fires 3/peeing or pooping inappropriately. We didn't know our child who offended was setting little fires or pooping all over (we thought it was our rescue dog who he ended up killing). Good luck, whatever you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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